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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To ask DH to give up football season ticket?

112 replies

BasinHaircut · 15/11/2016 19:40

DH is a football fan and goes to all home games and likes to attend some away games for his team. I've never minded him going in the sense that we don't have to spend all of our free time together and I like to do things independently too.

However, now we have a 3 yo DS. I've accommodated him keeping up his football interests since DS's birth, and in theory it's only every other weekend for half a day (sometimes longer if he goes for a drink or whatever). I could in theory have the same amount of time to myself. BUT because I don't have a regular interest quite like this, AND obviously we tend to arrange things for us as a family to do in the time that DH isn't at football, in practice that doesn't work out.

It's starting to piss me off that every time I get invited somewhere or want to arrange something, I have to work my life around the football calendar. Whilst me and DH operate a 'first come first serve' on booking time when we need to make sure the other is around for DS, it seems really unfair that effectively half of my weekends for the year are already dictated by this.

AIBU to say to DH that him keeping this up isn't working for me and ask him to give it up?

OP posts:

Slightlyperturbedowlagain · 15/11/2016 22:02

I think age 6 or 7 is probably the minimum for a good experience for all

skippy67 · 15/11/2016 22:04

YABU. Most teams don't have home matches every other week, it's not all year and it's only for a few hours. We love our football in this house.

BusyBeez99 · 15/11/2016 22:05

YABU. My DS and me are season ticket holders and go to every home game. My DH enjoys the time alone and loves it. There are kids as young as yours there. Get another season ticket for your child (usually free for under 8s) and bag yourself a quiet afternoon every few weeks

TupsNSups · 15/11/2016 22:13

Yabu.

sleepachu · 15/11/2016 22:29

You aren't being unreasonable. Me and my boyfriend both follow the same team but he's more into it than I am. I prefer to work off the basis of choosing which games we will go to or go out to watch rather than it being default that we'll go to them all and it needing to be decided if we'll miss one. Otherwise it does put me at a disadvantage if what I want to do is 'not a lot but not go to football' which it sometimes is on a Saturday. Plus it's mad expensive so again needs to be an active decision to spend that money each time rather than default.

BackforGood · 15/11/2016 22:44

ExH and DS have season tickets, due to DS's uni commitments they can't go to all the games, so currently have an arrangement to share their tickets (and the cost) with another family. It means the tickets are cost effective and they don't lose the season tickets which they would never get again. Could your DH do something like this?

A lot of clubs don't let you do this. Photos on season tickets and you have to sign to say you will not let anyone use it. Ridiculous rule IMO, but rule nevertheless.

BusyBeez99 · 15/11/2016 22:47

Our club lets you loan to someone you trust but you are liable to lose your ticket for misbehaviour. We can also upgrade DS ticket to an adult one should he not be able to go on a school night and we can do this 5 times in one season

BackforGood · 15/11/2016 22:58

Sounds eminently more sensible than the club where my BiL and niece used to have their tickets, and have decided not to replace them as they know they won't be able to go to all the games this season - just means the club have lost out on 2 season ticket sales.

DIYandEatCake · 15/11/2016 23:12

I think YABU - but then I have a hobby that takes me out similar amounts of time (sometimes more). It's great to have something (apart from family) that you're passionate about. Let your dh enjoy his football and have time relaxing, but find something you enjoy as well, and go out and have time to yourself. Even if you don't want a 'hobby' you could do exercise classes, go swimming, go for a meal with friends etc.

PNGirl · 15/11/2016 23:12

Depends. If it's somewhere with a 20 year waiting list like Liverpool, YABU, but if it's Leek Town FC then I think he could stand to give up the season ticket and go to a match a month or something.

My dad played golf one morning per weekend for my entire childhood (in a league/teams so had to commit) and has continued to do so for the 15 years since I left home. He'd have been gutted to have been barred from 1984-1990!

famousfour · 15/11/2016 23:16

Frankly, it would drive me nuts to have my weekend plans permanently dictated by football fixtures. And we are very happy with accommodating each other's leisure activities generally. So you have my sympathies regardless of the rights and wrongs of it.

BestZebbie · 15/11/2016 23:31

YANBU to want the situation to change as outlined in your OP, but I think that possibly YABU to feel that the only solution is to cancel the season ticket altogether.
If it ended up that eg: by not having the ticket your DH was missing three matches for every one time that you actually went out yourself, then I think that would be a little U.
Can you just carry on as now, but if something of yours comes up on a football day, it is agreed that football has to give/your thing takes priority?

TheStoic · 16/11/2016 00:05

When you take away something that somebody loves then you are skating on very thin ice because it builds resentment.

If I tried this with my partner I doubt he would be my partner for much longer. He had football before I met him. Why would I try and change that?

This "family" time obsession that people have seems to be totally driven by women. I have just as nice a time with my DD when it's just the two of us and he is a more relaxed man when he gets some down time.

I think not only are you being unreasonable but very selfish too as this is all about you and your needs.

I actually agree with all of this. Except the last sentence - you're not selfish to want what you want, and neither is he.

I'm a big believer in letting people take their simple pleasures whenever and wherever they can. If it was significantly affecting your or your son's needs, that would be a different thing. But if it's just a matter of checking a fixture before making plans, that's a small sacrifice I'd be willing to make for my partner.

dybil · 16/11/2016 01:07

Assuming he doesn't go to cup games (which I don't think are usually included in season tickets), then that's between 19-23 home games per year, of which some (probably around 5) will be midweek.

I think YABU, unless you're struggling to cope.

Comedyusername · 16/11/2016 01:15

Exactly the same in our household. Wish he'd give the ticket up, but then I'd feel like an arse for making him unhappy. We have 2 small children now too, so I'm left to look after them alone for an extra afternoon every fortnight.

Don't actually think there's an answer. One of you is always going to feel hard done to I'm afraid

zad716 · 16/11/2016 07:31

Does your DH go to football with friends? Does he regularly see them at any other time?

If not asking him to stop going all together is actually asking him to give up contact with friends which YABU. Even attending matches without a season ticket or with a 3 year old (imo far too young) may mean he can't sit with his group and so I think you need to find a compromise and stopping all (except maybe cup finals, etc) away games might be one option.

Floisme · 16/11/2016 07:38

I am a big football fan and he's being an arse. He doesn't have to give up completely, he just needs to cut down. When my son was small, I shared a season ticket with friends in a similar situation.

DrDreReturns · 16/11/2016 07:38

yabu, it's not even on for three months in the summer. Season tickets aren't necessarily expensive if its a small team.

Scooby20 · 16/11/2016 07:48

I think yabu.

It's not all year
It's not every week
He does miss games if something important is on
Its a hobby
You can have similar time to yourself but choose not to

I have a hobby I attend 3 times a week for an hour. Yes we arrange stuff round it if we can, if not...I miss. It's not that difficult.

If dh said I had to stop so the calender had more space I would tell him was having a laugh.

Marynary · 16/11/2016 09:02

I can understand why it annoys you but I don't think it would be a good idea for your marriage for you to insist that he gives up his football season ticket if it is something he loves.
I would try to work out a compromise e.g.maybe he could cut down on the matches (although would mean money is wasted?) or on all the other weekends you should have first dibs on what you do, whether it is family time or time for you to pursue your own hobbies/interests while he looks after your child.
The inconvenience will probably last for a relatively short period of time as in three or four years your DS will be able to go to matches with him..

JayoftheRed · 16/11/2016 09:15

I am the season ticket holder in our house. We have two boys, 3 and 5 months. If my husband asked me to give up my ticket, I'd be livid. I've had a season ticket since I was 11, and it's the only thing that's mine. I refuse to take my three year oldas he won't cope, and I'd end up missing most of the game. I look after the boys all week, and accommodate all my husband's interests and commitments, so I think he can afford me the same luxury.

I do take the baby to night games as my husband can't cope with the older one's bedtime and the baby, but that's fine, he goes in the sling and sleeps through most of it.

I do miss games for family events, but I won't give up the ticket completely (unless we were in dire financial difficulties). So long as your husband does the same, then personally I feel yabu, but I may be slightly biased!

AnchorDownDeepBreath · 16/11/2016 09:29

Your reason boils down to that you just don't want him to go and watch the football anymore and that is unreasonable. It's his hobby. I'd have a season ticket if I could afford one! My team is shockingly expensive and would take the whole day to get there and back.

You need to look into alternatives like getting a babysitter or booking things you want to do further in advance. Or; acknowledge that first come doesn't work for you because you book things later than he does and find a solution to that.

Most sports hobbies would be booked far in advance - if he decided he'd go to all the F1 instead, you'd still lose a lot of time before you'd booked anything.

VeryPunny · 16/11/2016 09:35

I don't think you are being completely U.

For me, it's the inflexibility of it all. Half a day a week is not much, but the fact it's totally immovable really is a PITA. I would have less problem with the hobby if, for example, it could be done first thing on Saturday, leaving the rest of the day free, or in the evening when the kids are in bed, or move it to Sunday because friends are coming round. But it's the lack of flexibility that's the issue for me.

ghostyslovesheets · 16/11/2016 09:48

Yabu

Pray your son never starts PLAYING football - I have 2 daughters who play so that's sat and Sunday matches plus friendlies weekend tournaments and training

Half a day every other week will seem like bliss!

LittleLionMansMummy · 16/11/2016 09:58

Yanbu and this would annoy me too. And I say that as a football fan. Of course life doesn't stop when you have a child, but things do change. For me, as we both work ft, our family time at weekends is precious apart from anything else. It's also nice to be spontaneous sometimes and not have your time dictated by a non essential standing appointment for 50% of the time.

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