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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To ask DH to give up football season ticket?

112 replies

BasinHaircut · 15/11/2016 19:40

DH is a football fan and goes to all home games and likes to attend some away games for his team. I've never minded him going in the sense that we don't have to spend all of our free time together and I like to do things independently too.

However, now we have a 3 yo DS. I've accommodated him keeping up his football interests since DS's birth, and in theory it's only every other weekend for half a day (sometimes longer if he goes for a drink or whatever). I could in theory have the same amount of time to myself. BUT because I don't have a regular interest quite like this, AND obviously we tend to arrange things for us as a family to do in the time that DH isn't at football, in practice that doesn't work out.

It's starting to piss me off that every time I get invited somewhere or want to arrange something, I have to work my life around the football calendar. Whilst me and DH operate a 'first come first serve' on booking time when we need to make sure the other is around for DS, it seems really unfair that effectively half of my weekends for the year are already dictated by this.

AIBU to say to DH that him keeping this up isn't working for me and ask him to give it up?

OP posts:

ForalltheSaints · 15/11/2016 20:17

My opinion would depend on who he supports.

SaltyBitch · 15/11/2016 20:18

Yep, I agree with Through. Compromise needed.

I grew up with a Dad like the the OP's DH. Football was his thing, he had his season ticket.

Mum had an equal treat spend, and would book massages/beauty treatments with her treat money/as often as he went to games.

It's not about working around the football, its about making sure each partner gets equal time off to do 'their thing.'

NapQueen · 15/11/2016 20:21

If you want to make plans with friends you have every Friday eve, every Sunday day and evening and every other Saturday evening.

That's more than most for families where shifts are worked, and seems loads of available time for you to make plans with others and dh be at home with DS.

HermioneJeanGranger · 15/11/2016 20:24

I think half a day once a fortnight is perfectly reasonable. He misses games if there's an important event on, so I don't really see the issue. Even if you took half a day to yourself once a fortnight, that's still one full weekend plus an extra weekend day each fortnight for family stuff.

Can he take DS with him occasionally? I don't think many clubs will charge to take a 3 y/o.

RusholmeRuffian · 15/11/2016 20:26

I would be devastated if I had to give up my season ticket but I do miss games for important occasions. YABU.

OnionKnight · 15/11/2016 20:28

It's mostly half a day every other week? YABU.

It's half a day every other week and you said it yourself that he doesn't miss important events.

HyacinthFuckit · 15/11/2016 20:29

The most obvious starting point is him giving up the away games. I do see your point, it's not just about equal free time it's also about having time the three of you as a family, and realistically the schedule he's keeping means the majority of Saturdays during the season are out. Or sometimes Sundays instead depending what team. Also when you say first come first served, how does that actually work?

Leeds2 · 15/11/2016 20:35

Does he need a season ticket? (I have home and away seasons so am not trying to diminish their worth). If it is a team where tickets don't sell out immediately (to season ticket holders usually), he could maybe pick and choose the games he goes to. Or take his DS with him?

exLtEveDallas · 15/11/2016 20:36

I think YABU. It's half a day every other weekend. I really cannot see why that is so bad? Are you going to feel the same way if your DC gain an interest when they get older?

For eg, my DD is sporty. I have to take her to Gymnastics twice a week for 2 hours at a time and netball twice a week for 1 hour at a time, plus tournaments every 6 weeks that take up a full Saturday (6 hours)

To that end I am out of the house for 3 evenings where no plans can be made, every other Sunday for a couple of hours and a full Saturday every six weeks. If DH complained I'd be pretty pissed off.

A couple of my friends have DSs that play football. They have a match every single Sunday morning. That's more commitment that an afternoon every other weekend.

WetsTheFinger · 15/11/2016 20:54

Yabu! He deserves a hobby.

SheldonCRules · 15/11/2016 20:59

It's very little time and even if you took the same amount there's still lots of weekend time left a year. Being a parent doesn't mean giving every hobby up.

I know lots with season tickets and I'm sure most wife's would moan about the time not seeing that they either don't work or do far less days so get way more leisure time.

gillybeanz · 15/11/2016 20:59

YANBU and season tickets not only cost a fortune but you need to go to nearly all the games to get your monies worth.
Why not suggest he just goes to home games and give up the season ticket and takes ds with him.
Maybe buy them football shirts for Christmas, then he'll have to take ds with him.

blackhairbrush · 15/11/2016 21:05

ExH and DS have season tickets, due to DS's uni commitments they can't go to all the games, so currently have an arrangement to share their tickets (and the cost) with another family. It means the tickets are cost effective and they don't lose the season tickets which they would never get again. Could your DH do something like this? I think YABU to ask him to give up his season ticket completely.

WeirdButTrue · 15/11/2016 21:15

It's the same set up in my house. I don't begrudge DH his season ticket either in terms of cost or physical time he is away enjoying himself (or more usually being miserable & wishing his team weren't so rubbish ) because it's always been a big part of his life. He works hard, does his fair share of chores/childcare & makes sure I get time to myself too.

So while I'm usually happy for him to go to the games, some days I do feel like OP & it was frustrating having my choice of wedding dates be so limited due to the flipping premier league schedule. The only helpful suggestion I can make is that since stub hub became a reality my DH has sometimes sold his ticket for certain games because he can't go for some reason. So we get extra time with him & some extra money, maybe that would work for you OP?

JacquesHammer · 15/11/2016 21:16

YABU - surely the easiest option would be to ask him to cut out the away games.

gillybeanz season tickets don't always cost a fortune - some are incredibly good value. ExH and DD go to a premier team and can miss 5/6 matches a season and still get their money's worth.

In any event it doesn't seem like the cost is OP's worry

MuddlingMackem · 15/11/2016 21:17

As the season ticket holding member of our household I think that YABVU. However, a fair compromise is ditching away matches, except for important cup games, eg Semis or a final.

It seems to me that you only want him to ditch the football because you don't have an equivalent hobby, and that's very unfair to him if this is the only hobby he has which takes him away from the family. There is still plenty of weekend left for family time, and it is up to you whether or not you carve out equal time for you. If you choose not to then that's fine, but it would be wrong to insist that he follows suit if he chooses not to.

MPCD71 · 15/11/2016 21:27

When you take away something that somebody loves then you are skating on very thin ice because it builds resentment.

If I tried this with my partner I doubt he would be my partner for much longer. He had football before I met him. Why would I try and change that?

This "family" time obsession that people have seems to be totally driven by women. I have just as nice a time with my DD when it's just the two of us and he is a more relaxed man when he gets some down time.

I think not only are you being unreasonable but very selfish too as this is all about you and your needs.

Original poster

BasinHaircut · 15/11/2016 21:34

I love that someone assumes I don't work so clearly have loads of free time

It's not necessarily that its 'only' half a day every other weekend, it's more that it feels like our entire year revolves around a football team's matches. In real time half a day is essentially a whole day if it's a mid-day kick off too.

It's really not that I'm kicking off because he has a hobby and I don't, I do have a hobby but not a comparable one in terms of time or commitment. It just grates that if I want to make plans for the weekend for 9 months of the year, I have to check the fixtures first! It really does narrow down the opportunities for making arrangements.

For whoever asked about how first come first served works - we make a plan we put it on the calendar, as long as the other person hasn't already made plans then it's assumed ok. Where this is unfair is that obviously as soon as the fixture list comes out, he gets first dibs on every other weekend basically - for the next 9 months!! So in terms of making plans I'm at a permanent disadvantage

OP posts:

Original poster

BasinHaircut · 15/11/2016 21:35

MPCD71 I have no words for that post.

OP posts:

HermioneJeanGranger · 15/11/2016 21:40

Okay, but if something came up (say, a friend's birthday), and it was on the day of a match, would he cancel if you asked? If not, YANBU, it's not fair that he gets to book every other weekend up months in advanc for the majority of the year.

BUT if he wouldn't mind missing one occasionally if you wanted to go out, then YABU. You have plenty of time to go out. Even if it's a midday kick-off you have the rest of the day when he gets home (say 4pm) - you can still go to the park, go out to dinner, book a babysitter and go out. Or you can go out in the morning/evening while he babysits.

If the roles were reversed, would you be happy to be told to give up your hobby?

Mummabearof2 · 15/11/2016 21:41

Could you compromise on the number of matches or could your DC go too? My DH has just started to take our 3.5yo to matches and he loves it. We made sure he got a seat with a decent view, in the family area and away from the away fans. He also gets a good view of the mascot during the match which helps during the boring bits.

We live approx 1.5hrs drive from the club's home ground so my DH goes maybe once a month plus any more local away matches. He also watches any on TV. Although I do moan occasionally about the football obsession (constantly checking twitter/sky sports for random team news) I think we have a good balance and if I wanted to have time to myself I could. I'm waiting for the day he takes both kids with him!

MPCD71 · 15/11/2016 21:44

I don't really care whether you do or don't. It's my opinion. You asked for opinions and you got one.

Original poster

BasinHaircut · 15/11/2016 21:50

He has tried taking DS once so far and he just isn't quite ready. Maybe next year.

OP posts:

Mummabearof2 · 15/11/2016 21:50

Just seen your update. UANBU in how you feel. I sometimes feel the same, like I have to consult the football list before making firm plans for stuff. We even have to schedule in the Xmas/new year match as if it were another member of the family to visit

It is a PITA but my DH has made a real effort to reduce his football playing and watching time since having the DC so I've mellowed a bit too. Would yours look to maybe go 3 matches in 4 as a start instead of evey game?

minionsrule · 15/11/2016 21:52

LOL at taking a 3 year old to every footy match - I know some people do but seriously, a 3 year old is NOT interested in football, the DH would probably rather not bother going than doing that!

My ds loves football but was struggling to watch a full game even at age 7

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