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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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My ex stole our Son's trampoline

157 replies

user1479216930 · 15/11/2016 13:55

I am currently on income support but I'm a qualified teacher (hoping to get a job soon and have interviews lined up). As I'm sure you can imagine we are pretty poor at the moment.
Once bills are paid there's nothing left over. I left my Sons Dad about a year ago. He was training to be a teacher too but dropped out and left his job as the deputy manager of a special needs residential home. He is not entitled to job seekers allowance as he left his job so his financially comfortable parents are funding him at the moment. Because he technically has no income he has no duty to give me any maintenance. He has never paid maintenance as he has been unemployed since our split.

Now I have nothing. No valuables. When he left he took his tv,iPad,sound bar, PlayStation as he had bought them. I have an iPhone 5 and a £200 laptop and that is it. I need the laptop for job hunting and if it broke I would not be able to replace it.

He has our Son three days of the week so the lack of
Maintenance doesn't bother me, it's pretty much joint custody.

I recently went to visit my parents who are ill and I have come back to find my Sons trampoline has been taken. I found out my ex has gone into my garden while I was away, dismantled it and sold it for £200 On ebay.

It was bought by him just over a year and a half go, for our Sons birthday present. My Son loves his trampoline, was always on it and he came running into the garden to go on it, only to find it gone. I also have my Nephew over every Saturday. He has autism and a learning disability and spends hours on the trampoline, he loves it and it was a very important activity for him.

Since my ex has proof Of purchase he had the right to sell it but how mean is that? I've spoken to him about it and he says he needed the money, it's not essential for our Son to have it, and he bought it so whether I think it's mean or not means nothing to him. He bought it, he's entitled to sell it.

He could have at least left £100 For Another cheaper one. My Son doesn't need one as expensive as that one was but for my ex to just take his child's favourite toy and not replace it with anything at all. I just think it's so mean and disgusting to be honest. I'd rather he had taken my laptop. He isn't that desperate for money. His parents give him enough to live on and pay his rent. He smoked 20 Cigs a day and drinks a bottle of wine a night. He is getting job seekers from next month and has a job interview lined up for next week. He's not Literally starving.

Anyway I'm rambling now, I'm just devastated. My Son has very few toys, I have nothing, that trampoline was the only luxury we had and my Son
Loved it. He doesn't understand where it's gone. Aibu to think my ex is really really mean to do that?

I don't know whether to tell his parents about it as they will probably be mad at him and would buy a new one.

I'm going to have to sell my laptop now to buy a new one. AIBU to think this is just terrible behaviour on his part and really,really mean?

OP posts:
DoloresVanCartier · 15/11/2016 20:01

Champs, I'm sure it's the principal of the matter. If you had your purse stolen by your ex who then sold it on EBay, even though you were bought a new purse you would still report it stolen. If OP doesn't do that what will he take next to sell? Garden shed on EBay, it's ok he'll get the cash for it, OP will do without one for a few days and someone else will buy one for her?
Of course she is right to report it!!

myfriendnigel · 15/11/2016 20:10

Well that's the right outcome.
I hope your ex is ashamed of himself. He sounds like he has some pretty big issues and needs help-maybe this will be the wake up call, the rock bottom level he needed to reach before he sorts himself out.

Obviouspretzel · 15/11/2016 20:24

Of course he stole it! He went round to your house, took your son's possession and sold it for his own gain. What a piece of shit.

Aderyn2016 · 15/11/2016 20:27

If your ex has alcohol or drug addiction, you cannot rely on him not stealing from you just because he didn't buy the things in your house. Now is the time to make sure he doesn't have keys to your home or easy access to the garden.

Obviouspretzel · 15/11/2016 20:28

Sorry didn't see the update.

So glad his parents agreed to replace the trampoline for your son.

acatcalledjohn · 15/11/2016 20:38

Fabulous update. Well done for standing up to him by putting your son first!

bloodyteenagers · 15/11/2016 20:39

That's good they are going to replace it.
You also need to change your locks. Who knows what else he might help himself to. If you want him to still do helpful stuff around the garden, this can only be when you are there. He is to never be trusted again to be alone in your home

PresidentOliviaMumsnet · 15/11/2016 20:43

We do advise all our members to be aware that not everyone on t'internet is who they say they are, and that, although we're awed daily by the astonishing support our members give each other through life's trickier twists and turns, we'd always caution anyone never to give more of themselves to another poster, emotionally or financially, than they can afford to spare.

MycatsaPirate · 15/11/2016 20:44

I'm so glad your son's gp's have stepped up but let this be a warning in the future.

Do not let your son take anything of value to his dad's house. If his dad buys him anything such as a bike or tablet in the future, be aware that this could happen again.

Fwiw, I think your ex is a fucking scumbag. This is junkie behaviour. I have read some bad behaviour by exes on here in my time but this is an all time low.

Mammylamb · 15/11/2016 20:58

Way an absolute cunt. Absolutely raging in your behalf. I think you should tell the grandparents in the hope that they are decent people who would help replace the trampoline

Chippednailvarnishing · 15/11/2016 21:01

You must get find this is the wake up call his parents need to understand that he has a serious problem.

Who the fuck steals from their kids?

Chippednailvarnishing · 15/11/2016 21:02

That was meant to say "you might find" !

TheWitTank · 15/11/2016 21:05

What a lovely update, so glad a new trampoline is on the way. Your ex is despicable- I hope he gets the earful of the century from his parents and feels utterly ashamed (although sadly he will probably just feel hard done by in typical dick head style).

smartiecake · 15/11/2016 21:11

That's good news, however you should ensure that your ex cannot get into your property, and secure your garden. He may feel he has the right to take this one as its his parents money.
This low life will stoop to anything so don't think he is not capable, he has shown you what he will do. Get a big padlock and key for the gate and keep it locked and him out.

Hunan123 · 15/11/2016 21:46

What a horrible human being your ex is. I would totally tell his parents so they know what an awful man he is. To take that from your son when he clearly knew how much it meant to him is disgusting. Do not sell your laptop, you need that for job hunting etc and with your first paycheque you can treat your son to something extra special. Thank god he has a wonderful mother like you to set him the right example in life.

hanban89 · 15/11/2016 21:53

What an utter shit head. I seriously hope his parents buy a new one as a trampoline is something kids of that age love and will play on for hours. Maybe suggest they buy one for xmas as he loved it so much?

MrsRhettButler · 15/11/2016 22:00

Ahh wonderful! I'm so glad he will be getting a new one Smile

DonaldTrumpsWig · 15/11/2016 22:08

If it was given to your son as a present it belongs to your son, so he did steal it. It's theft, pure and simple. Sod reporting it to his parents. Report it to the police. See how he likes that. This is absolutely disgraceful behaviour. What's next?

kali110 · 15/11/2016 23:18

Good update op!
Secure your garden.
I'd still think anout reporting hm though.
I'd worry about him having so much contact at the moment though, is he struggling with addiction?

ChasedByBees · 15/11/2016 23:19

PS - as you're new here, you may not know but the MN message is entirely standard text used on all threads where someone offers something. It's absolutely not personal. They have obviously missed you declining. So glad that you have this replaced.

previously1474907171 · 15/11/2016 23:32

Re: Ebay, you will need to have reported the theft to the Police for them to take any interest. I don't know if they actually do anything but it might put a red flag on his account which may be a good thing, in case he does something like it again.

lalalalyra · 15/11/2016 23:38

There's nothing left that he bought.

This is the train of thought you need to change.

He's an addict. Addicts get to a point where they stop having morals when they are faced with a morals v cash moment. Your ex has already shown that he has zero regard for your son - how easy will it be for him to rationalise that anything you bought when you two were together was joint? Then shortly after that there will come a point where he'll be able to rationlise in his own head that you owe him so something that you bought will go too.

His first, and only, thought it for himself. If his parents cut him off out of disgust then his need for cash is going to increase, and I bet he'll blame you for that need.

You need to secure your home from this man. Addicts sell everything. My father once sold the curtains from our lounge. It's not just things that make lots of money. There comes a point where something that will sell for one hit/one pint becomes a target.

lalalalyra · 15/11/2016 23:38

Also if his parents cut him off, but he knows they will pay for things for you/DS then that could make your DS's things more of a target.

DistanceCall · 16/11/2016 00:40

Get your son back. If your ex threatens to commit suicide, tell him to go ahead. Then call the police if he turns on you. And get counselling for your and your children.

You really can't have any ties with this man. He will only damage you and your sons.

DistanceCall · 16/11/2016 00:41

Oops, sorry. Wrong thread.

Also I don't feel sorry at all for your ex either, OP.