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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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My ex stole our Son's trampoline

157 replies

user1479216930 · 15/11/2016 13:55

I am currently on income support but I'm a qualified teacher (hoping to get a job soon and have interviews lined up). As I'm sure you can imagine we are pretty poor at the moment.
Once bills are paid there's nothing left over. I left my Sons Dad about a year ago. He was training to be a teacher too but dropped out and left his job as the deputy manager of a special needs residential home. He is not entitled to job seekers allowance as he left his job so his financially comfortable parents are funding him at the moment. Because he technically has no income he has no duty to give me any maintenance. He has never paid maintenance as he has been unemployed since our split.

Now I have nothing. No valuables. When he left he took his tv,iPad,sound bar, PlayStation as he had bought them. I have an iPhone 5 and a £200 laptop and that is it. I need the laptop for job hunting and if it broke I would not be able to replace it.

He has our Son three days of the week so the lack of
Maintenance doesn't bother me, it's pretty much joint custody.

I recently went to visit my parents who are ill and I have come back to find my Sons trampoline has been taken. I found out my ex has gone into my garden while I was away, dismantled it and sold it for £200 On ebay.

It was bought by him just over a year and a half go, for our Sons birthday present. My Son loves his trampoline, was always on it and he came running into the garden to go on it, only to find it gone. I also have my Nephew over every Saturday. He has autism and a learning disability and spends hours on the trampoline, he loves it and it was a very important activity for him.

Since my ex has proof Of purchase he had the right to sell it but how mean is that? I've spoken to him about it and he says he needed the money, it's not essential for our Son to have it, and he bought it so whether I think it's mean or not means nothing to him. He bought it, he's entitled to sell it.

He could have at least left £100 For Another cheaper one. My Son doesn't need one as expensive as that one was but for my ex to just take his child's favourite toy and not replace it with anything at all. I just think it's so mean and disgusting to be honest. I'd rather he had taken my laptop. He isn't that desperate for money. His parents give him enough to live on and pay his rent. He smoked 20 Cigs a day and drinks a bottle of wine a night. He is getting job seekers from next month and has a job interview lined up for next week. He's not Literally starving.

Anyway I'm rambling now, I'm just devastated. My Son has very few toys, I have nothing, that trampoline was the only luxury we had and my Son
Loved it. He doesn't understand where it's gone. Aibu to think my ex is really really mean to do that?

I don't know whether to tell his parents about it as they will probably be mad at him and would buy a new one.

I'm going to have to sell my laptop now to buy a new one. AIBU to think this is just terrible behaviour on his part and really,really mean?

OP posts:
lalalalyra · 15/11/2016 14:17

I'd tell his parents. In fact I'd tell everyone. Selling a child's birthday present is disgusting unless it's a choice between "sell x and starve" imo. In that case you'd have to explain to the child why the thing had to be sold temporarily. To do and leave your child to run in and find it gone is just vile.

Do not sell your laptop. Your son will not be helped by you hampering your job searching.

Also look into the situation with your house. Your ex letting himself in to sell things is not a good position to be in.

Greengoddess12 · 15/11/2016 14:18

Yes I would tell his parents and tell him your legal advice ( friend) says it's stealing and if he doesn't replace it you will go to the police. If he's worried about a criminal record it might frighten him to sort out.

What an absolute bastard he sounds.

MrsRhettButler · 15/11/2016 14:18

Tell the parents, can you do it in passing conversation? I.e 'ds is so upset about his trampoline bless him, such a shame ex needed to steal sell it'

LordRothermereBlackshirtCunt · 15/11/2016 14:19

God, it's like the opposite of the John Lewis advert, isn't it?

Definitely tell his parents.

toptoe · 15/11/2016 14:19

Sounds to me like his parents bail him out a lot. He's living off them so he doesn't have to provide for his son. he steals off his son to get some ready cash. He sounds like he suffers from some anti-social disorder.

Dealing with him he probably won't care about the affects of what he's done as he probably lacks the empathy/sympathy skills.

Telling his parents is fine but you could say 'I don't expect you to bail him out on this one. I'm getting legal advice to ensure he doesn't steal any more of my son's things.'

They might bail him out anyway, bbut they might be happy for you to do that instead as they might be struggling to cope with him using them too.

MrsRhettButler · 15/11/2016 14:20

Lord Grin

WatchingFromTheWings · 15/11/2016 14:20

He had absolutely no right to steal it. It was a gift for your son so the fact he had the receipt is irrelevant. I'd report the theft to the police for starters.

OohhThatsMe · 15/11/2016 14:22

I would report it as stolen to the police and tell them you knew who took it. It was a gift to your son and didn't belong to your ex once he handed it over. What a horrible thing to do, especially as he's already sponging off his parents. They must be so proud of him.

I would definitely tell them and frankly would tell anyone who knows him, too.

ChampsMum · 15/11/2016 14:22

YANBU that's a very disgusting thing to do, and I would tell his parents, so they know what he is like.

I hope you get a job soon Flowers

Wonkydonkey44 · 15/11/2016 14:23

He stole a kids trampoline from your garden!
Disgusting! Call the police!

Ledehe · 15/11/2016 14:28

Call the police. He broke into your back garden and stole your sons property. What an actual scumbag

ChampsMum · 15/11/2016 14:28

I doubt the police will do anything Hmm

EverythingEverywhere1234 · 15/11/2016 14:29

That is truly, genuinely awful. What a horrid man!! How could he be so cruel to his son? He did fucking well steal it!

Patriciathestripper1 · 15/11/2016 14:32

Give him a week to replace it, tell his parents what an appauling thing he did and tell them you will go to the police and report him for trespass and theft if it is not replaced. He took something that was not his to take. Make sure you tell him that if the police are involved and does he want to risk a criminal record (and won't get much in the way of a career with that.)
His is despicable taking toys from a child.

indigox · 15/11/2016 14:33

Such disgusting behaviour.

Don't sell your laptop though, its going to be a lot harder to find a job without one. Perhaps tell your son its gone away for winter and he'll get another when it's warmer outside when hopefully you'll have a job and can afford to buy another?

user1479216930 · 15/11/2016 14:34

Thanks for the comments everyone. In some ways he's a good Dad.- always has his Son several days a week and my Son adores him. But he is very very mean with money. He's known for it. This I would say is out of character though. I never imagined he would take the trampoline. I knew he would take his own stuff but not mine or my sons. I'm shocked.

OP posts:
ChampsMum · 15/11/2016 14:36

In some ways he's a good Dad.- always has his Son several days a week and my Son adores him

He is not a good dad, a good dad wouldn't take his sons toy and sell it.

Arfarfanarf · 15/11/2016 14:36

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Bananasinpyjamas1 · 15/11/2016 14:36

It isn't nice. My Ex did similar, came in to our house while I was away and dismantled some furniture that we'd actually bought together, and took it away! I think it was a childish, aggresssive act, like yours did.

I know that this does not excuse it, but I think that an emasculated man does this kind of thing, I mean yours is not providing, has no job and can't even provide for his son. I don't think any boy grows up wanting to be such a person. But if they do they lash out in a childish way.

Let it go as the last thing your Ex has is your attention. And your attention should be on yourself, your son and getting a fantastic new boyfriend who does pull his weight and is kind to you. Don't sink to that level.

user1479216930 · 15/11/2016 14:37

You're right, I'm not going to sell my laptop. I need it for job hunting.

OP posts:
Tomorrowillbeachicken · 15/11/2016 14:37

Technically if he went on your property and took anything it's stealing.

HopelesslydevotedtoGu · 15/11/2016 14:38

How did he get into your garden? Does he have keys?

I would tell him and his parents that you are going to report the theft to the police. One of them will buy your son a new trampoline to stop this happening.

Don't sell your computer.

I would factually tell your son "Daddy has had to take your trampoline for now. I hope we can get it back soon". Don't cover for him, let your ex see there are consequences to his actions, but don't lead your son into a conclusion. The alternative is that he thinks you have taken his trampoline, or that it has been stolen by a stranger, which is no better than knowing that his dad took it.

lalalalyra · 15/11/2016 14:38

Why did he quit his job? If his parents are subbing him then why did he need to sell the trampoline? Is there something else going on? Drink? Drugs? Gambling?

I'm just thinking - you need to secure your house. Does he have keys? If he's got some sort of problem that requires ready cash quickly then you need to make sure he can't access your house when you are not there. You don't wnat to come home and find your laptop or tv gone as well.

Your poor son. I still very clearly remember my father selling our Christmas presents when I was 5 so do make sure he knows you weren't part of this.

twattymctwatterson · 15/11/2016 14:38

Seriously tell his parents. They are the ones enabling him anyway. Also please get out of the habit of thinking of him as a good dad. No even semi decent parent would ever dream of doing to their child what he's done to your son. You sound like a nice person but I think where it comes to this prick you seriously need to get tougher

ChuffMuffin · 15/11/2016 14:40

What an absolute piece of shit that man is. I'm so sorry to you and your son OP, having to deal with someone who would do something so nasty out of spite Flowers. By doing so he's punished your son over nothing!

I'm sure he won't, or it'll somehow magically be your fault, but next time he has your son you should ask him to explain to your crying child why he sold his trampoline.

God there are some fucking cruel people in the world.