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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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My ex stole our Son's trampoline

157 replies

user1479216930 · 15/11/2016 13:55

I am currently on income support but I'm a qualified teacher (hoping to get a job soon and have interviews lined up). As I'm sure you can imagine we are pretty poor at the moment.
Once bills are paid there's nothing left over. I left my Sons Dad about a year ago. He was training to be a teacher too but dropped out and left his job as the deputy manager of a special needs residential home. He is not entitled to job seekers allowance as he left his job so his financially comfortable parents are funding him at the moment. Because he technically has no income he has no duty to give me any maintenance. He has never paid maintenance as he has been unemployed since our split.

Now I have nothing. No valuables. When he left he took his tv,iPad,sound bar, PlayStation as he had bought them. I have an iPhone 5 and a £200 laptop and that is it. I need the laptop for job hunting and if it broke I would not be able to replace it.

He has our Son three days of the week so the lack of
Maintenance doesn't bother me, it's pretty much joint custody.

I recently went to visit my parents who are ill and I have come back to find my Sons trampoline has been taken. I found out my ex has gone into my garden while I was away, dismantled it and sold it for £200 On ebay.

It was bought by him just over a year and a half go, for our Sons birthday present. My Son loves his trampoline, was always on it and he came running into the garden to go on it, only to find it gone. I also have my Nephew over every Saturday. He has autism and a learning disability and spends hours on the trampoline, he loves it and it was a very important activity for him.

Since my ex has proof Of purchase he had the right to sell it but how mean is that? I've spoken to him about it and he says he needed the money, it's not essential for our Son to have it, and he bought it so whether I think it's mean or not means nothing to him. He bought it, he's entitled to sell it.

He could have at least left £100 For Another cheaper one. My Son doesn't need one as expensive as that one was but for my ex to just take his child's favourite toy and not replace it with anything at all. I just think it's so mean and disgusting to be honest. I'd rather he had taken my laptop. He isn't that desperate for money. His parents give him enough to live on and pay his rent. He smoked 20 Cigs a day and drinks a bottle of wine a night. He is getting job seekers from next month and has a job interview lined up for next week. He's not Literally starving.

Anyway I'm rambling now, I'm just devastated. My Son has very few toys, I have nothing, that trampoline was the only luxury we had and my Son
Loved it. He doesn't understand where it's gone. Aibu to think my ex is really really mean to do that?

I don't know whether to tell his parents about it as they will probably be mad at him and would buy a new one.

I'm going to have to sell my laptop now to buy a new one. AIBU to think this is just terrible behaviour on his part and really,really mean?

OP posts:
HuskyLover1 · 15/11/2016 17:44

He did steal it. And yes, I'd tell his parents and I'd tell him he has 7 days to return / replace or I'd go to the police. If he cares about his criminal record it might shake him up a bit. Do not sell your laptop, you need that

^^ This. x 1000

RandomMess · 15/11/2016 17:45

I would speak to his parents and ask if they could buy your DS a trampoline for Christmas due their son taking his and selling it.

Angry
HuskyLover1 · 15/11/2016 17:45

Furthermore, if you don't make a stand over this, you are opening yourself up for more of the same. He needs to know that you will NOT be fucked with.

Roomba · 15/11/2016 17:52

My cousin was a heroin addict, now thankfully long in recovery. He stole money from relatives and had a long line of convictions for burglary. He would be appalled at what your ex has done! The idea of stealing your own child's main pleasure in life - that's disgusting.

It's illegal too. The trampoline was a gift so is not his property to take. The police may not do much, but he doesn't know that. I would tell him you are reporting it unless he replaces it within 7 days.

He must be very desperate indeed for booze money (though I'd put money on other substances being involved as well). This alone would make me put a stop to the current shared parenting arrangement - not that he is truly sharing it anyway, his parents are.

MissVictoria · 15/11/2016 17:55

This man has an alcohol addiction to the point he's stealing back gifts from his own four year old son to sell to fund his habit, and he wants to be given responsibility to run a care home? He can't take care of himself, never mind look after elderly or vulnerable people! If i were you i'd do everything i could to ensure he's not put in a position of being in any kind of charge of other peoples care. He can get plenty of other jobs to support himself and his son and the elephant in the room but he is not someone who should get the job he really wants because he's not responsible enough for it in reality, even if he looks it on paper.

DoloresVanCartier · 15/11/2016 18:11

I actually have tears in my eyes for your poor DS. Do not sell your lap top, tell his parents!!

Katedotness1963 · 15/11/2016 18:14

Wow! I think your ex gets the prize for selfish prick of the year. How could he do that to his own child...

Frequency · 15/11/2016 18:14

I hope you manage to find a trampoline OP.

Yes to telling his parents.

Would selling the iphone be possible if you can't find a free trampoline? They still fetch quite a bit. You could use the money to buy a cheaper second-hand mobile and a second-hand trampoline.

ChampsMum · 15/11/2016 18:15

There is no point telling OP to threaten him with the police because they aren't going to do anything as he has proof of purchase, you can't exactly steal something you have proof of purchase of.

Like RandomMess tell his parents what he has done, you did say that they'd buy your son a new trampoline.

I hope it works out for you Flowers

acatcalledjohn · 15/11/2016 18:15

There is a massive difference between saying:

A) I am really sorry, I am hard up and need some emergency cash, would it be ok if I sold the trampoline and replace it in better times...

...and...

B) sneaking in to your garden, mowing your lawn to placate you, and stealing something which belongs to your son from your property.

If it wasn't a big deal he would have spoken to you in advance. He knows he's wrong, hence the sneaking, but has got you wrapped round his finger if you accept him mowing your lawn as a mitigating circumstance.

Chippednailvarnishing · 15/11/2016 18:18

He's funding a drug problem. By keeping quiet you're enabling him to use your son to fund his problem.

Aeroflotgirl · 15/11/2016 18:24

I agree with all here, what he did was extremely low and wrong. By not doing anything, your enabling him. I would give him a week to come up with another trampoline, or your going to the Police and will tell his parents what he's done.

BreakfastAtSquiffanys · 15/11/2016 18:25

Yep. Tell his parents what their cuntish son has done.
He has STOLEN your son's toy and you will be informing the police tomorrow morning.
Tough shit if that means your ex fails a DRB check,, it's not like him getting a job is of any benefit to you

AppleAndBlackberry · 15/11/2016 18:31

Definitely tell his parents and make sure he knows how upset your DS is. Also make sure you change passwords for any accounts that he might have known or been able to guess - banking, e-mail, Amazon etc. Maybe change the locks too, even if you don't think he still has a key.

Hermanfromguesswho · 15/11/2016 18:32

Message his parents now. Sugar it if you like by saying 'I'm quite worried about x. He's taken ds's trampoline without asking and sold it. I'm sure he wouldn't do something so drastic without being in real money trouble as we all know how much ds loves that trampoline. He was devastated when he saw it was gone. I just wanted you to know out of concern, so you can have a chat with x and find out what could be causing such problems for him that he felt he had to do this.'
Hopefully they will replace the trampoline and then bollock x for being such a twat!!!

2kids2dogsnosense · 15/11/2016 18:48

Also look into the situation with your house. Your ex letting himself in to sell things is not a good position to be in.

I was also thinking this ^^^

And put a padlock on your green gate.

Your ex is an absolute sh*t. How anyone can do a nasty trick like this to a small child - especially one who is presently in the position of having very few toys and whose mother has little spare cash to help him build happy childhood memories - is beyond me.

He IS a thief - the trampoline didn't belong to him. If you or his parents had given him a gift - a watch, or a camera say, and then just helped themselves to it with the justification that you/they had paid for it, would he think that was fair?

I would get in touch with him and tell him that you'll report the theft to the police if you don't get a like-for-like replacement. If he is so anxious to get a flash job he might just get his act sorted.

RichardBucket · 15/11/2016 18:59

The police won't be interested and I think making empty threats about criminal records will undermine your position.

Telling his parents does seem the best option, and you have absolutely no reason to feel guilty about accepting if they buy another trampoline! It's for their grandson, and they have the money.

icelollycraving · 15/11/2016 19:05

What an utter cunt. I would tell his parents & I would also reconsider the shared parenting if he's that desperate for a drink.
Twat.

DoloresVanCartier · 15/11/2016 19:08

Hey OP, just spent half an hour checking the 'net. If you are going to tell his parents and they do offer to get another one, they can get a 6/8/10/12ft trampoline with nets etc on eBay for £98-£120.

Your probably really stressed just now so just thought I'd give you an idea of prices if that's ok. (Most are free delivery)

user1479216930 · 15/11/2016 19:27

UPDATE: Hey everyone. Well my Son was crying earlier so I did phone my ex's parents and they've bought him a new one.theyre absolutely disgusted at my ex.

They've ordered him an 8ft one from Amazon and it should be here by Saturday. I'm so pleased. I was so upset as he went on it every day and my autistic nephew spends all of Saturday on it and needs routine. He would have been very disturbed to find it gone. He will find it a little hard as it will be a different trampoline but he will be excited so I think that will counteract.

My house is only mine. I'm the only tenant there. i don't have any concerns about him taking anything else though. There's nothing left that he bought.

I've also contacted eBay to explain that an item sold was in fact stolen. Don't know what their response will be.

To the two women that offered me a trampoline, I could never accept a free trampoline but that was so incredibly kind it made me cry. I'm new here so don't know how to private message (did try and work it out for ages) so just wanted to say thank you on here. You're really kind people.

OP posts:
RichardBucket · 15/11/2016 19:29

Brilliant news, OP. Smile

You sound like a fantastic mum, and I really mean that. I don't know if I'd be classy and selfless enough to put my son's relationship with his father above my own outrage (one of the reasons I haven't had kids). You're a good person.

PoldarksBreeches · 15/11/2016 19:33

That's good news. However...have you ever assembled a trampoline? I assembled our 8ft one myself and it took me bloody hours. You might want to ask around for help.

user1479216930 · 15/11/2016 19:34

My Sons grandparents are going to assemble it. :-)

OP posts:
2kids2dogsnosense · 15/11/2016 19:53

I am a totally nosey old bat who lives vicariously through others as I have no life of my own is passionately interested in other people.

I'm so glad your son is going to get a new trampoline. And that your ex's parents are now aware of what a toerag they have raised.

ChampsMum · 15/11/2016 19:56

user1479216930 So glad to hear that your son is getting a new one Smile

Finding it hard to understand why you've contacted eBay to tell them that it was stolen... I think you should just move on now the trampoline is being replaced.