My ex stole our Son's trampoline

[user1479216930]

I am currently on income support but I'm a qualified teacher (hoping to get a job soon and have interviews lined up). As I'm sure you can imagine we are pretty poor at the moment.
Once bills are paid there's nothing left over. I left my Sons Dad about a year ago. He was training to be a teacher too but dropped out and left his job as the deputy manager of a special needs residential home. He is not entitled to job seekers allowance as he left his job so his financially comfortable parents are funding him at the moment. Because he technically has no income he has no duty to give me any maintenance. He has never paid maintenance as he has been unemployed since our split.

Now I have nothing. No valuables. When he left he took his tv,iPad,sound bar, PlayStation as he had bought them. I have an iPhone 5 and a £200 laptop and that is it. I need the laptop for job hunting and if it broke I would not be able to replace it.

He has our Son three days of the week so the lack of
Maintenance doesn't bother me, it's pretty much joint custody.

I recently went to visit my parents who are ill and I have come back to find my Sons trampoline has been taken. I found out my ex has gone into my garden while I was away, dismantled it and sold it for £200 On ebay.

It was bought by him just over a year and a half go, for our Sons birthday present. My Son loves his trampoline, was always on it and he came running into the garden to go on it, only to find it gone. I also have my Nephew over every Saturday. He has autism and a learning disability and spends hours on the trampoline, he loves it and it was a very important activity for him.

Since my ex has proof Of purchase he had the right to sell it but how mean is that? I've spoken to him about it and he says he needed the money, it's not essential for our Son to have it, and he bought it so whether I think it's mean or not means nothing to him. He bought it, he's entitled to sell it.

He could have at least left £100 For Another cheaper one. My Son doesn't need one as expensive as that one was but for my ex to just take his child's favourite toy and not replace it with anything at all. I just think it's so mean and disgusting to be honest. I'd rather he had taken my laptop. He isn't that desperate for money. His parents give him enough to live on and pay his rent. He smoked 20 Cigs a day and drinks a bottle of wine a night. He is getting job seekers from next month and has a job interview lined up for next week. He's not Literally starving.

Anyway I'm rambling now, I'm just devastated. My Son has very few toys, I have nothing, that trampoline was the only luxury we had and my Son
Loved it. He doesn't understand where it's gone. Aibu to think my ex is really really mean to do that?

I don't know whether to tell his parents about it as they will probably be mad at him and would buy a new one.

I'm going to have to sell my laptop now to buy a new one. AIBU to think this is just terrible behaviour on his part and really,really mean?

I left him because of his attitude to life. No motivation, no money, always jumping from job to job, dropping out of uni despite good grades. I'm glad I'm finished with him now. I've been asked on dates by loads of guys, I can do better and when I ready will date a man who actually supports me and is an equal in the relationship.

I don't think he took the trampoline to be mean though,hejustwantedthe money. There's nothing more to it. He'd actually mown my lawn while I was away too. A few days earlier so he does help out at my house. He's just mean with money, wanted the money and sold the trampoline.

By making excuses for him you are also enabling him

Caudwell children charity could fund another trampoline for your son as he has asd.
www.caudwellchildren.com/apply-support/

Cerebra charity is another one that could help:
w3.cerebra.org.uk/help-and-information/
Cerebra also have a stress helpline for parents.

Did he mow the lawn to be 'nice' or scope out what he could steal to sell. Because what he's done is not something a kind person doing a favour would do. He's been round 'helping' you to have a look at what he could take. That'

Has he also sold his iPad??

What a prick.

Have you ever applied to the family fund?
www.familyfund.org.uk

Tell him you're calling the police to report it missing and that it will show up on a DBS check which would be very embarrassing to explain, or he can buy a replacement by the weekend to avoid this. If he says no then follow through. It is burglary.

I don't mean to make excuses. I think it was really really shitty. I think he's a rubbish ex partner but I would be lying if I said he was a terrible Dad. My Son adores him and he does spend his time with him.

I think he does have some kind of drink problem. He has very little money but chooses to spend quite a bit of money on alcohol and he is also a smoker. So that takes a lot of money.

I think he's spoiltthe and in his mind there was nothing wrong with taking the trampoline. I think it's terrible though, and it angers me how he cannot seem to see that. He just thinks he bought it and should be able to sell it.

He did steal it as it's your son's. Don't sell your laptop as it's far more important for all your futures and absolutely tell his parents. They need to know what a lowlife their son is. And hopefully they'll replace the trampoline .

I'm utterly shocked and appalled at his behaviour, like everyone else. Just a thought - coming up to Christmas there are lots of bargains on Ebay. Is it worth having a look on there - you might strike lucky.

Sorry, I've re read the OP, and realised it's your nephew who has autism.
Sorry, these charities won't be of any help to a child without a disability. You can let your nephews' parents know about them though.

He has always helped in the garden without me asking. He's done it for a while. Not loads though, just the odd tidying of the garden.

He has sold all his valuables this year. He has problems with money, needs to sort his life out. But that shouldn't be mine or my sons problem and he shouldn't be selling my sons stuff to fund himself.

The family fund did mention they give out trampolines but it would have to be at my nephews house though I think. And I would feel bad taking one from them as my son has no disability.

I'd agree with the rest. Tell him to replace it and if he won't contact the police. A good dad would not do that.

I would say that it all points to him being unable to understand that others have needs aswell as him. I would put money on him coming round to mow your lawn to scope out what he could take to sell. He was looking for something he could say he bought, something he could sell without you calling the police.

His alcoholism is also classic for people with an inability to empathise. They slip into addiction to make themselves better as life never really goes right for them and they don't know why. They fail to kick the habit because they don't care how it may affect others.

He may seem like he's being a 'good dad' but he is not putting a roof over his son's head (his parents are 3 days a week, you the other 4). He isn't feeding him. Clothing him. giving him things. He's taken his favourite toy to pay for his drink and fags. He may enjoy spending time with a little lad who adores him, but the minute your son starts wanting things that conflict with what his dad wants to do there will be a problem. Like when he wants his trampoline back.

SexLubeAndAFishSlice - wankpuffin is probably the best insult i've ever heard read!

OP, I am absolutely fuming for you, I cannot believe that a grown man would do that to his son. Tell his bloody mother what a complete dirtbag she has raised and let her foot the bill for a new one or, preferably, remove all funding from the twat until he's replaced it himself. She certainly should have taught him better than to steal from children. Disgraceful behaviour.

I hope your son is ok

I am so sorry to read about your situation. He's an absolute arsehole with no brain at all.... things will improve for you, you're obviously better off without him. What a lazy piece of... jesus, sorry, this made me so so so angry!!!!

Please do not sell your laptop, you need it the most just now. Do try freecycle or somewhere. I wish I had a trampoline I could give to your son

Put a great big lock on the back gate. He's only popping round to get something from you. I wonder if he's taken his parents' valuables to sell. Are you sure he only has a drink problem? Is he a drug addict?

You need to draw a line on him 'helping'. And you need to explode at him for exploiting the 'help' to access your garden to sell your son's trampoline. And you do also need to watch his parenting very, very closely.

Someone who has sol all their possessions to fund drink is most probably an alcoholic. Someone who resorts to selling their child's birthday present - that their child uses EVERY day - is most definately an alcoholic. Good parents who become alcoholics can also become shit parents very quickly.

The fact your child adores him doesn't make him a good person. I adored my mother despite the fact she stood an watched my father throw an iron at my brother. 4/5 year old children are not good judges of character.

You need to speak to his parents, explain what has happened and then you need to work out what is best for your son going forward because your ex is quite clearly, imo, starting to spiral out of control and that will, at some point, have a negative effect on your son and it's your job to protect him when he needs protecting.

I say 'only' what I mean is is there another addiction that is swallowing all his money? I would say he's probably stolen from his parents' too, or he is about to if he's run out of things to sell. I would not let him anywhere near your house.

Please stop making excuses for him, stop him entering your property to do "gardening", cut all the non-essential ties and create boundaries, he is not a good dad, these are not the actions of a good dad.

The police are unlikely to want to get involved.
Put a big lock on the gate and change front door locks if you haven't.
Don't bad mouth the dad in front of your son, its damaging.
Tell his parents and shame him to his face.
Ask him for half the money to buy a cheaper trampoline?
Don't sell the laptop.
He needs to grow up.

The more you say, the more I think his parents need to know.

I think he's stolen from them too. Or is about to.

I would also just ring the police. Because he is getting desparate and the next thing you know 'someone' has broken into your shed/garage and nicked the tools. If you log it now with them they can have it on record he comes round yours and takes stuff. I'd change locks, secure your house, secure your outbuildings if you have any. Remove any access he has to your stuff.