DH, working hours, housework, fucked off

[Twalls]

DH reckons his working hours are more strenuous than mine.
He works Monday to Thursday (7.30 -4.30) and Friday morning until 11.30. He then gets all Friday afternoon and the rest of the weekend off.
This week I'm working Monday - Thursday 8-5 and sat & sun 8-5. I only have today off.

So today, on my one day off - I've prepared a casserole in the slow cooker, washed, dried and put away two lots of laundry, cleaned two bathrooms from top to bottom, tidied and hoovered the bedroom, unloaded and loaded the dishwasher and cleaned the kitchen.

I asked DH if he would tidy the living room and dining room. He said he would - 3 hours ago.

Instead he's played grand theft auto. I've asked numerous times now if he'all help me and all I get is "10 more minutes".

I'm fucked off. He has all weekend to play on games. This is my one day off. Apart from the housework, I would have thought on my one day off he might have wanted to spend a bit of time with me, instead of playing games on his own in the dining room.
He thinks I'm being unreasonable. Am I? Because at the moment I feel like just fucking off and being by myself for a bit. I am anyway - in the living room on my own while he plays his precious game.

Yanbu

So he works 40 hours, you have worked 56? You have done day off, and have spent it doing house things. He has 2.5 and has played GTA.

Sod that for a game of soldiers.

He is a selfish lazy man child. Is he always like this? What a twat.

YANBU

He's a twat. Plus you work more hours than him so he should be doing at least 50% of the crap jobs.

Take the fuse out of the plug for the console.

Present him with a written calculation of the hours worked and ask him why he deserves so much more downtime that you.

regardless of how many hours you work he is likely to think his working week is harder, longer, more stressful. His commute is longer so no time to relax, or if yours is longer 'at least you have time to yourself in the car'. If you set off later you get a lie in. If you set off earlier 'he has to deal with the kids'If you don't work Fridays 'oh you get a day off in the week' (ignores you working weekends).

You can't win, he thinks housework is your job. He sounds lazy.

Lazy bastard, watching you do all the housework round him.

Do you have kids?

Next week don't do any of it. Get yourself takeout on Friday and if he asks why there is no dinner, tell him its your day off.

Equally, bring it up with him and tell him he needs to pull his weight. and chuck his games console out the window.

Does he earn more than you? Is that why he thinks menial work is your job?

What 43 said.

""I asked DH if he would tidy the living room and dining room.""

It should have been decided between you, who was doing what and by when.

Otherwise you're putting yourself in the Housekeeper default position.

Make him be involved in the house being a nice environment for your family.

The issue with lots of men is that they aren't forced to engage with what it entails to be an adult, running a household.

Draw up what needs doing and whose going to do it. At the moment he's employing teenage tactics.

YANBU. Not on, at all. He clearly thinks he is more important than you are. While I don't think people shouldn't get downtime, he just isn't being fair. Even half and half would be much better than this. I really don't know how you could make him be more reasonable though, I assume you have tried to speak to him seriously about his utter laziness?

He's a selfish, lazy manchild. Why do you put up with it?

I know 2 couples like this. Couple 1 - she is a teacher. Couple 2 - he is a teacher. Partners work pretty similar office type jobs.

Couple 1 feel she has it easy as she has weekends off and school hols - she does the housework and kids.

Couple 2 feel she gets it easy as he is a teacher and works all the hours God sends, his holidays are to relax. So err... She does the housework and kids.

Pretty typical way to get the woman to do the housework...

Get out of the house and go and do something nice by yourself. If he hadn't done the agreed housework by this evening then tell him he can pay for a cleaner out of his wages (not joint)

YANBU. Get him told!

Hire a cleaner and on your day off go out somewhere and do something you enjoy.

YANBU.

But does he expect you to do all that, or do you do it because you feel like you should? Because if I only had one day off, there's no way I'd spend it cleaning the house from top to bottom when the other adult in the house had two and a half days to himself.

Or will be looking after DC all weekend?

Hire a cleaner and on your day off go out somewhere and do something you enjoy.

I reckon you're too tired to do anything else now, so he's either on tea duty or taking you out for tea!! Also, I hope he's cooking and washing up duty over the weekend. If his work clothes need ironing, I'd conveniently forget to do them so he'll have to do them Sunday night if you haven't.

He's running around now making a point of doing housework whilst making it clear he's in an arse with me for daring to speak out.

I just feel really, really low right now. We're both in professional careers but he earns more than me. It shouldn't make a difference though, we're married and it all goes into the same pot, including my child maintainance and child benefit (not his kids).

He's just been bragging that he's going to book every Friday off work now until Christmas as he has all these hours he's owed - whilst knowing full well that I'm working all over Christmas including Christmas Day and Boxing Day. He gets two full weeks off for Christmas.

It's not all about work though, it's everything. He doesn't even want to spend time with me on my one day off - he'd rather play games by himself.

Perhaps he's had a shit day or a shit week and wants to relax for a couple of hours. Is there really any reason why he can't do some cleaning later this afternoon, or perhaps tomorrow? When you told him to clean the dining/living rooms, did you agree a timescale with him? If you just said "please could you tidy Z because I've done X and Y" then really you've got no reason to complain - he might think it better to do the cleaning when you're not there, so you don't have to put up with the noise of him vacuuming?

Either that or he's just a dick.

So what is the point of him?

You'd be better off and happier on your own.

Another man-child - professional at work, turns into a little boy when they come home. I have one.

We have my two kids living here, youngest is 15 so doesn't need looking after. Eldest is always out or occupying himself so never a problem.

And yes he does expect me to do the housework. If I hadn't done it he'd come in huffing and puffing that the bogs need scrubbing, the laundry needs sorting and the kitchen is a mess - often with the added comment "you've been off all day, what exactly have you done??.

And yeah he'll say he'll do dinner on the weekend - which involves slinging a pizza in the oven. Doesn't really compare to the hours I spend preparing cooking proper meals.