DH, working hours, housework, fucked off

[Twalls]

DH reckons his working hours are more strenuous than mine.
He works Monday to Thursday (7.30 -4.30) and Friday morning until 11.30. He then gets all Friday afternoon and the rest of the weekend off.
This week I'm working Monday - Thursday 8-5 and sat & sun 8-5. I only have today off.

So today, on my one day off - I've prepared a casserole in the slow cooker, washed, dried and put away two lots of laundry, cleaned two bathrooms from top to bottom, tidied and hoovered the bedroom, unloaded and loaded the dishwasher and cleaned the kitchen.

I asked DH if he would tidy the living room and dining room. He said he would - 3 hours ago.

Instead he's played grand theft auto. I've asked numerous times now if he'all help me and all I get is "10 more minutes".

I'm fucked off. He has all weekend to play on games. This is my one day off. Apart from the housework, I would have thought on my one day off he might have wanted to spend a bit of time with me, instead of playing games on his own in the dining room.
He thinks I'm being unreasonable. Am I? Because at the moment I feel like just fucking off and being by myself for a bit. I am anyway - in the living room on my own while he plays his precious game.

So doe she spend his weekend looking after the DC? Depending on ages that's not really time "off". If you were keen to spend time with him, why did you spend today cleaning?

Because the idea was we could get the housework done and then have a couple of hours to ourselves this afternoon. But apparently grand theft auto is more appealing.

WLF nope he is a dick.
Because if it was 'oh I've had a crap week' I doubt the OP would be annoyed by it. Because it would be a one off.
And it is clear that it Is NOT a one off but his default position.

And I also HATE games (Xbox etc..). It seems that nowdays they are a reason good enough for grown adults not to take any notice of people around them, just like when they were teenagers.
Sod that.

I'm really torn on this one.

I wouldn't like to be told how to spend my free time. I'm off today and working all weekend. DP is at work today but will be off at the weekend. I did do some housework but I've spent most of the day binge-watching Netflix. If he was off as well, I'd probably still binge-watch Netflix and I wouldn't really appreciate him moaning at me for it.

Likewise he's off for two weeks over Christmas and I'm working the lot. I could be irritated at him but what's the point? I can't get any holiday due to the industry I work in - he has to take holiday because his boss shuts the business down for the festive period. He shouldn't brag, but what do you expect him to do?

But if he's generally being a dick and not pulling his weight, you need to talk to him. It's not fair that you're spending your day off doing housework while he gets to sit around playing video games - but ask yourself, is that your choice? If you didn't do it, would he pick up the slack while you're working, or would it get worse and worse?

'I wouldn't like to be told how to spend my free time.'

But he tells her what to do with hers, which he thinks should be spent cleaning.

"what have you been doing all day?"

"Well, I added it all up and it turns out I also have all these hours owed, so I'm going to be taking them as housework holiday until the numbers balance out again."

Lazy men everywhere!

Sod taking the fuse out I'd cut the plug off!

Definitely stop doing anything that directly benefits him!

I don't think it's unreasonable that you each commit a half day to housework each. On top of the daily dishes/tidying as you go.

Hibu if he thinks that is too big an ask. Especially when he has 2.5 days off a week.

But he can do his share on the other two days off, surely?

Why does OP have to do what he tells her, or what he expects of her?

"If he was off as well, I'd probably still binge-watch Netflix and I wouldn't really appreciate him moaning at me for it."

But would you be stomping around complaining that the housework hadn't been done if you hadn't done anything to help? Honestly OP, if he whinges about the toilets not being clean, tell him to stop using them. No food ready? Cook something. No clean clothes? Do some fucking laundry. It's one thing to enjoy your time off but trampling all over your partner's time off is just not on.

To put this in context - I work F/T, DH is a SAHD. We both chip in with the housework and neither of us can sit down and ignore the fact that the other is racing around trying to get washing, cleaning, cooking done because it means one of us isn't pulling their weight (single exception - if we're taking it in turns to do stuff e.g. I get up at 6am with DS and let DH sleep in, do a bit of washing up, get a load of laundry on - I will loaf around while he cleans/hangs out the washing/cooks or something when he does get up).

he's a prick.
god help you for putting up with this so long.
I'd request a separation at the very least.

But would you be stomping around complaining that the housework hadn't been done if you hadn't done anything to help?

No, but I did x-post with the OP there. She hadn't mentioned that when I was typing my post.

But I also wouldn't be spending my only day off doing housework, regardless of how much DP moaned about it.

What positives does he bring to your life OP?

And yes he does expect me to do the housework. If I hadn't done it he'd come in huffing and puffing that the bogs need scrubbing, the laundry needs sorting and the kitchen is a mess - often with the added comment "you've been off all day, what exactly have you done??

Next time he does this, tell him you have done all those things for the last 200 weeks (or however long it is), he's off all of Saturday and Sunday, for the next 200 weeks it is his turn.

Just read your update. Does he have any redeeming qualities? If he lived alone he would have to cook, clean and scrub his own loo. Why doesn't he feel the need to because he's married?

His strop is to get you to Stfu. No doubt he feels a) you and your kids make 75% of the mess b) he earns more so he must be a harder worker - so the housework is yours to do.

I couldn't live with someone like this. He's prepared to watch you run around on your only day off whilst he relaxes. Why would you want the one you love to be exhausted? He's a bad egg.

Oh I work f/t btw, dh is a sahd.

Do you know where the fusebox is? How about a sudden powercut in the midst of Grand theft Auto?

Why are you with him?
Serious question.

Why not, on your Friday morning off, read books, watch TV, paint your toenails and then, when he gets home, and only when he gets home, get busy cleaning the toilets and room where his gaming equipment is, so that he can't shit or play, and then throw a pizza in the oven for your contribution to the cooking effort? You could also put on a huffy face and tell him off for not tidying up over the weekend? Maybe also cut through the wires of his gaming equipment in a way that makes it look like they were gnawed through and say you've also had to tidy up mouse droppings.

But I also wouldn't be spending my only day off doing housework, regardless of how much DP moaned about it.

Which would be ok if, and only if, you'd made arrangements for your share to be done without you doing it on your only day off. That could involve you doing it on other days, outsourcing, whatever. But taking responsibility for it.

I could never be attracted to a man like this.

when he gets home, get busy cleaning the toilets and room where his gaming equipment is, so that he can't shit or play

Your DH sounds like a real pain, reminds me of my DH when the kids were little. I'm afraid I gave up running round doing all the household things a long time ago, our house is a bit of a tip. I guess it depends on your priorities. I clean the things that need to be cleaned for hygiene reasons.

I realise I sound like a complete slob here, but I'm just being realistic. You can decrease the amount you do round the house to make it fairer, but you can't force DH to do more.

I'd hide the games console in the cleaning cupboard. See how long it takes him to find it

He's being a massive prick, OP. Yes, we all like to veg out from time to time on a day off, but he's being very, very selfish. Given how you're only on one day off this week, he could have done his fair share and spent some time with you, knowing full well he had all weekend to play his games. If he's like this a lot, I think you two definitely need to have a conversation before the resentment seeps in too deep.

Like others I came to say cut the plug off but I see I've been beaten to it. You could respond to this as you would with a child, and remove the game and refuse to give it back until diddums chores have been done, (take it to work in your bag) but as others have noted that's a deeply unattractive quality to have in ones spouse and would make him lose all sex appeal.

See also, changing the wifi password - but that is a PARENTING tip handed out online not a marital relations tip.

Unplugging or changing wifi password etc not an option. He'd hit the fucking roof.