AIBU to think that parents who have had a child removed for abuse shouldn't be sharing 'I love my daughter' posts on Facebook?

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My brother and his wife look after their niece who was abused by her birth parents. The child has no contact with her parents, and as jobless no-hopers, they don't contribute in any way to her life. She was taken into care after they neglected and harmed her (the dire state of their home was worthy of a Daily Mail photo story), but because the family court operates in secrecy, they have been pedaling lies and messages of 'I'd do anything for my daughter' and 'we're victims of injustice' for years. My brother maintains a dignified silence whilst they slag him off to anyone that will listen.

I feel like posting the truth on their pages so that no-one else falls for their BS, but know that I'd just end up getting blocked - and possibly facing 'contempt of court' charges.

So, Mumsnetters - what would you do?

it can be risky to always assume this is the place they will thrive

It isn't always assumed. If it was relatives and friends wouldn't have to undergo checks and assessments. They wouldn't have to go to court and pay for SGOs.

But even when children are placed with less than perfect friends and family carers (and this does happen) they are often still in a better position than if they had been put into foster care. Not because all foster carers are rubbish but because the system often is.

There is no such thing as a 'clean break' . Kids don't leave their history behind them.

Its worth baring in mind that some of the issues that make kinship care problematic are absolutely nothing to do with the care and love they are given by their carers. It is to do with issues that would be surmountable if the carers were given better support.

The children's needs should always be foremost when deciding on a placement. If that means that a relative is NOT always the best option it should also mean that if a relative IS the best option the placement should be adequately supported.

A placement should never be rejected or fail due to lack of resources. That isn't putting the child first.

Keep a dignified quiet manner.

Be there for your brother and sister in law when/if things go pear shaped.

CP

OP please block any social media contact with these people. Does it really matter what they say or the opinions of those who express sympathy without having all the evidence? IMHO no it doesn't!

When you do know the full extent of the situation that has happened ending up with a child being removed from their BPs then I can fully appreciate how reading comments on pages such as FB that insult and slander the people who have taken over the care of a child can make you infuriated and frustrated. So if you block them and anyone connected to them you will not see any of their opinions.

Is FB some kind of 'arbiter' of great parenting then? I don't think so and give no credence to absolutely anything that anybody posts on there.

OP - you know what the true situation is and so do they. If they want to post that they love their daughter then so what? It doesn't take away their shortcomings and anybody who knows them knows that.

There are quite a few people I think who shouldn't be parents at all, but they are and they think they're fab. I expect they blether all over FB too. Just see it for the vacuous, attention-seeking that it is and ignore.

Stay out of it. Block them, it's none of your business.

Maybe in their own way, they do love her. Very few parents truly hate their children, even the abusive ones. You can understand the love without sympathising with those who commit unforgivable acts.

Children often love their parents too, despite what has been done to them.

Justhereforthepoostories you wrote:

"Always pictures of the twins taken in the contact/access centre with captions like "me n me babez in there new clothes after been down town. I luvs them I do" and then comments of "you always have them looking so lovely" etc. Eh, no- you see them for an hour of supervised access once a week and show up less than half of the time. You've never bought them a Christmas or birthday present. "

Does it make you feel better about yourself to sneer at someone's literacy ability?

Keep the focus on the child. She is the priority and it sounds like your brother and his wife are giving her a lovely life. Do not post anything that could strengthen any future court case for them. Block them so you don't have to see it.

remember that ghastly philpott case......didnt he say he loved his children too....all the crying, all the people feeling sorry for him and his wife.....the truth does finally reveal itself...support your brother and the child....and ignore/block these incompetent BPs

What an odd thread..Lots of people trying to explain to OP why DC parents were abusive....

OP you know what went on..For DC sake hold a dignified silence too... I agree most people will know exactly how DC was living..

Also you need to block on Social media..

Please remember that the only person that really matters here is the child. And if you 'get into it' with the birth parents on Facebook ultimately it will be the child who loses again. Stay well out of it.

Mycat, I don't think poostories was making fun of that particular poster on Facebook.

I read it as the mother was crowing about what an awesome mum she was for buying them a few bits of clothing, and visiting them for half an hour each week. Then proceeding to have another child, rather than address the issues that led to her having her twins put into foster care, with the goal that they be returned to her.

Exactly so inThe

People may judge others for not pulling these parent up, not telling them about themselves etc.
What good does that do?
It gives the teller off a buzz for doing the 'right thing' and the parents usually love the drama.
Meanwhile there is a child involved. A child who may very well see all that argy bargy later on.
Children don't want to be told their birth parents are evil, wicked, bad people. They are part of that child forever. Who wants to feel that the are descended from monsters?

Its a difficult part of being an adoptive parent or guardian of a child. You have to rise above it and mind your the child's feelings. You have to let the abuse and lies go over your head and not join in.

Really RubbishMantra? Are you being deliverately obtuse? If that were the case, why take the piss out of the woman's grammar?

The woman may well be in the wrong. We don't know the full reasons why she doesn't have her kids. But people that sneer like that - it's not on.

Some people just are useless though.

Someone I know - 5 kids at last count. All living away from her. Two adopted out. All she does is moan on FB about how her family don't do enough for her. It's all bullshit. They do what they can. Her parents are fabulous people whose only mistake was to rather spoil and indulge her.
She also posts lots of "I love my kids so much I'm such a proud mummy/one day when the babies come looking for me they'll understand what I've been through" etc etc 🙄

Oh and lists her occupation as "Full time mummy".

I suppose that sounds better than "spends the odd hour of supervised access at McDonalds" 🙄

You were with them all the time growing up, I take it, Calm?

The woman may well be in the wrong. We don't know the full reasons why she doesn't have her kids. But people that sneer like that - it's not on

If you read my post, you'll see I gave the reason her kids were put into care.

Also, not sure if you spotted the quotation marks I used but I was quoting the post this person put on Facebook, hence quotation marks.

Wittering on FB about how much you love your kids...or having their names and birth dates tatooed down your arm (as mentioned above) is piss easy to do and requires virtually zero effort or personal sacrifice on behalf of the parent...

...you'll never catch me declaring my devoted love to my DDs on FB. But I have always been there for them. Always. And I have always prioritised their needs before my own.

Words are just so much empty noise...dragging yourself out of bed, with a throat infection to stand watching your child on a freezing touch line at 8am on a Sunday morning... that is love.

I would block and ignore them . They can post whatever they choose, it doesn't make it true . I could post on FB that I am so chuffed I have lost 8 stone and am now a size 10 , lots of people would congratulate me , the ones who don't really see me , all the other's would be thinking WTF ? A couple of them may even pull me up on it as being a fib . The post would still be there and I would still be fat Iyswim ?

justhere, you were still taking the piss even if you were literally quoting from facebook verbatim which I doubt.

if that makes you feel good about yourself, it speaks volumes about you and your need to look superior. A bit like the posters on here who take the piss out of people who use the term 'hun'.

You can be pissed off with women who for whatever reason have had their kids taken from them, without resorting to humiliating them and making condescending comments about how they spell.

Considering what that woman did, I personally would take great pleasure in humiliating her up hill and down dale...though would need to massively dumb down the vocabulary I used, clearly...

Totally agree with you about it being deluded 'self soothing' navy. I believe, in the end, they 98% manage to convince themselves that they are the victims...these people will always seem to cast themselves as the hero in their sad, tawdry lives.