for being bl***y LIVID with my mother?
Callmemadam · 12/02/2007 22:18
My eldest ds (nearly 16) has a brilliant relationship with his youngest sibling (DD2, nearly 5). He and ds2 and dd1 are all away at boarding school, so this half term, as usual, dd2 was crawling all over her big brother, getting tickled, roughed up, having her toys played with, and generally having a riotous family time. Anyway, my mother came over on Saturday afternoon and saw ds1 playing with dd2 and rang him 'in confidence' later that evening to say that 'he should be careful that people didn't jump to the wrong conclusion' if they saw her 'crawling ' all over him . I am still so angry I can hardly speak, partly because I thought it was such a sick thing to say to ds, and partly because she bloody said it 'in confidence'!!! Thank God he was able to tell me why she phones. The sad thing is that - whatever he says - I can tell it HAS affected his relationship with dd2 . To put it in perspective, my siblings and I were brought up in a very non-tactile way, but even so I find the fact that she could come up with such a comment really upsetting................
handlemecarefully · 12/02/2007 22:25
That's such a damaging and screwed up thing to say. Damn it - I am fuming on your behalf.
You should say something to your mum (when you feel calmer about it). You can't let this one go
In her defence (I am being charitable) is it her generation? I could imagine my mother (70's) coming out with similar tripe. Doesn't help that my mother was poorly educated and has never had her horizon's challenged or encouraged to be reflective / contemplative
Callmemadam · 12/02/2007 22:30
Oh thank God that you don't think I am being stupid - I am SO So angry with her and I honestly don't know what, if anything to say to her....I Do feel she has sullied their relationship somehow, and the sad thing is that she is a little bit of an only child becaus of the age gap and so her fantastic relationship with the others has always been a bit of a bonus, and for ds1 she has always given him bit of a broader family perspective IYSWIM. He often baths her for me if I am cooking supper but I can't see him doing that now TBH
Callmemadam · 12/02/2007 22:33
Maybe her generation - I don't know - but I do know that we would never ever have crawled on either parent's lap ever (there were 5 of us) and I can't honestly remember a hug from my dad ever. Mum yes, but they were asked for, not given. I just don't think she saw their affection as entirely normal FGS! Or she did, but wanted to warn him that 'others' might not!!!
pooka · 12/02/2007 22:34
Of all the "am I being unreasonable" threads, this is one where I really can see no grey area. You are asbolutely right to be livid.
It's so sad that he has been made to feel that his affection for his own sister is in some way unpalatable.
Really don't know how this can be addressed. I would make it clear to your mother that what she said was unacceptable, but once said... not sure how you can make your ds forget it.
Sobernow · 12/02/2007 22:35
This reply has been deleted
Message withdrawn at poster's request.
NurseyJo · 12/02/2007 22:42
This reply has been deleted
Aloha · 12/02/2007 23:22
Don't assume she has ruined their relationship. Right now he's shocked and upset. But that could wear off, especially if you talk to him and explain your mother is very strange, hates physical affection which made your childhood hard, and is being really odd and out of order and nobody thinks the stuff she does. Point out how important it is to his sister and how much she loves him and needs him to make her feel part of the family. I really think it is much more likely that the sheer exuberance of an innocent six year old will win out over the twisted thoughts of your mother.
Having said that, I think she has behaved appallingly, most of all by daring to phone your son 'in confidence'. I do think you need to confront her to tell her never to try anything like this ever, ever again, and to bear in mind your son tells you everything and you take a very dim view of her trying to encourage him to be secretive and furtive.
To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.