Not wanting to breastfeed

[Cocklodger]

99.9 percent sure I'm going to be causing a bun fight, really hoping that doesn't happen.
My LG is a few days old. I don't want to breastfeed.
I just,don't want to. Its difficult, It feels unpleasant (I have tried) I really don't like it, Its much easier for me to FF and I know FF is almost as good.
When I told my MW I didn't want to I felt forced to try, still don't like it now.
But I've had a couple of (negative) comments already about it, I don't feel like elaborating hugely so just say ''I just don't want to'', soon to be ex h has had massive a strop about it, My sister and mother have commented also.
Is it U for these comments to be made?
Surely its my right to choose how my baby gets fed without judgement.

basketofironing I meant put them down when they were asleep. Either they'd wake up when put down or want to suck on and off as they slept.
"better" is perhaps too emotive an adjective to use. If we came to a stage where humanoid robots were on sale for minding small babies would it not be a higher spec or better model that could hold the baby and comfort it for a long period rather than the one that could feed it but would then place it in a cot?

Of course when bf you can put babies down but you still need to be around if your breasts are their dummys.

Trifle I thought it was funny! And I am quite happy to be compared to a cow. I like cows. Very healthy diet and lifestyle, excellent mothers usually, non violent, veggie, make lovely handbags, what's not to like?

SpeakNoWords Don't worry; that is absolute nonsense. Breastmilk is made when needed. It is not sitting there for 39 years waiting for when you get pregnant, hence the size of the breast being irrelevant to whether sufficient milk can be produced or not.

Greengoddess we don't actually know why 99% of women stop breastfeeding because it isn't officially documented anywhere.

Stars, up to you, but as a 33 first mum that would have me spitting nails. My breast milk is perfectly suitable for my baby and she was being ridiculous. Formula is also perfectly suitable!

A quick Google provided an interesting article about the breast milk toxins topic.

The gist seems to be that these toxins are an unavoidable part of modern life.
So that's helpful then.

Sorry, Star, my initial reaction there may have been emotional! I'm sure she was trying to make you feel better.

www.scientificamerican.com/article/earth-talks-breast-feeding/

Just out of interest, I googled. It seems she wasn't quite a nut job! In fact, she was a kind, down to earth person and to have 'got her fired' would have been bonkers.

She was being sympathetic and humorous and trying to reassure me that it was okay to stop.

I guess it's an emotive subject for everyone. All that matters is that you're happy with your individual choice. The benefits of bf are disputed and the truth is that we don't really know. A huge reason I wanted to bf is because formula is so bloody expensive. Everyone makes their decision based of their own personal circumstances and beliefs.
I think it's sad that there's so much fighting over the issue, I don't ever see women fighting over other parenting choices like cosleeping or blw.
There's a lot of pressure to bf when you're pregnant and in hospital and perhaps that needs to be looked in to. It can feel very much like you're being forced to 'at least try' and not so much just presenting the facts in a non-emotive way so that women can make an informed decision either way.
I hope there will be a day when I bf thread doesn't end up with a fight.

Of course breast milk contains some environmental toxins - that doesn't mean it is poisonous to babies. They will absorb those toxins themselves. As I say, I'm sure she was trying to make you feel better but it wouldn't have made me feel better. I'd have thrown her out!

Up to you!!!! I really want to BF if I can but that is my business and so it is your own decision!
People are waaaaaay too quick to comment on other people's lives. I would never do anything like that!
Just ignore or say. It is actually my business so keep your opinion to yourself, I havent asked for advice

"No-one is 'rubbishing' the benefits of breastfeeding. They are simply objecting to them being overstated against expert opinion"

Does NHS Choices overstate the benefits of breastfeeding?

Or UNICEF?

Or the Royal College of Midwives?

Because I've lifted information about breastfeeding straight from their web pages in response to comments on mumsnet that the benefits of breastfeeding are trivial, and been accused of 'scare mongering' and blowing things out of proportion by doing so.

Are the above organisations what you would consider 'expert opinion'?

If so, why are they being disregarded?

No one has said 'trivial', they have said marginal. I don't believe the organisations you cite dispute this. There are benefits to breastfeeding. The benefits are marginal.

OK OP you asked for retorts. I liked the 'are we talking about my nipples?' One. Made me think of Anchorman - you could do the whole 'are we talking about my BREASTS? My beautiful BREASTS?' Type thing (I may have used this when talking about how I would give birth with (mostly male) family members who decided they had a right to an opinion. I said 'I'm sorry, are we talking about your vagina? No? Mine? Then perhaps I should be allowed to decide what happens to it?')

'It's not even formula in there. It's milk mixed with whisky' 'helps them sleep'

Maybe you could say 'oh brilliant you're here to judge on my parenting decisions. Can I run my nappy brand past you? What I use in the bath? What are your thoughts about elimination communication? Can you help me choose a nursery / childminder? Should I use non-bio washing powder?...' And just go on and on

Can't think of any non-sarky ones. Well except fuck off.

I wouldn't call 4 IQ points (well maybe on MN as most dc here are geniuses so the extra few points wouldn't make much difference ;-)) or earning 1/3 more than the average income level a marginal benefit.
www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2015/mar/18/brazil-longer-babies-breastfed-more-achieve-in-life-major-study
This is just one link that came up in the first few results of a Google search.

I think most mums feel pressured to breastfeed, which is not really how it should be. Every mum has the right to choose, and while I understand that medical professionals have to point out the benefits, I also think they should be as supportive as they can towards those mums who are unable to bf, or who don't want to for whatever reason.
You should not feel pressured into anything, if you feel ff is best for you and baby then stick with it, and don't feel you're any less of a good mum for doing so.
I knew from the start that I did not even want to try breastfeeding, and I told my midwife who wasn't very understanding but she said we could discuss it in more detail later in the pregnancy. I then moved house, a a had a different midwife. He was even worse than the first one. He had a student with him who was asking the questions, and I said I intended to ff from birth. The student midwife then wanted to put in my notes that I WOULD try bf, even though I clearly said NO. After spending what seemed like a lifetime, I got my own way.
Fortunately my midwife and student midwife in the birth centre were the nicest people I've ever met, and didn't try and make me do anything I didn't want to. So I happily got out my starter pack of formula and when my baby was born that is what I gave him. He was in NICU/ SCBU for 12 days, and the pressure I felt from the awful staff in there to breastfeed or express was intense. But I stuck to what I wanted and said that my son will be exclusively formula fed, and it was not up for discussion. They hated it but had no choice.
I didn't want to try, and I refused to be forced to.
Your baby, your choice. Good luck

Those are not directly correlated benefits, Kitty, by any stretch of anyone's imagination, even yours. But actually I would call 4 IQ points marginal.

I will say that there are cases and places where BF is much better but we dont live there I am assuming. I worked with remote communities in the tropics that didnt have access to good formula and mainly clean water and means to sanitise the bottles. Then YES, breast is best.
But in the places where I am assuming we live it is up to the mum to decide what they want and nobody else's business.
For those talking about toxins in the milk for older mums (which I will be) I would like to see some data for that. If you were losing weight very quickly yes, fat accumulates toxins that are released into your blood stream which is why you get headaches and need to drink loads whilst fast dieting.
You also release oestrogens from fat.
But we are exposed to toxins everyday.
So how would the level of toxins compare on a mum at 36 that lives in the countryside and feeds on organic food mostly veggies compared to a 26 yo that lives in the heart of London and feeds on sausage rolls?
I very much doubt that there is a study to consider all this variables, therefore I call BS
I want to BF.
BF good. Formula good.
Do what suits

I haven't RTF but YANBU - your body, your choice. BF didn't work for DD and I, and quite frankly I was incredibly uncomfortable wth the number of women I had squeezing my boobs in an attempt to get her to feed (on the back of a long labour and EMCS), it was a shit 48 hours until I finally asked for formula! Parenting is about so much more than breastmilk or formula. If you don't want to BF, don't!

And for the IQ comments IQ is related to intelligence but it does not mean what people think. Without emotional intelligence, social skills, reasoning and learning techniques, your IQ is like having naturally flexible ligaments, good balance and strong muscular frame and never bothering with gymnastics.

All these are statistics and you need to look at the raw data before implying that a child that FF womt be as smart. Nonsense.
We have all obviously done our research and decided what we want. I want to BF but I have made that decision for myself.
We should be more united in this front as we are already battling the people telling OP she should this or that or implying that you are a worse mum for FFing.

"No one has said 'trivial', they have said marginal. "

Which ones?

What if we're talking about common problems?

The governments last Infant Feeding Survey (2010) reports this:

"Mothers who breastfed exclusively for four months or more were considerably less likely to report that their baby had suffered from diarrhoea (25% compared with 45% of those who never breastfed), constipation (32% compared with 48% respectively) and sickness or vomiting (29% compared with 41% respectively). Babies who were exclusively breastfed for four months or more were also less likely to suffer from colic/painful wind (32% compared with 41% respectively) and thrush (10% compared with 18% respectively). "

So those are just common problems reported by mothers.

You think those differences are 'marginal'? I don't.

I don't think a possible doubling of the risk of SIDS with ff (as detailed on the Lullaby Trust website) is 'marginal'.

I don't think that differences in brain structure in ff and bf babies observable using MRI point to the differences being formula and breast milk being trivial.

I accept that people who hold a different opinion on this issue to me have a right to their opinion, and a right to express it. It would be nice if people who share my opinion could engage in a discussion like this one without being accused of being bullies or nutters.

evergreen17 I never said IQ is the be all and end all just that it is something that scientific studies show is improved by breastfeeding. I haven't time to look now but as you mention it I do believe it has been documented that eq is improved due to breastfeeding too.
I don't know why you would think that it's nonsense to say that the same child would have a lower IQ if ff rather than bf when the scientific data shows this to be true. Like all statistics there will be outliers but it is highly likely.

Starsorwater: while many mammals give their offspring a couple of high-protein feeds a day, humans (along with other primates) don't make milk with that nutrient composition. Human milk only really works for frequent feeding.

I think the long-term health benefits are marginal. I think short-term, you do what works. You may have a baby with a 9% lower chance of suffering thrush (still fairly marginal) but if the benefits to you and the baby outweigh this, no-one has a right to argue.

Mini

I share your opinion in general / at a population level. I'm a strong breastfeeding advocate.

But OP doesn't want to. They are her breasts.