Party

[LadyAEIOU]

ExW has just text DH stating that DSS has a bday party Monday and DSS wants DH to take him (ExW can take him and has simply explained DSS has asked for DH). I have to work that day and the drive is a one hour trip 5-6pm. Don't really want 6 month old in the car whilst it's cold and dark because DSS would rather be driven by dad. Is this unreasonable? Would be fine if I could be with DD but am back at work (KIT day whilst on maternity).

ExW hasn't been demanding btw it's more I am wondering if IBU by asking DH to say no as don't want DD in the car for an hour in the cold and dark for DSS to go to a party (mum has him weekdays so it isn't DH making arrangements and then not keeping to them - if already arranged I wouldn't be going back to work).

I'd leave it up to him.

He may wish to take his ds to the party. Presumably he can wrap up dd and she won't be too cold in the car?what are you worried about?

I assume your DHs car has heating? I don't see that as being a big issue taking a baby out in a car 5/6pm time.

What does your DH think of this request?

YABU

More that it's an hour minimum at a time DD get ready to sleep and she gets unsettled in the car.

Oh well, it's a one off she'll live.

DH is more along the same lines as me as the party is 5 min from where his ex lives and given she has no problems driving DSS herself.

Yabu - babies are portable. He's dss' dad too.

The baby won't have a clue and will be unaffected. The little boy wants his dad on this particular occasion.

Don't stand in the way. It's daft and could come over as petty (I'm not saying you are).

Think about it like this.....if your DSS was your son would you being complaining about the 6 months old in the car and trying to arrange a lift with someone else? I know it's not quite the same as mum could do it but on this occasion....for whatever reason....the little boy wants his father.

Not a big deal to you......might be a big deal to the little lad.

So he has already said he'd rather not take him?

I'm probably worried a lot because it's my first day back at work since maternity leave and it means it's another two hours before I could see her.

Could DSS be wanting some extra attention from dad since DDs arrival?

Whilst I think it's important for ds to be nurtured by both parents I think it is an odd thing to ask your dh to do if she lives so close to the party and you live so far. Would your dh have to hang around with the baby whilst the party is on?

Sorry but I think it's ridiculous! She lives five mins from the party? It's not dads contact day and it will benefit the child knowing there's routine s d stability.

The car will have heating, and I'm not sure what the problem is with it being dark? That's the good thing with small babies, that they are portable.

DH hasn't text back yet.

If it is a KIT day can you leave earlier and get back home before they leave?

DS2 is six months. I wouldn't be bothered about the temperature. I would be bothered that 5-6pm he is usually a miseryguts so may well scream a lot in the car, that if not screaming he'd sleep and that would muck up bedtime. I'd certainly be bothered about having an unsettled baby to come home to on my first day back at work.

If the party is 5 mins from his mum then your DH taking him seems bonkers.

If ds wants time with his dad he's not going to get it by being picked up and driven five mins away. It would be better for dh to take ds out for the day at the weekend just the two of them surely?

DSS loves his sister and spends so much time with her so the attention thing can't be it. Both myself and DH make lots of time for DSS so I doubt it will be an attention thing. Party is two hours so if DH is dropping DSS back home after he won't get home until 8:30pm

Maybe he wants time just he and dad....must be a reason he was asked for his dad. I'd leave this one to Dh. KIT days are normally an hours coffee and catch up where I work....very flexible when on Mat leave.

I think he should say no, it all seems a bit bonkers, and I completely understand that you will want to see your baby after work. Any other day and she could have stayed with you while he did the party run. And your dh won't really get to spend any time with his ds as it's a quick drive, party, then quick drive home.

A one hour drive, two hours at the party, one hour drive back.

Of course you are not being unreasonable when the mother lives 5 minutes from the party.

When DSS comes over me and DH have a routine where I take care of DD so DSS and dad have a few hours as a minimum to do their own thing (eg park, swimming, playing games). Not saying because he gets that he shouldn't ask for more just don't want people thinking DSS never gets time with his dad. I do understand the whole routine thing too and DSS is really good, he understands if DH can't be there due to work for example. I can find out more about my KIT day.

Ditto KIT days for us are just popping in for a couple of hours to catch up, attend a meeting etc, unless it's a training event so can't you just go in for a few hours and take over with DD so your DSS can see his dad?

I personally think you are being ridiculously precious about the car but if you insist she shouldn't be out that long I'd do the above.

Yanbu. If it was your dd when she's older wanting your dh to take her somewhere just because she wants him instead of you when you taking her is far more convenient, you would stick to you taking her.