to not tell DH I have the morning off?

[MopedManiac]

Have accrued some time-in-lieu at work so decided I could do with a morning to myself (finishing bits n pieces, catching up on iPlayer, have a bath, that kind of thing...).

Told colleague I wasn't going to let DH know (he and DC leave for work/school quater hour before I do so they will be none the wiser) - she was horrified that I would lie to DH (her words).

I just know that if he knows it will be a conversation about whether I'm being productive with my time (you could get x, y & z done) or load me up with new tasks.

AIBU? WWYD?

It's not a lie. I do it all the time, otherwise I get 'oh, if you're at home would you mind doing xyz for me? ' sod that, I watch crap tv, read a book or just potter. These are the moments that keep me sane. Enjoy!

I'd wait till 5 min before he leaves then tell him. He won't have time to give you tasks then

YANBU. You just forgot to mention it.

Yes, agree with gottachangethename1 Essential sanity preserver.

protect your time. if that means no-one knows, then no-one has to know.

I mostly work from home, but today I had an external meeting in the afternoon.

It was cancelled, but only about 10 minutes before I arrived. So i went christmas shopping, treated myself to lunch and a glass of wine, then sat in Starbucks and read a magazine.

I did not tell DH any of this. I wanted a blissful couple of hours where quite literally no-body knew what I was doing and what my business was.

Don't mention it OP.

Do as dude does.

very occasionally i treat myself and don't tell a soul. it's my little secret. my way of showing myself that i matter too. i spend all day doing things for everyone else, so why not?

I wouldn't get away with this.

We work in the same office

I wouldn't feel comfortable not mentioning it, but my dh might also drop into conversation some jobs I could get done. I would therefore say, quite assertively, accompanied by a deathstare, "Sorry, I've booked this as a morning off. I intend to sit around painting my nails and eating chocolate and re-charging my batteries. It is in everyone's interest that this is allowed to happen. Feel free to do the same thing another morning, but this is MY time. OK?"

It's not lying and it's not deceitful! Frankly if you have a DP who thinks you need to manage every hour of your day productively, then you will hold some things back. Cause and effect. If he wasn't evidently on the controlling side, she wouldn't have thought anything of telling him.

And she's just going to be listening to music, not boinking the postman on the kitchen counter, so I don't think we need to worry too much...

quim that's what I call a dressing gown!!

House coat = dressing gown. No?

backup your DH has a housecoat?! grin

I bet it was actually hers, like 'whats his name' in eastenders

I don't use the term house coat personally but know what it means

He would give you stuff to do? Are you shitting me?! My DH just wouldn't dream of it, he'd be like lucky you, have a nice morning and he'd creep out so as not to wake me up.

I would tell him. If he tried to question how I spent my time or give me extra tasks, I would say quite firmly "No dear, this is my time and I'll only be relaxing"
My DH used to write me a list of things to do before he left for work. He doesn't do that anymore. I'might not a bloody child 😀

Hm. I would hate to be lied to so casually in my relationship BUT equally, I wouldn't begrudge my DP that time off to relax, so it's tricky. Your DP shouldn't even think it's his place to ensure you are being 'productive'. Everyone needs downtime!

I would hate to be lied to so casually in my relationship

If your DP/DH had the morning off work and didn't mention it, you'd feel you'd been lied to?

Dude that sounds like bliss.

Why not op although I don't see why he should pile jobs on you the cheeky bugger.

Been thinking about this and I might revise what I posted earlier. If DH took a morning off work without telling me and proceeded to spend it watching telly I think I would be pissed off. We both work f/t and the weekends are crazy, so it would be fab if he did some of the housework or food shopping or the million diy jobs needing done around the house - it would mean that we could spend the weekend not doing these things and doing something nice instead.

Does your DH have downtime or is he a Workaholic ??

Was that for me or the OP?

You know what right, I get so little time to myself I have no qualms lying about taking time off 😂 in the past I've taken the afternoon off work and gone to the cinema or just to Costa for coffee or town for lunch. On my own. Doesn't happen often, but I know if my dh knows I have time off work he'll see it as an opportunity for him to bugger off for the afternoon! Bare in mind we have more or less 50/50 childcare, he works half the week and I work half the week but he is self employed so for all I know he could be doing the exact same thing on his days to work 😂

backup I refer you to thiss* thread

I see your logic, but you are definitely missing something

If u want the morning off take it off op!I know what u mean about yr dp giving u a list of tasks if u do tell him tho.
My dp could well be the same! He thinks if u have a pj day then youre lazy!! I'm off work with tummy bug at mo.our dd had it beginning of the wk.I got dressed yesterday but can't be bothered today so am still in my pjs.hes due home from work soon& I'm starting to question myself/ second guess myself& him about what he will say or looks he will give cuz I'm not dressed.
At the same time I'm thinking sod it!!

If your DP/DH had the morning off work and didn't mention it, you'd feel you'd been lied to?

Well, yes, I think I would. It's the kind of thing you would have to purposefully omit imo and that's the same difference isn't it? Maybe lied to is a little harsh, but it would be so weird to me. We aren't closed off about things and it would baffle me if he just didn't mention it. Like, he wouldn't have to make a point of it but it would be casually mentioned in general conversation you know?