to not tell DH I have the morning off?

[MopedManiac]

Have accrued some time-in-lieu at work so decided I could do with a morning to myself (finishing bits n pieces, catching up on iPlayer, have a bath, that kind of thing...).

Told colleague I wasn't going to let DH know (he and DC leave for work/school quater hour before I do so they will be none the wiser) - she was horrified that I would lie to DH (her words).

I just know that if he knows it will be a conversation about whether I'm being productive with my time (you could get x, y & z done) or load me up with new tasks.

AIBU? WWYD?

This is a perfectly acceptable thing to do. If asked I would say I'd been off but otherwise...no!

Does no-one else find it more fun if it feels like a secret?

DH would have no problem with me taking a day off, slobbing around, doing nothing etc but it feels like more of a treat if I just take the time off work, get dressed and leave the house as usual then go for a coffee, go window shopping, go to the museum etc...

It is not up to your DH what you do with your time. I'm guessing you have already worked extra in order to get this time off. Your time you do what you like and of course you should tell him that you have time off, why not? I presume you wouldn't mind if DH had some time off to himself. Everyone needs a little me time to recharge.

I find it a bit odd. Id just say I'd booked the time off as it is owed. If he said 'oh good you can do x,yand z' I'd just say that I already have plans for my morning.

I never tell DH if I am having a day off (for me) because he always says he will book one too and we can do something together which usually means spending loads of money and not doing what I want. I WFH anyway, so I just get up, he goes to work, and I do what I want, he comes home, my work clothes are my normal clothes, no one is any wiser, everyone is happy.

If my DP asked me if I was being productive with my time and/or gave me tasks to do, after I stopped laughing, I would tell him to piss right off.

Of course YANBU if he's going to do that. He needs to have a word with himself the cheeky swine.

I wouldn't lie to my DH but I wouldn't tolerate any nonsense about being given tasks just because I've got the morning off either.
However I never tell my mum or my sister when I'm off because they always think it's a green light for me to do something for them.

backup your DH has a housecoat?!

I have a work colleague who does this all the time for the same reasons. She said if her DH knew she had the day off he would expect her to use it doing chores around the house.

In your shoes I probably wouldn't say anything. In my shoes I wouldn't hide it but wouldn't expect to be loaded up with jobs either unless it was something I didn't mind doing like could I post something in the post office next to the place I was going to for breakfast etc., etc..

Do what you need to is my advice, from someone who came home to an empty house at lunchtime today because I have worked long days this week. I did absolutely nothing until school pickup because I was knackered and have a chest infection (well, I watched The Crown). I cooked gnocchi for dinner so precisely three minutes of effort there.

I would hate to have to justify my down time.

YANBU - have a lovely time.

Seriously! I would say "I have the morning off and I am doing x and y and can't wait, I so need a bit of me time"

I would get the Paddington bear stare out at any man who tried to give me tasks

Enjoy your free time OP, you deserve it ! 🍷💝💐😄

No! YANBU at all!
I do that sometimes. Mainly because whenever I take time off to myself (which is EXTREMELY rarely, twice a year maybe) and mention it to to OH he'll try and take some time off too "so that we can spend some time together". He'll take me for a nice meal or book a massage for us or whatever... but I don't want any of that. We rarely get time together without DS so I get where he's coming from but sometimes I just need time on my own.
It's not lying, I don't want to hurt his feelings or seem ungrateful but I sometimes need to be on my own.

I'd mention it to my DH, and he'd tell me to enjoy my down time! I never get downtime, but he does often. It's just how it's worked out with his shifts and our childcare arrangements. Some day's he's off he has a list of jobs to do, other times he has the whole day to himself.
It's not a deal breaker of a lie, but it is deceptive to imply you're going to work when you aren't.
Enjoy your morning off!

I'd do it. But never get the chance so feel deeply envious. Bet your dh wouldn't feel guilty / be happy to get given a list of jobs if the situation were reversed.

Well no, YANBU. But as others have said it's a bit odd/worrying that you're even having this dilemma - is your DH always so demanding? Has he got issues with people having time off? You shouldn't have to lie to him. But as you do have to lie, then do what it takes to get a chance to laze around.

YANBU. Enjoy your "me time".

It seems odd to me.

I couldn't imagine not telling my husband, but then again he would tell me to enjoy it, not give me jobs to do and if he did, I would tell him it wasn't happening.

I started this exact thread last week. Man I needed that time off.

I think that would be 'deceit by omission'?

YANBU loads of people do this.

Wait wait. Before we priceproceed I need to know what a housecoat is?

(OP is seems weird and sneaky to me- sorry )

YANBU i assume youd be fine with him doing the same thing? in which case id just go ahead. We are all entitled to alone time. Enjoy your morning!

See, for me, one of my main priorities would be having a massive lie in and then hanging round in my pyjamas until 11am. Isn't he going to wonder why you haven't got up and dressed for work, even though he leaves 15 mins before you?