To be finding parenting harder and harder as the years go on?

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This is mainly to see if I'm alone, also to see what I can do about it.

I absolutely adored having babies. I think it was because at this age they were portable, they went where I went, and meeting their needs was easy. Warmth, clean, held, loved. That was it.

To be totally honest I found ages 2-3 hideous but thought that was normal, it was the relentlessness of it that got me down. Endless screaming and "mummy, mummy, mummy!" I knew that was all normal though and thought we'd come through it.

The fact is though I don't enjoy being a parent. My children are now 11 and 9. I often struggle to have conversations with them, which goes against the popular adage of "they are easier when you can talk to them" - mine just either talk incessantly about subjects I've little to no interest in (although of course I feign it but I find it's a one way street) or (not very often) we are having a conversation but it's on two different levels.

I don't convey any of this to them and they are lovely, ordinary nice children. I love them; I'd give my life for them in an instant, yet I don't really massively enjoy being in their company either.

In some ways it's harder on your emotional state as they have more need of you for deep stuff and the pressure is on with school/friends, etc, but I still find it easier on the whole, and they are interesting company.
I found it tough when they were younger as it was more lonely (for me), DD was a difficult baby and DS was a tough toddler so one segued into the other. I had to get to baby groups & see friends for my sanity.

I will happily swap my baby and toddler for two toilet trained children that can hold a conversation and load the dishwasher. Try spending an hour literally just changing nappies, pulling off wet underwear and scraping poop off the floor. That was this afternoon in toilet training hell.

It doesn't get easier or harder; it just changes.

When they are little you can do things for them. Then you can tell them how to do things. Then you can't even do that and have to keep your opinions firmly to yourself

Just take lots of photos of the good times to remind yourself and look back on. There are always good times (between listening to conversations going on over your head about the latest dull blog on the internet, and wishing they would take themselves off to the hairdresser's).

Swings and roundabouts with a bit of looking through rose-tinted spectacles when you look back at the baby years. This week I had half an hour before I was due to go out. In that time I had to cook dinner, help DC2 with revision for a GCSE module and help finalise DC1's personal statement. Different stresses, but you'll miss them when they've left home.

Personally I hated the baby years and have found it just has got better pretty much ever since (I now have a 16 and 17 year old). A lot of that is my nature though, I really didn't enjoy them being so dependent on me as babies and found meeting their needs totally draining and unrewarding.

I can see that if you loved that phase everything after might be a bit flat, and that watching your children become more and more independent might be painful rather than enjoyable.

So what might help? I think that finding some common ground is probably the most important thing, something that both children and parents really enjoy doing together. With my two at that age it was reading. We read lots of fantasy and talked about the plots and characters. dh played loads of computer games with them, and we also watched lots of films and TV series. Sometimes we pushed things we liked on them, but we also got into things they liked too.

I also don't think that there is anything wrong with not being interested in some of their passions. Loving honesty has it's place!

As long as you have some fun times together and don't actively show them that you are bored with their company then you are utterly normal. Kids have some very dull conversations and find tedious shit riveting.

It might get better as teens but might not. You haven't got to love all of it.

I found the baby and toddler phase a breeze. I've only started to struggle more as they've turned into tweens.

I had no real boundaries and poor parenting when I was a teen so I have nothing to work from really. I do find it much harder than when they were little because I didn't really have any guidance from my parents

We are mulling along though. Parenting books are your friend

although of course I feign it but I find it's a one way street

Just a practical tip, don't fake interest.

Nonsense, Fame, of course you have to feign interest in your kids' hobbies. Who else are they going to twat on interminably to? When my brother was that age he was obsessed with different kinds of goalkeeping gloves. You wouldn't think you could talk for hours about goalkeeping gloves, would you? You'd be wrong.

It's a difference between faking interest and cultivating interest.

It's also important that they try to take an interest in your stuff too.

Or maybe I just have a very considerate child - but that's usually because they have a good role model.

Just because keeper gloves aren't my thing, doesn't mean I can't find interest in them and contribute more than, "uh huh, oh right" to a conversation.

I would allow anyone to talk at me for two hours.

Would not*

I agree with the pp who say that its good if you can all share a common interest. We liked playing board games together and we all cycle. The two youngest watch a film on Saturday night together. It breaks up their obsessions lol.

So far I'm the other way round!! Wasn't fond of the baby stage at all but find toddlers great fun! Think we all struggle from time to time so don't be too hard on yourself.

Or maybe I just have a very considerate child - but that's usually because they have a good role model.

Modest too!

Of course I'm not modest - what a useless way to be. I know my flaws that I work on and I know the things I'm good at. Stop wasting time with false modesty, (and faking interest in your kids.)

Work on the stuff that needs work and be proud of your success (and share it with others so they can have the same success if they chose).

Just be real.

As a little girl as I was totally uninterested in playing with baby dolls. I had Tiny Tears, her cot and bath...but they just gathered dust. I liked reading, drawing and playing with Sindy.

To this day I am spectacularly uninterested in other people's babies and little children. I have no need to cuddle newborns, ever.

Give me an older tween/teen who can load the dishwasher and gets sarcasm, every time.

And deliver sarcasm too. Love 'em.

I found the complete opposite to the OP: The tiny baby stage was awful, relentlessly hard, harrowing in fact. Things have become gradually easier and these days parenting is a breeze. I have a theory that everyone struggles the same amount but at different times and stages.

In all seriousness semi-smug "it just gets harder" stuff (not done in misery, but by people with neat hair, their job back, nights out etc) drove me to self harm when I was juggling a small baby, physical ill health and pnd. It inspired suicidal thoughts.
They were very clearly doing better than me ... even if it was all a front they were able to put up a front!!!!

Everyone is different. NEVER NEVER NEVER NEVER say it. Say "I find it harder/easier..." but never ever "it IS harder/easier..."

You could be hurting someone. Honestly you could. Awaits flaming from people who half read this and don't get it and go on the defensive.

For me personally it's easier now. Harder on paper - juggling work, active child with strong opinions etc. On a personal level easier because no cancer tests, less depression etc.
Other people differ.
It's all situational.

I loved mine being babies/toddlers/primary school age. They're now 12 and 17. Its the endless taxi service that gets me down. The constant socializing, I was never that sociable ! I worry non stop about their health/ relationships everything. Having said that I think we're doing ok, you can only do your best. Stay calm and theres always wine!

The baby stage was amazing, loved every second.
5-7 was great, lots of fun to had.
9-11, they adore you.
12, they start to lose interest in you.
13-15, they ignore you.
16-17, just a taxi please!
18, think they know it all and can do it without you! This is where our middle one is now, and oh dont we know it! Feel myself willing her to carry out that threat of hers about leaving home, but it would break my heart!!!! I know shes not ready, doesnt even have a part time job yet!!!!! People tell me its a girl thing and certainly our ds never put us through this!

Every age has its chalenges! Xx

Definitely harder and less fun! Mine are 17,15 and 11 and I miss them wanting or needing me.
Have just had a hideous row with DD 15 who wants the world to revolve around her. She can be hilarious and great company, but she can also be miserable, rude and lazy 😢 She was a gorgeous baby!

Glad I am not alone!
I loved baby and toddler years but my oldest are now 7 and 5, they constantly argue with each other and me and DP, never listen, I struggle to keep up/connect with them lately and constantly worry about them now they are getting more independent Most days I feel like a complete failure of a parent but guess we just have to keep going and trying

At the risk of having to eat my words in the future...

I just don't see how a teenage strop can be comparable to holding a tiny baby who is in the second hour of crying while you count the minutes till dh comes home, having been woken by the same shrill crying every hour for weeks on end with only a scabby exhausted nipple to stem the tide of misery...

Yeah, my oldest is 9 and my littlest is almost three, and I won't have my victory dance spoiled by the "it never gets easier crowd", I don't buy it.

Not that I don't think that it can be true that some people find the baby days easier, I just don't think that anyone can claim that this is universally true that it never gets easier or that the teenage years are universally harder.