To be finding parenting harder and harder as the years go on?

[user1478795570]

This is mainly to see if I'm alone, also to see what I can do about it.

I absolutely adored having babies. I think it was because at this age they were portable, they went where I went, and meeting their needs was easy. Warmth, clean, held, loved. That was it.

To be totally honest I found ages 2-3 hideous but thought that was normal, it was the relentlessness of it that got me down. Endless screaming and "mummy, mummy, mummy!" I knew that was all normal though and thought we'd come through it.

The fact is though I don't enjoy being a parent. My children are now 11 and 9. I often struggle to have conversations with them, which goes against the popular adage of "they are easier when you can talk to them" - mine just either talk incessantly about subjects I've little to no interest in (although of course I feign it but I find it's a one way street) or (not very often) we are having a conversation but it's on two different levels.

I don't convey any of this to them and they are lovely, ordinary nice children. I love them; I'd give my life for them in an instant, yet I don't really massively enjoy being in their company either.

[Airandmungbeans]

Mine are four and two. My four year old is starting to get easier, even if he does whine constantly, but my two year old gets harder every day. We've had a hell of a week this week, complete and utter hell. I love them to bits, but my word are some days hard. Of course some days are great, but it's all knackering.

It's odd, I work in early years and my favourite age group to work with are the two to three year olds, yet my own children drive me up the wall!

[Ghodavies]

Seriously?? It's like life in general - some rough patches, some really lol moments and mostly life passing us all by.
I miss my kids being younger (and yes there are times I haven't liked them much or they've driven me demented). I seem to spend most of my life ferrying them to and from activities but they are happy and that's what matters.
On the odd occasion I even enjoy their company!

[mamaduckbone]

YANBU but I think you need to try and change your outlook. It's really easy to be nostalgic about the baby days but in reality you were probably sleep deprived and desperate for 5 minutes to yourself.

Try to find things you have in common with your Dcs. Try to get enthusiastic about their world.
Ds1 is 10 and I love the fact that we share similar taste in books, can watch bake off together and obsess over Harry Potter. Yes, he also drives me crazy talking about stupid iPad games and football, but I just nod and smile.

[FannyFanakapan]

up thread someone said "rose tinted glasses" and I think that sums it up - Ive raised 3 of my own to teens, and now foster - so I have a little one in the house. I thought I loved the age....but jesus wept if I have to hear "No!" and "Faaaaaaaannnnnnnnnnyyyyyyyyy!" (not my real name) again...Most days I cannot wait for bedtime. Sleepless nights, night terrors, wet and dirty accidents, endless washing, spending an hour feeding them, having to watch the same programme over and over. There are some lovely moments, but they are inbetween the lonely drudgery of caring for a young child.

[FarAwayHills]

I think all stages have their pros and cons. I do miss the baby days especially the endless lovely cuddles. However, I now have a teen and tween and I am enjoying the fact that they are independent, less needy and can do so much more for themselves. I really do not miss them constantly shouting mumeeeee. They still bicker but get over it quickly. We have lots of conversations about tv, sports, food and current affairs and they are generally good company.

[corythatwas]

Ah, I'm wondering if my finding the teen age years easier could be something to do with the fact that I don't drive. Dc have just had to accept that you can have social activities if you can get to them. Low expectations makes for an easy life.

Other than that, I agree with pp that it's about give and take: you expect them to take an interest in some aspect of your life and you make an effort to take an interest in some aspect of their life.

[KondosSecretJunkRoom]

Not that I don't think that it can be true that some people find the baby days easier, I just don't think that anyone can claim that this is universally true that it never gets easier or that the teenage years are universally harder.

[KondosSecretJunkRoom]

At the risk of having to eat my words in the future...

I just don't see how a teenage strop can be comparable to holding a tiny baby who is in the second hour of crying while you count the minutes till dh comes home, having been woken by the same shrill crying every hour for weeks on end with only a scabby exhausted nipple to stem the tide of misery...

Yeah, my oldest is 9 and my littlest is almost three, and I won't have my victory dance spoiled by the "it never gets easier crowd", I don't buy it.

[Snoreborewhoreee]

Glad I am not alone!
I loved baby and toddler years but my oldest are now 7 and 5, they constantly argue with each other and me and DP, never listen, I struggle to keep up/connect with them lately and constantly worry about them now they are getting more independent Most days I feel like a complete failure of a parent but guess we just have to keep going and trying

[Susiesue61]

Definitely harder and less fun! Mine are 17,15 and 11 and I miss them wanting or needing me.
Have just had a hideous row with DD 15 who wants the world to revolve around her. She can be hilarious and great company, but she can also be miserable, rude and lazy 😢 She was a gorgeous baby!

[Givemestrengthorwine]

The baby stage was amazing, loved every second.
5-7 was great, lots of fun to had.
9-11, they adore you.
12, they start to lose interest in you.
13-15, they ignore you.
16-17, just a taxi please!
18, think they know it all and can do it without you! This is where our middle one is now, and oh dont we know it! Feel myself willing her to carry out that threat of hers about leaving home, but it would break my heart!!!! I know shes not ready, doesnt even have a part time job yet!!!!! People tell me its a girl thing and certainly our ds never put us through this!

Every age has its chalenges! Xx

[Cookiecat12]

I loved mine being babies/toddlers/primary school age. They're now 12 and 17. Its the endless taxi service that gets me down. The constant socializing, I was never that sociable ! I worry non stop about their health/ relationships everything. Having said that I think we're doing ok, you can only do your best. Stay calm and theres always wine!

[squizita]

In all seriousness semi-smug "it just gets harder" stuff (not done in misery, but by people with neat hair, their job back, nights out etc) drove me to self harm when I was juggling a small baby, physical ill health and pnd. It inspired suicidal thoughts.
They were very clearly doing better than me ... even if it was all a front they were able to put up a front!!!!

Everyone is different. NEVER NEVER NEVER NEVER say it. Say "I find it harder/easier..." but never ever "it IS harder/easier..."

You could be hurting someone. Honestly you could. Awaits flaming from people who half read this and don't get it and go on the defensive.

For me personally it's easier now. Harder on paper - juggling work, active child with strong opinions etc. On a personal level easier because no cancer tests, less depression etc.
Other people differ.
It's all situational.

[DerelictMyBalls]

I found the complete opposite to the OP: The tiny baby stage was awful, relentlessly hard, harrowing in fact. Things have become gradually easier and these days parenting is a breeze. I have a theory that everyone struggles the same amount but at different times and stages.

[motherinferior]

And deliver sarcasm too. Love 'em.

[MaQueen]

As a little girl as I was totally uninterested in playing with baby dolls. I had Tiny Tears, her cot and bath...but they just gathered dust. I liked reading, drawing and playing with Sindy.

To this day I am spectacularly uninterested in other people's babies and little children. I have no need to cuddle newborns, ever.

Give me an older tween/teen who can load the dishwasher and gets sarcasm, every time.

[FameNameGameLame]

Of course I'm not modest - what a useless way to be. I know my flaws that I work on and I know the things I'm good at. Stop wasting time with false modesty, (and faking interest in your kids.)

Work on the stuff that needs work and be proud of your success (and share it with others so they can have the same success if they chose).

Just be real.

[MrsLyons]

Or maybe I just have a very considerate child - but that's usually because they have a good role model.

Modest too!

[gemdrop84]

So far I'm the other way round!! Wasn't fond of the baby stage at all but find toddlers great fun! Think we all struggle from time to time so don't be too hard on yourself.

[Clankboing]

I agree with the pp who say that its good if you can all share a common interest. We liked playing board games together and we all cycle. The two youngest watch a film on Saturday night together. It breaks up their obsessions lol.

[FameNameGameLame]

Would not*

[FameNameGameLame]

Just because keeper gloves aren't my thing, doesn't mean I can't find interest in them and contribute more than, "uh huh, oh right" to a conversation.

I would allow anyone to talk at me for two hours.

[FameNameGameLame]

It's a difference between faking interest and cultivating interest.

It's also important that they try to take an interest in your stuff too.

Or maybe I just have a very considerate child - but that's usually because they have a good role model.

[StartledByHisFurryShorts]

although of course I feign it but I find it's a one way street

Just a practical tip, don't fake interest.

Nonsense, Fame, of course you have to feign interest in your kids' hobbies. Who else are they going to twat on interminably to? When my brother was that age he was obsessed with different kinds of goalkeeping gloves. You wouldn't think you could talk for hours about goalkeeping gloves, would you? You'd be wrong.

[INeedANameChange]

I found the baby and toddler phase a breeze. I've only started to struggle more as they've turned into tweens.

I had no real boundaries and poor parenting when I was a teen so I have nothing to work from really. I do find it much harder than when they were little because I didn't really have any guidance from my parents

We are mulling along though. Parenting books are your friend