To be finding parenting harder and harder as the years go on?

[user1478795570]

This is mainly to see if I'm alone, also to see what I can do about it.

I absolutely adored having babies. I think it was because at this age they were portable, they went where I went, and meeting their needs was easy. Warmth, clean, held, loved. That was it.

To be totally honest I found ages 2-3 hideous but thought that was normal, it was the relentlessness of it that got me down. Endless screaming and "mummy, mummy, mummy!" I knew that was all normal though and thought we'd come through it.

The fact is though I don't enjoy being a parent. My children are now 11 and 9. I often struggle to have conversations with them, which goes against the popular adage of "they are easier when you can talk to them" - mine just either talk incessantly about subjects I've little to no interest in (although of course I feign it but I find it's a one way street) or (not very often) we are having a conversation but it's on two different levels.

I don't convey any of this to them and they are lovely, ordinary nice children. I love them; I'd give my life for them in an instant, yet I don't really massively enjoy being in their company either.

I found that age difficult loved under5s and then teens but btween 8 and 11/12 it was so dull 5 years between mine and they used to bicker talk constantly about pokemon or Hannah fecking Montana . Whinge and moan and sulk it was just a struggle. You just have to listen to the wittering on and wait till it passes.mine are grown ups now and we manage to have conversations but they still witter on about stuff i have no interest in

Yea im the same!love my 8 yr old do but not enjoying it so much now she's older.was great when she as a baby&toddler before she started school.
Also not helped prob by the fact shes much more a daddy's girl always has been.she prefers to do things with him mUchida of the time the she dose with me which makes me sad sometimes.

I really have to agree - I find my 10 & 12 year old boys so dull at times. I have tried to care about minecraft but I just can't.
But I have got an older child & I know they get more interesting so I'm persevering with forcing the boys to talk about other topics - the US election, Nelson Mandela, Ötzi the iceman & vitamin K are some of the random things we've discussed over dinner this week!

My main problem with having older kids is that they are awake longer -I miss them going to bed at 7. Finding time for more than a quick cuddle with my DH is way more difficult now than it was when they were little

I am finding the teen stage much easier than the preteens. Ds has stopped kicking against authority because he is old enough to have real independence.

Dd was harder in a way (health problems) but easier in that we shared a lot of interests.

Ds and I don't actually have a lot in common, but I have made an effort to take an interest in at least something that interests him; even if it's only curling up on the sofa to watch a football match, it's good to do something together. I just picked the one thing I can share with him without my eyes totally glazing over, and tried to understand a bit more about that.

He is old enough for me to get a sense of the person he has become- and I really like that person.

My friend gave me a lift home the other month with her (that age) sons they were going on about minecraft and 1 was saying mum mum mum...... she actually looked like she was loosing the will to live

cory that is what I did picked 1 thing to share interest with them even if it made me want to stick pins in my eyes

I think the solution is easy - look above you on the thread, find someone who loves the age your children are, and do some swapping - everyone happy

So my children are still very young, DC1 is 4.5 and DC2 is 7 months. However, in my experience so far I've found that with DC1 the first year was quite nice, she was a happy little baby I didn't really have many difficulties. Then she turned 1. And I've found it awful ever since. Constant demanding, not listening etc. Even now she's started school. Just awful.
DC2 is only 7 months and he's my beautiful little happy boy. But he's just going to go the same way as his sister I'm sure!

So yeah, I enjoy being a parent to my baby, babies are great. But my 4.5 year old...I always hoped it would get better but can't see it happening.
YANBU

I have DC similar ages to yours, OP. I agree they can be rather boring at times!

I agree with other posters about finding common interest, but I also think that the key thing about this age is re discovering yourself if you lost it a bit during the baby / toddler years. In my case, I went back to work when my youngest was 5 (after several years as a SAHM), I've got back into reading after neglecting it for years, I'm finding more time for exercising, going on nights out with friends etc.

It's such a weird age, isn't it? Kids that she don't feel they can play with toys or he childlike anymore but they are a loooong way from being adult.

It'll get better OP. You don't need to find your children fascinating and delightful every second of the day. I'm sure you're a lovely parent. Even if you're blanking out a bit when they witter on Minecraft or What Jessica Said About Something At School Today.

You are sooooo not alone. Mine are the same ages as yours and boy is it tedious. They can be lovely people, but because I am their "safe person" I also get their less than desirable behaviour. It's bloody tough. No advice really, just this too shall pass...

No you're not alone. I find being a parent utterly exhausting these days. Mine are 11 and 9.

I will say that he joy talking to them (when the youngest isn't talking YouTube gibberish). I like their company. For instance dd will make me a cuppa and we'll watch Friends together which is nice as its new to her.

However day to day I'm bone shatteringly exhausted. When they were babies I felt like super-mum. We went out and met new people/groups. I organised parties. We did crafts, cooking, painting...all sorts. Plus I was self employed so I often stayed up most of the night working.
Now they're older I feel more tired. They need lots more emotional support which I find draining. I worry about schools/hanging out with the right crowd, their health, their future. I find I spent most of the time in the car taking them places, picking them up. They don't get excited by a simple walk in the woods. I feel like I've made their expectations really high.

However I am 10+ years older. I'm beginning to think that my tiredness was somehow 'in the bank' all those early years and now I'm paying back. I wake up exhausted.

*i enjoy talking to them

I haven't found that to be true for me. But, I had the advantage of giving birth to non-sleeping, constantly feeding babies who resented not popping out of the womb with the ability to walk and talk cried A LOT. As a result, each step away from the baby stage has been an utter joy.

I really enjoy my nearly 9 year old, but I count my blessings that she isn't into Minecraft or something equally tedious. Her particular obsession is singing, so at worst I'm required to listen to three identical versions of the same song and tell her which is best. It's not so bad - I don't actually have to listen as the correct answer is always the third one.

As Hubble said, I also reserve the right not to enjoy her at various points over the next few years. I'm slightly terrified of the teenage years.

It all depends on your own personality, doesn't it? Mine are 13 & 10 and I find them more interesting than before (although I LOVED the baby stage).
Of course, we haven't hit the real teenage years yet...

God, I found babies and toddlers adorable but very stressful and quite boring.

Mine are now 15 and 13. They're so much more interesting and fun.

No you're not alone, I am finding it very hard at the moment. However that is mostly because DD's SN has got worse. So we get all the tricky bits of being 8 with the sleep patterns and self-care of a toddler :( I hate to look back at old photos and videos tbh. I am not expecting it to get any better soon but am looking forward to the twenties. :)

although of course I feign it but I find it's a one way street

Just a practical tip, don't fake interest.

How are you going to create mutually satisfying relationship together if you aren't being authentic. By that age if you're faking interested they probably know you're faking it ... you need to lead the conversation the where you're interested, and you need to invest some energy in becoming interested in the things that are important to them. It's a two way street and you are important in the relationship too. Do you have passions and interests?

Much prefer my daughter now she's late teens. But if I'm honest I've not enjoyed being a mother. If I'd known then what I know now.........

Yes! This. My kids are 9 and 6, and it's getting harder not easier. I loved the baby stage, even with DS who was a non-sleeping, non-putdownable Velcro baby. But now with the wittering, the arguing and fighting each other, the answering back smart-arsery and with DD who's 9, the fucking tantrums like she used to have as a 2 year old, I'm very much knackered by them. I feel guilty that I want so badly to enjoy them, to enjoy their company, but it's sometimes so hard - I'm hoping it's an inbetween stage - that at some point I'll be able to have conversations with more substance and context: they're very sheltered, and with the 9 year old it makes it hard to make the transition into slightly older territory, but everything is a battle at the moment and it's exhausting.

I found 13, 14, 15 the worst ages then gradually improving until they turned back into nice human being at about 18/19 and by the mid 20s a real joy and the best bit was the grandchildren started arriving and I could have the joys of little ones around but got plenty of time off as well.

I think every stage comes with its challenges and rewards.

I guess what some people find easy others don't.

I found doing night feeds with a newborn so hard. I find older children easier and more interesting but there comes other problems.

I'm dreading the teenage years.

OP- don't despair! Conversations are about to get really interesting for you! About 13/14 yo they'll start thinking more concretely about their futures AND having serious crushes! They'll need your advice on both their interests in terms of academics/sports etc. And, if you are lucky, they'll talk to you about crushes and maybe even their first bf/gf! So keep them talking! Don't let them see that you are bored by their convo (I know, really boring stuff at that age!)

YANBU. A lot of the time parenthood is bloody fucking boring. We stopped at 1 as couldn't bring myself to do it again.