To expect DH to not need reminding every week of timings

[wintersdawn]

Every Wednesday during term time i go to an evening class. The time of this class never changes and therefore neither does the time that I need to leave for the class.

Yet every week I have to remind him not only that I'm out but what time he needs to be home. AIBU to think he should be able to remember this? Esp given that I have been doing this class for over a year now.

YANUB. My DH still asks what time the children need collecting from school he collects them maybe once a month. Eldest is Year 3, so the fourth year in a row... it's still the same time as it ever was, DH, 3.15pm, still the same time...

If I get a bit shirty with him for asking for the millionth time he does this big exaggerated petulant "you could just answer the question, it's taken longer for you to have a go at me and I still don't know what the time is!"

Argh.

DP asks me each night what time I'm getting up/leaving for work in the morning. It's been the same every work day for 3 years .

Why do some men do this, WHY.

Our DD has played in a local football team for 5 year, FIVE YEARS. The team have to meet 30 min before kick off for warm up/training and every single Sat night without fail, the conversation goes like this:

DH - so what time is kick off tom then?
Me - 10.00am
DH - so what time does she have to be there?
Me - that'll be 9 bloody 30 I think

He gets the hump "no need to talk to me like that" etc. But 5 years really!

YANBU.

I can sympathise.

I work overtime on Saturday. Every Saturday between 9 and 1. And every Saturday I come out of the office to several missed calls from DH. And when I call him back he usually demands to know why I didn't tell him I wouldn't be leaving at 12.

I've never finished at 12. I've never told him I'll finish at 12. I have no idea where he's got the idea from or why he can't get it into his head that it is, was, and always will be a 1pm finish.

I sympathise but I can also be that person

My dh does a pub quiz every week. It differs slightly if he's driving or getting a lift but I did realise last month that I was always double checking. . It's been 5 years!

I no longer check

DH still asks what time DS's rugby practice starts. This is his third season.

Can you ask him to put it in his phone diary with a reminder notice?

We have all our activities, all the children's activities and thinks like birthdays in our shared IPhone calendars and reminders pop up an appropriate time in advance.

Oh God yes, for bloody everything. Piano lessons, football matches, Cubs, Scouts, etc. And if he remembers, he remembers it incorrectly, but the same incorrectness each time. Oh and 4 o clock supermarket closing on a Sunday. I'm rushing about and each week without fail its 'Dont worry we'll just nip to Tesco tonight.' No there is no tonight in a Tesco on a Sunday! Then when he is reminded he thinks it closes at 4:30. Why? He has no memory whatsoever.

And he does put it on his phone but why on earth be cant simply remember it too God only knows.

Oh this drives me insane, it's the fact that he can't be arsed to remember but expects you to. It's disrespectful. DH doesn't do this as much since I explained it to him in this way.

I feel your pain!
Every week DH has to be reminded what is happening with the kids.

These have not changed for years!!!!

It takes up a lot of brain space to not only be the one who always remembers all this stuff, but who then has to remind the other.

Start replying 'am I your walking, talking diary?' and then get shared google calendars, add your stuff in, and refer him to that in future.

Mr Elbows is the same, regular brain farts about needing to pick the kids up from school at 2.30. The kids have never, ever finished school at 2.30. The eldest is 18 ffs so he's not exactly a school run novice! Does my pips.

Sweeping generalisation alert!

Men remember what's important to them.
Women remember what's important to others.

DH does this as well but it is in part because he wants to be sure he gets it right and doesn't piss me off by getting it wrong.
It's a lot better since we all share an online calendar but even the kids will ask rather than check the calendar - humpback!

It's just more emotional and thinking labour for women.

My DH is the same, even with start end time of school and had DCs in school for 8 years now.

My suggestion. Email him a list of who does what when. Then when he asks the question dire

Oops. Should read ..... direct him to your email.

Oh yes to this! Both DS play cricket (not hard to guess given my username!) But every single match DH will ask what time does it start (ok, times change depending on time of ueat) but then asks what time they have to be there - senior matches are always 1 hour before start, junior matches 30 mins before - this has always been the case so why ask?!

Write it on a piece of paper, stick it somewhere where it can be seen. Write times on it. If person asks refer them to the paper.
Or just stop answering, tell them they should know.

DH takes DS to Scouts every week. I never do (clashes with other commitment).

And yet I'm the only one that knows what time Scouts starts (no, DS doesn't know either).

Evening Meals.

Me : 8am - Decide on meal, plan what everyone doing, take food out of freezer, check we have veg, pop into shop if necessary, 5pm : COOK MEAL.

DH : 5pm - panic, what shall we eat?, what have we got that isn't frozen?, are there any oven chips, panic some more, kids are hungry, find wife to rescue situation.

I am the constant checker in our house, as my DH has a shift pattern so complex that you need a degree in logistics to work it out. He has the following different shifts in no particular order:
Long days
Long nights
Earlies
Lates
Night shifts
Paperwork days
Training days
Meeting days
And his shift pattern is on a 7 week cycle.
Also they have a recorded start time and an actual start time, AND his start/finish times depends on the person he is relieving depending on their commute. So if he's taking Bob off a night shift he gets a different train to work to if he's taking Sam off a night shift.
I therefore never really have any idea what he's doing and am normally asleep for either the start or end of his shift (4am alarms anyone?!)

DH tried this with me, years ago. I just said 'I don't know.' When he got annoyed I said 'I'll remember in future that it's ok to get annoyed about the other person not knowing these details. That should work out well for you.' He soon stopped.

Same here! I do a weekly thing, same day, same time EVERY FUCKING WEEK. And every week "what time are you leaving" gggggrrrrrrrrr!