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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to use James on a girl?

403 replies

AyGirl · 09/11/2016 16:06

Am overdue. Baby has not arrived. Do not know gender. Have finally after much indecision, decided a girl will be Iris James. Mentioned to DB who got very upset and kept on saying it's not a girls name. Mother has rang me this morning and said he was so upset because he wants to name a son of his James. Keep in mind he is not married or having a child. I do think they are TTC. But I want to use Iris James!!!!! She said that I shouldn't and should save it for him because it will be his first child and a son. So what, the two beautiful little girls I've delivered into our family are nothing. A boy will probably be Gage Theodore.

My older DDs are Hattie Juniper and Cleo Annika so we use quite different names.

OP posts:
MrsMerchant · 10/11/2016 20:05

Love it. It's beautiful.

MrsMook · 10/11/2016 20:05

Getting a significant negative audience on a forum is a pretty good sign of how the name will be percieved through the child's life. It does matter as a name is often a first impression of you for things like job applications. It shouldn't count against you, but the reality is that people will be confused by very unconventional names.

ninjapixy · 10/11/2016 20:06

When I first scanned the name, I didn't even understand what the thread was about. It didn't even flag as a weird name.

I think it's actually really nice. It goes well together. Go for it. Even if your brother (I assume, didn't read many comments) wants to use it.

BathshebaDarkstone · 10/11/2016 20:09

DD2 nearly got lumbered with Armidala as a middle name. Thank goodness I vetoed it! Grin

Phillipa12 · 10/11/2016 20:13

My sil who is 1 of 4 girls all have male middle names, dont see a problem with it personally and your brother can still use the name. Your brother is creating an arguement where there really isnt one quite frankly.

Cordychase · 10/11/2016 22:14

Iris won't thank you for saddling her with a boys name....

MissDuke · 10/11/2016 22:22

My mum and her 10 siblings all have the same middle name, girls and boys. No idea why Grin

BuffyFanGirl · 10/11/2016 22:51

Pretty sure Blake Livelys daughter is called James. I always thought of it as a boys name until then, and now i actually quite like it for a girl. You go for it! If your brother likes the name that much he'll use it regardless. It's a middle name so not like it's going to be used all the time. I can't remember the last time someone asked for my middle name.
In my family most of the women have the same name as a first or middle name. It would be nice if your brother named his first born James, it may become a family name for future generations.
If you want to use it then do it!

blueamberuk · 10/11/2016 23:01

You are not alone its quite the trend it seems from this USA article

"James has been big in the middle spot for girls for years. Sean Combs has a daughter called Jessie James, born back in 2006. More recently, Jessica Capshaw welcomed Poppy James, Jennifer Love Hewitt went with Autumn James, and James Marsden’s daughter wears one of my favorite combinations, Mary James. But James has also starred as a first name for baby girls. Canadian actor Brendan Fehr is the father of three girls: Ondine, Ellison Jane, and James Olivia. Helen Hunt played Jamie “James” Buchman on “Mad About You” back in the 1990s. And model Jaime King started out her career answering to James, too. According to the Social Security Administration, 28 girls were named James in 2013"

MidniteScribbler · 10/11/2016 23:30

of mums who are supposed to offer support and kindness to other mums.

Being a mum doesn't make you immune from criticism. The forum is called 'Am I Being Unreasonable', not 'Please validate me because I have reproduced'.

CalleighDoodle · 10/11/2016 23:47

There are so many nicer names than janes.

littlesallyracket · 11/11/2016 00:04

It's her middle name, so its sole purpose is to appear on her birth certificate and official forms. Nobody's going to call her anything other than Iris, so it really doesn't matter either way.

My brother's daughter's middle name is actually the name I would choose for a girl if I was going to have one, but it would never occur me to be bothered about that.

I don't think my brother actually told us what his children were going to be called until they'd born and it was all decided ... it's not something I ever thought you had to put out for consultation to be honest!

GiddyOnZackHunt · 11/11/2016 00:43

I'm very confused by posters insisting the girl will be called 'Irish James' at school.
Is Irish a terrible thing to be called?
Wouldn't that happen with Iris or possibly just Iris ?
So Iris Edwards, Iris Williams and so on.
Or if the middle name was .

NeverNic · 11/11/2016 01:14

People do know that their children can change their name when they're older, right? I know of three children who were given a name at birth, but were changed later on. 2 - before they were one and the third who picked a brand new name for himself in junior school, which was legally changed to by his parents. I also know of several adults who have changed their name by deed poll, dropping bits they don't like, changing spellings, legally abbreviating their name etc. No one is stuck for 80 years with a name they hate. I find it all a bit dramatic. I also can't see why there would be any confusion to her gender with a masculine middle name. In a situation where a middle name is used, there's likely to be a title that gives you a clue. My father, who has a woman's middle name, is never mistaken for a woman. My husband who has a gender neutral name doesn't have any problems either. As for being concerned that the baby might be too feminine for James, there's every chance she might be too tomboyish for Iris!!

blackheartsgirl · 11/11/2016 01:50

Iris James is lovely. my nan was called Dora Iris but everyone knew her as Iris. James as a girls first name hmm not sure but put together with iris just sounds right.

Gage never liked it, not after pet semetary.

puddingbunny · 11/11/2016 01:50

Go for it, it's only a middle name and people will probably assume that it's your maiden name anyway.

So much the better if your brother doesn't use James as a result. People are far too timid when naming boys. Like on Towie where all the Jameses had to be rebranded with nicknames. You won't have that problem with Gage.

OlennasWimple · 11/11/2016 02:20

isn't part of the joy of middle names to give your DC names that you really like, they might not like, but don't have to use everyday?

AwaywiththePixies27 · 11/11/2016 03:22

It's your child OP, no one else's. A lady at uni gave her son a surname as a first name.
DS has a double barreled first name - the latter part is from a dear late family members surname who died far too young and it was important to me that in a way, I'm carrying that name on. Nobody even uses his first part of his name now anyway let alone the latter - he got stuck with a nickname that's like a third I'd his name actually is Grin

Not being allowed to use a name because your DB would like it if he wanted DCs in the future is a bit Confused . In our family, both my aunt and her cousin wanted the same name for their sons. (they were born close together). This isn't their real names obviously but cousin's baby was born first and called Thomas James and aunt's baby was called James Thomas.

Bimbop5 · 11/11/2016 04:44

I like the names you picked. They are beautiful:) I like names that are a bit different, for instance, I love the name Ryan for a girl, and Shannon, for a boy.

Lifeonthefarm · 11/11/2016 07:52

Good enough for Blake Lively !!

It's your kid call it what you want

All these people insinuating you are a terror for using a "boys" name need to get a grip and some perspective.
Middle name for a start, commonly used as a first name in the US...

And as for staying the child will have to live with a boys name, or an ill thought out choice fuck me get a grip. This kid will be growing up In a trump era, with ww3 in Syria probably etc - I should think having a slightly masculine middle name will be the least of their issues.

However do have to say Gage is up there with Apple and other sorts of names which I really do not like but it's not my child so wtf does it matter to me!

catinbooots · 11/11/2016 08:03

Oh and please please not Gage.

Pet Cemetery (shudder)

to use James on a girl?
KungfuPandaWorksOut · 11/11/2016 08:13

I don't get why people are using Ryan & Blake as more of a reason to use the name James - just because they're celebrities. Gwyneth and Chris Martin named their DD Apple, haven't seen people flocking too name their offspring after fruits.
If you like the name, use it. Your child nobody else's!

SatsukiKusakabe · 11/11/2016 10:48

The Irish James, for me, was just because of the way the s ran into the J when I said it, so not the same for Iris Edward Confused

I personally didn't think it would be an issue at school, or anti-Irish sentiment; just that the name didn't 'scan' that well to my ear.

MissVictoria · 11/11/2016 10:56

You have as much right to use the name (and i think it's actually lovely for a girl, just like how Kyle can be a girls name in US) as your brother does.
You have more right to it in fact, because you're actually pregnant and about to have a baby. Why does his desire to use the name means he gets to "reserve" it, when he doesn't even know for sure he'll ever have a son?
If i were to get pregnant, i know what names i'd want (assuming DP agreed) and i don't care if one of his or my relations got jealous and desperately wanted that name themselves for a future baby, i'm calling my baby what I want.
Who says cousins cannot have the same name? Most people end up having nicknames or using abbreviations anyway.

GiddyOnZackHunt · 11/11/2016 11:06

Sat I can see that now you say it but presumably there are lots of little girls called Iris + surname beginning with J.