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AIBU?

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Original poster

To think I've done bugger all wrong here

27 replies

Truckingalong · 09/11/2016 09:00

2 people. I'm friends with both. They know each other exists but were not friends and had never met. 1 friend has a vacancy working for her. Asks me if friend 2 would like other job. I say I don't know but will ask. Friend 2 delighted, says yes, goes for semi-informal interview, gets the job. Several weeks later, it's all gone tits up. Friend 2 is not doing a good job and they've parted company. Friend 1, whilst not actually blaming me outright, has sent me numerous texts outlining every last failing of friend 2. She's also now said she's found someone else who's great and was recommended by another friend who's really meticulous with high standards (sub-text is I'm not!!!!). Friend 2 is now not speaking to me AT ALL. How has it come to this? How the eff did I end up the bad guy here. I've never worked with friend 2, I didn't recommended her and had no idea she would be crap at the job. Are all my friends being unreasonable or is it me ffs?

OP posts:
LetsAllEatCakes · 09/11/2016 09:28

Friend 2 may be very embarrassed, have you spoken to her? As for friend 1 she sounds very defensive. It's fair enough to be honest but this goes deeper than that.

I would point out to friend 1 that you didn't and couldn't recommended friend 2. That she was the one who actively asked for her and it's a shame it didn't work out. You are glad things are now. Then ignore anything else related to moaning about friend 2.

I would be interested, given the defensiveness of friend 1, to know if friend 2 was really shit or if friend 1 is the boss from hell. Could be either, or, or both?

Lovewineandchocs · 09/11/2016 09:39

Listen, all you did was to let Friend 2 know there was a job going with Friend 1. Friend 1 hired Friend 2 on the basis of the semi informal interview and now things haven't worked out. You are not to blame at all. I agree with pp, just tell Friend 1 that she hired Friend 2 on the basis of her being interested in and presumably qualified for the job and coming in for interview. This was not on your recommendation, shame it didn't work out but there you go, she's got someone else in post now. Tell her you don't want to hear anything more about Friend 2 shortcomings wrt the job. As for Friend 2 I'd give her a while to calm down but if she tries to blame you, tell her to wise up.

user1470997562 · 09/11/2016 09:43

I would be interested, given the defensiveness of friend 1, to know if friend 2 was really shit or if friend 1 is the boss from hell.

This. But no you did nothing wrong.

My take on this is that Friend 2 is angry you set her up with an arse of a boss. Friend 1 has proved herself to be an arse, by telling you all about 2's mistakes, blaming you and letting 2 go with such animosity. Very unprofessional and unnecessary.

honeyroar · 09/11/2016 10:02

I'd be messaging friend 1 back asking why, in their professional opinion, does she think it's your fault?? Tell them you're sorry it hasn't worked out, but that it's nothing to do with you and to stop sending these messages, which are thoughtless. Tell them to stop playing piggy in the middle with you. Then I'd message friend 2 and you hope that they're OK and you're sorry it didn't work out. Then refuse to get involved in anything else.

Original poster
Truckingalong · 09/11/2016 10:10

I'll definitely never get involved in anything similar again.

Friend 1 is nice, accommodating, fair I'd say but wouldn't suffer fools lightly. I think friend 2 has been a bit flakey tbh. She's lovely and they both liked each other but I think she was late and unreliable and ultimately let friend 1 down in a big way. Friend 2 hasn't even been in touch. She's just cut me dead.

OP posts:
Original poster
Truckingalong · 09/11/2016 10:12

I'm not messaging friend 1. It won't end well. I'm with her later this week, so I'll discuss it face to face with her.

OP posts:
ZoeTurtle · 09/11/2016 10:13

Classic case of shooting the messenger. Sad

You don't deserve this. Think all you can do is let it blow over and hopefully one or both will apologise.

SapphireStrange · 09/11/2016 10:31

Friend 1 hired the wrong person. End of. I'd text her back and say 'I'm not interested in keeping having these exchanges. I didn't hire her.'

MovingOnUpMovingOnOut · 09/11/2016 10:36

How massively unprofessional of friend 1. I would have told her to get lost after the first message. That was your friend she was slagging off, a friend who as an employee has reasonable expectations of professional behaviour.

I'd check friend 2 is ok. She's probably feeling terrible and may be very embarrassed or ashamed at how it has worked out.

Friend 1 sounds awful. I'd probably tell her and use the phrase "I did you a favour. I am not a recruitment consultant and if you expect that kind of service you need to go elsewhere".

BalloonSlayer · 09/11/2016 10:42

Yeah remind Friend 1 that slagging off an ex employee to a third party is pretty unprofessional.

pictish · 09/11/2016 10:44

I imagine friend 2 is mortifed. Get in touch with her.

Tell friend 1, "Enough. Not fair. You asked me to ask her so I asked her. That's all the involvement I had. Don't take your bad decision out on me!"

Italiangreyhound · 09/11/2016 10:53

Truckingalong I'd politely explain you are very angry and disappointed that they have dragged you into this and you do not want to hear any more about it full stop.

In general I don't tell friends about vacancies in my work place, I did once but then I thought it may reflect badly on me either way! (I know this is not your situation, just saying).

dustarr73 · 09/11/2016 10:59

You didnt offer the services of friend 2.Friend 1 asked you,so its down to them.They didnt have to hire friend 2.

blitheringbuzzards1234 · 09/11/2016 11:01

This is horrible and it shows that no good turn goes unpunished. My dear late husband was nagged and nagged by his brother as he wanted a job (well paid but awful conditions) in the same place. DH said it wouldn't suit him, he wouldn't be happy there etc, but in the end he put a good word in for him, if only to shut him up.

Lazy entitled bugger got the job, hated it, didn't fit in etc, etc (DH got the blame) so he (BIL) left and found a cushy number in an office. BIL could have returned the favour, did he heck as like?

Hopefully things will calm down. You only mentioned your friend, you didn't actually make the mistake of hiring her. Hope it will be healed in time.

user1471950254 · 09/11/2016 11:02

I would explain to both you value their friendship and do not want involved

BaDumShh · 09/11/2016 11:07

I would firmly remind your friend that you are NOT a headhunter or recruitment consultant, and that she was the one who approached you and requested that you speak to your other friend regarding the job. You also did not make the decision to hire her – the onus for this is completely on her.

Honestly OP, she sounds like an absolute nightmare.

DixieWishbone · 09/11/2016 11:13

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Hellochicken · 09/11/2016 11:16

Maybe friend 1 thinks friend 2 is now telling you that it was unfair. Or assumes you think friend 1 is a bad boss, so is being defensive.
Friend 2 must be gutted/embarrassed though, it would be shit to be excited about new oportunity and then not to be able to do a good job.

ChuckGravestones · 09/11/2016 11:34

She's also now said she's found someone else who's great and was recommended by another friend who's really meticulous with high standards (sub-text is I'm not!!!!).

'That's good to hear but not sure why you are telling me this - I had nothing to do with it all I did was pass a message on. Why would I have meticulously high standards - it just involved me sending one text/email? It is down to you to recruit effectively not me to recruit for you.'

Original poster
Truckingalong · 09/11/2016 11:44

If I sent a message like that, it would cause one hell of a bun fight!

OP posts:
SapphireStrange · 09/11/2016 11:47

So what, OP? Your 'friend' sounds pretty unpleasant and, as others have said, unprofessional too.

You don't have to join in a fight.

ChuckGravestones · 09/11/2016 11:48

If I sent a message like that, it would cause one hell of a bun fight!

Why so? It seems you are being scapegoated for her ineffectual recruitment practices. Stand up for yourself!

BaDumShh · 09/11/2016 11:48

If I sent a message like that, it would cause one hell of a bun fight!

If you sent something factual, reasonable and valid, she would kick off at you?

I’m not surprised your other friend didn’t have any success working for her. This woman sounds like an awful harridan and a bit of an entitled brat.

LetsAllEatCakes · 09/11/2016 11:58

Sounds like you bow down to friend 1 quite a bit op if you are worried about calling things how they are. Why would you not be honest with her?

Flaky as friend 2 may be, friend 1 doesn't sound too pleasant. Maybe that's why friend 2 is ignoring? Because she expects everyone to defer to friend 1 and join in her moaning.

biggles50 · 09/11/2016 13:19

Jeez you're not a recruitment agency you're a mutual friend. How awful for you. Nip it firmly in the bud now. A text to unprofessional employer friend and one to fired employee. Along the lines of sorry it didn't work out but you're the mutual friend not an agent and certainly not their whipping boy.