BEST FRIEND TRIED IT WITH BOYFRIEND

[lithium3]

So after giving birth to DS 4 months ago I was out this weekend for the first time. I invited my best friend as she was having a rough time with her DP (she has two little boys with him) to come along with me and my DP to later meet up with a few of my other friends.

After a few beers it was clear that she was quite drunk and we headed to the club. I went to the toilet and came down to DP telling me that she had tried to kiss him. I put it down to just been drunk and falling around and DP misreading the situation (surely my best friend wouldn't do that). However, DP came over again and told me to get her away from him as she kept trying to kiss him.. So I moved her then she did the same to all my male friends including one who had a girlfriend which she met earlier that evening. I felt so embarrassed by her, all of them felt so awkward.

In the end she ended up finding a man that actually kissed her back and she stayed with him the remainder of the night until it was 3am and me and DP wanted to go home yet she refused to come with us so we left her with this man.

We have spoke since but she hasn't mentioned anything about it, she apologised to me and DP for 'being a dick' over text.

DP absolutely adored this girl before all this and loved her two little boys but now he feels so awkward and keeps telling me to speak to her about it as it was so unacceptable for her to do that. I agree with him but I really don't know how to address the situation, in my mind I'm just putting it down to her being so drunk she didn't know what she was doing but then another part of me thinks that she did know.

I don't know what to do, she is my best friend that I turn to for everything. How should I address it? Am I being too laid back? Just need an outsiders opinion..

What about the friends op.Did she stay out all night with this random man.Did she say she was with the op.

Just because you are having trouble at home it doesnt give you carte blance to go out and snog your friends bf.Its just not on

This woman who is being predatory still gets the benefit of the doubt.Thats not on.The men are rightfully entitled to their feelings.In the op case i would be sticking wiht my bf and the friend can go and jump.

I don't think anyone is "blaming" the man, or suggesting that the OP should in some way side with her friend against her partner.

Just that a little bit of compassion some times doesn't go astray when dealing with FRIENDS who are obviously going through a hard time.

Just that a little bit of compassion some times doesn't go astray when dealing with FRIENDS who are obviously going through a hard time.

So what about compassion for the victim? Does the DP not deserve any? This womens action have upset him and made him feel differently about somebody he knew and liked. That is not his fault.

My compassion is with him, I would offer support to the friend but I would make it clear that this behaviour will not be tolerated.

Just that a little bit of compassion some times doesn't go astray when dealing with FRIENDS who are obviously going through a hard time.

Where was the op friend compassion the bf asked her a number of times to stop.She still went ahead.Things work both ways.And dont blame alcohol.It was her not the drink.

So what about compassion for the victim? The victim? Poor lamb.

Are we talking about a grown woman here or an infant? Firstly people adamant the poor little woman is in no way responsible for her behaviour and now people can't believe the op left her friend. Have you ever tried to get a friend to go home who is adamant they don't want to? What should the op have done - carried her kicking and screaming? I feel sorry for people on here who would accept a friend making a move on their partner. That's not how friends should treat each other.

I think you probably need to reach out to your friend about the night as a whole and see if you can support her in any way, while also making it clear that her behaviour wasn't great and has made your dp feel uncomfortable.

I don't think it has to be one or the other - you can support her while also telling her about her behaviour. I assume she remembers anyway and that's why she text.

I don't think it's ok to say "she was drunk it's ok" because what if he had been really drunk and kissed her back? Then you would dealing with a completely different situation where your partner had cheated with your bf!

I don't think it's ok to say "she was drunk it's ok" because what if he had been really drunk and kissed her back? Then you would dealing with a completely different situation where your partner had cheated with your bf!

That's a good point. I'm guessing in that scenario the man would still be to blame

Personally in that scenario i would probably be taking the piss out of dh for being so drunk he kissed someone in front of everyone. It's hardly a machiavellian attempt to have a secret rendezvous.

The victim? Poor lamb.

Yes derxa he is a victim of unwanted sexual attention. Why you would make such a sarcastic comment is beyond me.

I assume it is because he is a man

Well I don't have an open relationship so wouldn't find my dh and the father of my children snogging my bf to be particularly lolz tbh. What if the dp had kissed her back (as clearly being drunk means you can't control yourself). Presumably the op should then be fussing around both of them to see why they are so sad they have been forced to behave that way Coming on to a friends partner is crossing a line. Being a good friend doesn't mean putting up with absolutely anything your friend does.

Interesting thread and yes do think if a man had done this the responses would have been different.

AF you are always of the LTB persuasion if a woman posts so although I see your points I do think you have been blinkered here.

The woman behaved stupidity and unacceptably. However I too would be checking on her while expecting her to apologise to those she touched or offended and give her a chance to mend fences.

Just the one change though.

I'm another one who agrees with Stormwhale, it seems that the man's feelings have been ignored by the majority of posters because he's a man whereas the woman who got so hammered she kissed her best friend's partner is seen as needing support. Okay yes she probably does need support but you can do that whilst acknowledging that the OP's partner has done nothing wrong and he should be listened to.

This man is told to "get a grip" "get over it" and called out because he now sees the friend differently. While the friend should be comforted and supported.....really?
Yup. I don't think I've actually sat and read a thread before where my jaw has literally dropped until now.
(Pesky real life got in the way and I had a school run to do so could only fire off a quick OMG double standards and listen to yourself response. )
The victim blaming is appalling.
I think your boyfriend should get over himself
This woman is clearly struggling with something, she didn't target him personally and he is having such a tantrum about it?
And if my H snivelled about it like this guy he would get told to get a grip
I agree. Your partner is being a bit of a fanny.

Fucking disgusting attitude. A woman gets sexually harrassed, would rightly be upset.
A man gets sexually harassed, the default attitude expected is to secretly enjoy it.
If he doesn't, and keeps on telling her to get off, he's a fanny and should get a grip.
I'm female.
I'm fairly tall. I have a male friend who's a lot shorter than me.Slightly built. I could easily "push him off" as quoted by one poster on here (can't find post right now) so power balance is a shit argument.
Would that make it OK for him to repeatedly harass me if I'm tall, strong, and "built like a brick shit house" as put by another on the thread and he's fairly short and slightly built?
NO. It wouldn't.

Ha! certainly not. i'd leave him if he watched porn or went to strip club etc. it's more that i understand the nature of being very very drunk and doing something so horribly embarrassing and out of character. He'd feel like such a monumental twat too. Obviously if it happened more than once there'd be serious repercussions. But as a complete inebriated one off i'd have to feel sorry for him. Depends on the dh tho. Mine is really not that kind of person.

Maybe I just react to drink differently to everybody else in the world, but I have never understood how being drunk is an excuse for acting like a dick - be it trying to snog your mate's partner, getting violent and abusive, or anything else you wouldn't normally dream of doing.

I am not violent and I would never make a move on somebody else's partner. Being drunk has never made those actions a possibility for me.

I have been drunk to the point of vomiting and eventually passing out, but up until that point I have still had the same personality and values (maybe with just a louder and more confident version of me).

So basically, I believe that drink only brings out something in your personality that is there already. Therefore I would be distancing myself from your 'friend' as some part of her thinks it's ok to snog her best friend's partner

I'm often guilty of 'reversing sexes' because when something sounds unfair then I generally think it's unfair to everybody.

For this though, I absolutely agree with AnyFucker's points, all of them. This is supposedly OP's best friend and best friend was kissing all and sundry men that she didn't know, including OP's boyfriend. Women generally DON'T do this on a night out and certainly not with a friend's partner. It just doesn't happen like that under normal circumstances.

OP... if you are this woman's friend then talk to her, on your own, and find out what's going on in her life.

Your boyfriend does sound a bit feeble btw, he should either speak to her himself - or shrug it off. Presumably he told her to stop on the night itself? If he does penalise your friend's children for this mistake then that's on him and he would be drama-loving and spineless.

You wouldn't mind your best friend repeatedly trying to kiss your DH whilst you're in the loo Derxa? My DH would have tried to calm her down and not gone off on some flouncy rage. He's a very balanced man. I wouldn't have been jumping for joy but I would have recognised someone who is in a bit of a crisis.

I don't think the dp is the only victim here either. The op must feel massively betrayed that her bf has behaved in this way. I wouldn't be bothered if a random came on to my dh but I expect more loyalty from friends.