To ask for your best 'parent lies' (lighthearted).

[ThatGingerOne]

We all know the ice cream man only rings his tune when there's none left

My mother refused to differentiate between vegetables when we were small, in case we develop fussiness by refusing to eat particular types.
It came back to bite her on the backside though, when during Harvest Festival at Church, the vicar held up a cauliflower and asked us Sunday School kids what it was. Apparently, I stuck my hand up and said it was a carrot. She was so embarrassed.

I would tell my toddler (octopus hands) twins to not touch anything in shops as it was all electrocuted and they would be 'volted' worse than any Scooby Doo they had ever seen.

Also told them I was a Ninja. Which they told their reception teacher

My mum used to tell me when I was naughty that if I didn't do what she said she would unscrew my belly button and my bum would fall off. I once spent about an hour sitting on a bean bag still as possible until she realised she had forgotten to screw my belly button back in.

I also had the same hamster for about 10years, think I was around 15 when she finally admitted there had actually been 3 or 4 hammys! Clearly I was abit dim

That extra care must be taken when eating polo mints- in case they choke on the holes

That it's such a shame that they turn the waves off at the seaside at night time because no one is awake to play in them

I am a bad mother

It's the law you can't spent tooth fairy money on sweets.
Not me but my cousin has told her children magnum lollies have wine in so they are on lyndsay for adults.

Ds2 didn't like turnip or parsnip that's why I only cooked "red and white potatoes" in any stew I made. He discovered my lie aged 25

I used to threaten to call childline if I didn't get my own way over trivial things. My mum told me that if you called childline you would be taken to live with Esther Rantzen...

That the bin men are actually the naughty children's bus

A fib my dad told me when I was about 6/7 saved the day when I woke up on Christmas Eve night to find that my santa sack wasn't on my bed any longer - my mum was in the room next door filling it with pressies - so I started howling and crying thinking somebody had stolen it. My Dad quickly stepped in and said that Santa was on the roof with it and was filling it up, and if I listened hard enough I would be able to hear the reindeer's hooves on the tiles (which I was immediately convinced I could). Then he said if I didn't go back to sleep Santa wouldn't be able to bring my presents back down, so I instantly settle down and went to sleep. My dad saved the magic of Christmas! I still believed in Santa when I was 11. (I secretly do still believe in him :-) :-) :-) )

When mine were both small...ie under 6, I used to tell them that there was an invisible laser alarm going across the kitchen door and that if they crossed if whilst I was cooking, it would set off an alarm so loud, it would be agony. They believed me for ages!

I am legit in love with this thread. Taking many mental notes for future dc, whilst also pausing to think damnit it that sneaky cow! My mum definitely employed many of these!

Toys r us non selling days, park closed for cleaning, tooth fairy only takes healthy and looked after teeth, everything was chicken!

That the campervans we'd see at the tolls in France had glitzy marble staircases and indoor pools. I think DS was about 10 when he realised we were being imaginative!

Paw Patrol doesn't work on mummy's TV

Yes DS, that is a large cube of swede carrot.

My MIL is a childminder and tells her mindees that CBeebies doesn't work on her television.

On holiday this year my sons wanted me to play beach volleyball with them.

I wanted to lie in the sun and read my book.

I told them that it was the law that everyone who played beach volleyball had to wear a bikini and that if they really wanted to play then I would go to the shop and buy one for each of them.

They decided they didn't want to play after all

Love your style lessthan.

Not my parents, but my brother told me that my parents had a mortgage (I knew this) and they paid it off room by room. They had paid off his room, but the bank still owned my room. It's not a very purposeful lie, but quite plausible.

Yoghurt is children's ice cream.

You lot are are evil geniuses

I told DS that every time I had to tell him off, I got another grey hair. Didn't realise he'd taken me so seriously until several years later (teenage) when he was explaining earnestly to DSS who was a little sod why he should behave as I already had so many. It was a valiant but futile attempt to slow their takeover of my head.

I told my child, I have rung the place we are going on holiday next year to check if there are any crabs on the beach. Apparently my child doesn't want to go on a crabby beach.

Once when DD was going upstairs she was distracted by something. Desperate for the loo, I dashed up before her. She was so amazed to see me coming out of the bathroom, I told her some grown ups can teleport, the ability develops during puberty when you get boobs and hair and it only works when no one's watching.
Forgot I 'd wound her up till months later when they had a class on puberty at school...

My lo has recently started to get upset when I left for work she's nearly three so I've told her I work for Santa and if I don't go to work the toys won't be ready in time she now is very proud and tells everyone mummy works for Santa! I work for insurance....!!!!

I feel awful about this but in an exasperated during potty training I told my son the police come and put people in prison for pooing their pants.
It became a family joke and (he's secondary school age now) when we hear the siren he still says "oops someone must have pooed their pants!". Hopefully not scarred for life!

Mcdonald's is closed for lunch.

DD only realised it wasn't true when she was about 8. She's still so gullible even though she's pushing 30.

We went to Alnwick Castle over the summer. They have a "Knight's quest" which is basically a slightly scary walkthrough exhibition with bendy mirrors and scary noises etc. My DSs are 4 and 6 but were pretty brave til they got to the end and there was a huge horned demon thing that they had to dash past.
A bit later at lunch time they were asking about it and for some reason I told them it was what happened when goats eat pineapple. Everyone knows that you never ever feed a goat pineapple or they transform into one of those! They totally bought it and it was the most exciting thing they insisted on telling everyone about their holiday.
The inlaws were ! I thought they'd forgotten about it until the other day when they were warning a friend who was going to visit the local petting zoo .