To ask for your best 'parent lies' (lighthearted).

[ThatGingerOne]

We all know the ice cream man only rings his tune when there's none left

Not me but a friend. She would put her kids on rides at Disney and so she didn't have to queue for autographs, she would sign the autograph book herself and when they got off she would say you've just missed Mickey, Minnie, Donald etc. They only found out when they went to Uni!

My mother did some pre-planning. There was a yoghurt I liked and she told m there was a little bit of medicine in it. This had the benefit that she got to control how many I had (can't take too much medicine), useful for "treating" bumps or stings and being willing to at least real medicine when it came along so at least I got the first dose (soon realised not all medecine was as nice as that one.

I do the bone in my leg thing too! My mam did it to us.

I told dd aged 4 or 5 that the air freshener that went off at various intervals was a Trump detector and only went off when someone trumped. Every time it went off she would say 'it wasn't me'.

It was amusing until my boss called in one day with some paperwork and I left the room to make him a coffee. Dd came running after me laughing hysterically because she knew it wasn't her and he was the only one there.

I have told ds that the ice cream van is really a potato van. It pulls up right outside our living room window. Now he is smart enough to climb up and was furious when he saw other kids coming away with ice cream.

I convinced dd to eat mushrooms by telling her they were chicken mushrooms.

I also tell dp that the stew he loves is made from stewing steak when it's really ox tail or shin as he doesn't like the cheaper cuts.

And I have told ds I have to phone santander every night to see what time he was asleep for. He is 2.10 so not really sure who santa is but haven't heard a peep out of him for 3 nights.

Oh god. I remember a sheer end of tether moment with DD2 when she was about ... 6ish i think.

It was school summer hols and she was being a total pain in the bum. On impulse I grabbed up the TV remote control which was near me and loudly pretended to make a call on it to the school to ask if DD ''could join the kids who were staying in school over the hols as they were being so naughty at home'' !

Where this came from i do not know - but my god it did the trick! To my amazement DD believed it was real and started promising she'd be good from now on. So i finished the 'call' explaining to put it on hold as she was saying she'd be good. And her behavior improved a lot!

She's 21 now and we laugh about it together. (although i am still a bit )

Phone santa. Not the Spanish bank. Ffs.

Oh no DD, those biscuits, cereals or whatever with cute cartoon characters on the packaging are not human food, they are for Tony Tiger, or whoever is on the box

Mine's all grown up now and I can't remember any outright lies I told her (I'm sure there were loads. ) but the "display sweets" post reminded me that I don't think she realised for years that you could actually buy things in Toys R Us. We'd visit regularly, "try out" the trikes, play on the keyboards, press all the buttons on the vtech toys. I think she was under the impression it was some kind of interactive toy museum.

We used to regularly drive a route that was close to the hospital where son 1 was born ( not visible from the road). We always commented on it and he would ask to see it. Rather than take a slight detour I pointed out the garden centre, one day and said that was it.
A few months later we had friends in the car, as we passed the garden centre, son pointed and said ' that's where I was born wasn't it mummy?'

Im so sorry the tooth fairy didn't make it last night sweetheart, did you see on TV, there is an ash cloud from a volcano stopping planes from flying, so it would be really dangerous for a poor little fairy your mother is rubbish & forgot

My BIL tells the kids he's only got one left lung if they want him to do something he doesn't want to.!

We used to tell ds ( now 17) that brown coins were worth a lot more than silver or gold ones!

And I have told ds I have to phone santander every night to see what time he was asleep

Ha ha ha! Oh I wish you were telling your DC that you were phoning your bank to see when they went to sleep. I bet Santander have an app for that. Those fuckers know everything else about us.

Pmsl at the garden centre one!!

I think I need to get slicker.

That all pigeons are called Colin. I have no clue why I told DD this, maybe I poured a little too much gin.

That the moon is made of cheese, although DD's teacher told her it's made of rock which she insists to be true. I've drafted in friends and family to back me up and I'm slowly planting a seed of doubt.

Siri the hamster went missing..... we never did find her.... eventually he stopped pulling out random boxes trying to find her. ds was 3

My mum did the bone in the leg and pretend ringing of kids home, I did it to mine too, I also told them I used to work for NASA and I got dd from Mars in an egg and hatched her at home, she once had a tick on her head from playing in the cow field, I told her it was one of her alien antennas coming out and we needed to get it off before more sprouted and NASA heard or we'd have to send her back to Mars! Ds and dd believed about that for years!

If the light is flashing on those "ride ons"...(ambulance /fireman sam/postman pat / teletubbies /Thomas the tank engine etc..) . Then it's broken!..... What a shame!!!

One year when DS was very small I went out on the lash on Christmas eve and got so disgustingly drunk that I failed to wrap any of his Christmas presents and just stuck a load of bows on them and threw them under the tree. In the morning I told him that Father Christmass was trying to help the environment by not using excessive wrapping that would just go into the bin. DS was happy with this but his DGP and my friends gave me such a hard time that the following year I went completely OTT with wrapping and ribbon and bells the lot. DS commented that Father Christmas's environmental campaign mustn't have gone down well with other children.
I also told him that only Father Christmas can bring the special batteries for the noisy toys he brought last year.
He was a gullible child. DD would never let me get away with anything like that.

They can't have nuts-so I don't have to share my chocolate with nuts in it. I know when you're lying & I see absolutely everything.

10 more spoonfuls, DD. 10...9...8... Distract her with something shiny... 10...9...8...

My DD wouldn't eat eggs until one day we were staying overseas with family who had a dog called POppy who she adored. My niece told her Poppy had laid the eggs on her plate and she instantly ate them and loved them. We went home with a box of Poppy eggs and for the next couple of years we regularly received boxes of Poppy eggs in the post. She never queried how they made their way to us unbroken or why the box they came in looked exactly like the boxes available in the local supermarket. It was a sad day, on many levels, when we eventually heard that Poppy had died.

We told DD that when she was 11 we would send her to Hogwarts. She was devastated when she found out she wasn't going to be running at the wall on platform 9 3/4

That my rabbit stews contained "poultry."

When they complained of a headache to get out of somethingl I would say "Well that is weird because you can't get headaches till you are 16" - never said it if I really thought they were ill; but it was remarkable how quickly they got better.

Chocolate brownies contain wine!

That the CD player in the car only worked on Mummy & Daddy's music.

That the tooth fairy couldn't stand mess, so would only come if bedrooms were tidy - she could also tell how well you'd been brushing your teeth.