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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Dh telling me "I've had enough" of takeaway

95 replies

annatha · 06/11/2016 20:44

Background- I'm doing slimming world and have lost 4 stone this year. Still around 3 stone to go. Dh is happy that I'm happy but makes comments about me never wanting to eat treat foods with him, or worrying that I'll get too skinny.

Tonight he suggested a takeaway and I agreed. I've struggled to stay on plan this week. Ordered a massive Chinese, ate loads and then was nibbling on prawn crackers while we watched a film and he says "I'll take those now". I thought he meant he wanted to share so I went to put some on a plate and he said "no, I don't want any but don't you think you've had enough?". To me, that feels condescending and hypocritical. So having a massive Chinese is fine but a few prawn crackers is too much? He kept going on about me asking him to help me stay on track and that he was saying it for my own good, but if that were true why on earth did he suggest a takeaway in the first place? It felt like he needed to be in control of the situation. Apparently I behaved like a child because I couldn't have my own way. Yes, I was annoyed at him taking them from me but that wasn't because I couldn't have my way, it was because it felt like he was suddenly in crontrol of what I can and can't eat.

OP posts:

Tootsiepops · 06/11/2016 20:47

Is he the food police? Wtf? I'd have told him to fuck off.

DearMrDilkington · 06/11/2016 20:47

Yanbu, he sounds like a twat.

Eat as many prawn crackers as you like and take no notice.

Tootsiepops · 06/11/2016 20:48

P.S congratulations on your weight loss!

TheCatsMother99 · 06/11/2016 20:49

Very hypercritical. He is being unreasonable.

I'm a target SW member so know all about having bad days and bad weeks, as it's all part of the journey, and also know you need to draw a line and move on after a bad period.... but.... to do this almost in the middle of a meal (or cheat evening) seems pointless. Let you have your evening off, then draw a line under when you go to bed and start tomorrow a fresh.

Wishing you luck on your SW journey, you're doing amazingly!!

Notcontent · 06/11/2016 20:50

To be fair, he was probably trying to be helpful. It's very easy to keep nibbling on food if it's right in front of you. And things like prawn crackers are just empty calories - that is, they have no nutritional value and you can keep on eating them without realizing how much you have eaten...

Pippa12 · 06/11/2016 20:52

Yep, this would really boil my piss!

DecaffCoffeeAndRollupsPlease · 06/11/2016 20:56

Would piss me off, controlling behaviour.

pointythings · 06/11/2016 20:56

You were having a 'me' day off plan and he decides to mess with that? No. Is it possible to beat someone to death with prawn crackers? May I suggest you find out?

Bluntness100 · 06/11/2016 20:56

Did you ask him to help you stay on track? Because having a treat, a takeaway is one thing, but you don't need to eat loads. Maybe he just fancied a treat for a change that's why he suggested it. We can eat a normal size portion, and that normal size portion is what helps with our weight,

But if uou ate loads and you just kept eating, then maybe he should have phrased it better but I'd take the view he was trying to help. Because sometimes we wake up the next morning and regret the binge, then we blame our hubbies for suggesting the take away in the first place. Or not saying something to stop us keeping eating.

You've done such a fab job, four stone is a lot. But you still have three to go. Three that you wish to lose, not three someone is telling you to. So don't fall out with hubby and just assume he is trying to help and maybe you're more annoyed st yourself. As said, ordering the take away may have been his idea. But eating loads was all uou. Sorry,

AndNowItsSeven · 06/11/2016 20:57

He sounds like he was trying to help, they are quite fattening.

lightcola · 06/11/2016 21:02

My ex used to tell me off for eating "bad" food. I remember coming home after s night in the pub with a chicken burger and he flipped chucking it in the bin. So when he was asleep I went back out and bought another one. Prick.

WorraLiberty · 06/11/2016 21:07

Did he think you were absentmindedly eating them and that's why he offered to take them out of sight?

Perhaps that was him trying to help in his own cack-handed way, because it was obvious you couldn't have been hungry.

hiccupgirl · 06/11/2016 21:09

I'd tell him to sod off considering the takeaway was his idea.

He's either supporting you so helps by not moaning that you're avoiding treat food or its fine for you to have them. Not he encourages you to eat a takeaway and then tells you off for having too much in his eyes.

Bertucci · 06/11/2016 21:11

It sounds to me like he is trying to help you. You might not like the way he said it though.

FluffyPersian · 06/11/2016 21:12

He's being a knob.

If YOU suggested the takeaway and he said 'Are you sure?' or 'Remember you have more weight to lose?' and then shut up about it, then I'd think he was trying to support you and not trying to sabotage you, but also knew when to keep his mouth shut.

But to suggest a Takeaway which is typically unhealthy and THEN say 'Don't you think you've had enough?' would make me incredibly annoyed - it's almost as if you never know when he's going to 'judge' you've had enough and will open his mouth.

I struggle with my weight and sometimes I have good days / bad days - My partner is always supportive but would never say something like that as it would make me feel upset and just really, really, well.... judged?

EweAreHere · 06/11/2016 21:12

It's not his job to decide what you should or shouldn't b eating. You are a grown up.

I'd be pissed, too.

AnyFucker · 06/11/2016 21:14

Put a prawn cracker up each nostril and waggle your ears at him

What a dick

Italiangreyhound · 06/11/2016 21:14

Congratulations on your weight loss.

I am afraid you are giving him mixed messages (IMHO) about wanting him to help you stay on track but also not wanting him to take the prawn crackers off you.

I think you can do that, it is fine, but it is confusing.

Yes, he clearly was not thinking of your weight loss when a massive Chinese was ordered. But he remembered when you were 'snacking' after dinner.

I think it's better for you to be in charge of your own weight loss and not expect him to 'police' it BUT it is fair to say you won't be having big Chinese meals together. In reality I would have said that it would be better for him to keep quiet about the prawn crackers and just let you enjoy your evening.

But the fact he did not may well mean he was being a bossy controlling man or that he was trying to help! Which do you think it was?

CarrieLouise25 · 06/11/2016 21:15

AMAZING weight loss OP.

I do think that's unfair. It is so hard losing weight, and when you feel like a treat (and the guilt that comes with it sometimes) it's just been made worse by your DH controlling your food intake like a child who's had too many sweets.

I have lost 2 stone so far, and that was hard going. We had a curry the other night, and I felt poo enough but DH said I needed a break, I'm not going to put the 2 stone on in one curry and start over again tomorrow. In fact he could watch me eat biscuits whole packet and say nothing.

I'd say you felt controlled. Or switch it back on him, take something away from him (food wise) and ask him how that feels. Hopefully he'll get it

Good luck with further weight loss

Laiste · 06/11/2016 21:17

I have to say i'm sure i'm an absolute PITA to live with when i'm dieting. I don't want to be told i'm overweight or pulled up about what i'm eating at any given moment - however i like DH to support me. Really not sure how though to be totally honest! I think it can be hard to be the partner of a dieter.

trinitybleu · 06/11/2016 21:22

Is it possible to beat someone to death with prawn crackers? May I suggest you find out?

d270r0 · 06/11/2016 21:22

Yep, I always feel the same when dieting. My dh tries to 'help' too but it is so annoying to have someone else tell you what to eat. He was just trying to help you stay on track- but yes it is annoying.

HummusForBreakfast · 06/11/2016 21:23

I think he wanted a takeaway for his own pleasure and felt that because you can't have one, it is affecting him too.
I.e. He can't share the treat meal with you. It's him on his own so probably not as much fun. Probably also reminds him that said treat meals isn't that good for your health so he should t have it anyway (guilt feeling).
BUT once he had his takeaway, and was able to his needs/wishes met, he moved back to 'supporting you' and reminded you that these crackers weren't good for you.

I think you might need a bit of a chat together about the takeaway and the effect your diet has on him. And the effect him pushing for a takeaway has on you iswim

Topsy44 · 06/11/2016 21:26

YANBU. Well done on the weight loss.

Owllady · 06/11/2016 21:27

You are doing so well :) four stone is amazing!
Only you and him know what is going on wrt to tonight tbh. He tried to sabotage you and then felt guilty or he wanted to eat all the prawn crackers and was being a duck, who knows?
If you are otherwise happy, speak to him after you have done whatever form of release you want to do :o

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