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AIBU?

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Original poster

Dh telling me "I've had enough" of takeaway

95 replies

annatha · 06/11/2016 20:44

Background- I'm doing slimming world and have lost 4 stone this year. Still around 3 stone to go. Dh is happy that I'm happy but makes comments about me never wanting to eat treat foods with him, or worrying that I'll get too skinny.

Tonight he suggested a takeaway and I agreed. I've struggled to stay on plan this week. Ordered a massive Chinese, ate loads and then was nibbling on prawn crackers while we watched a film and he says "I'll take those now". I thought he meant he wanted to share so I went to put some on a plate and he said "no, I don't want any but don't you think you've had enough?". To me, that feels condescending and hypocritical. So having a massive Chinese is fine but a few prawn crackers is too much? He kept going on about me asking him to help me stay on track and that he was saying it for my own good, but if that were true why on earth did he suggest a takeaway in the first place? It felt like he needed to be in control of the situation. Apparently I behaved like a child because I couldn't have my own way. Yes, I was annoyed at him taking them from me but that wasn't because I couldn't have my way, it was because it felt like he was suddenly in crontrol of what I can and can't eat.

OP posts:
Owllady · 06/11/2016 21:28

He was definitely being a duck

Bluntness100 · 06/11/2016 21:28

Has he been able to get takeaways since you started dieting? Sometimes our partners won't have them in their own, because it seems unsupportive to have one in front of you. To have lost four stone you've probably been on a diet for ages and it's impacting him too. Sometimes we all fancy a takeaway.

As said, I'd go on he was trying to help, because uou asked him to do that. But maybe if he hasn't had a takeaway for ages, you can forgive him suggesting it, especially if he's not dieting but is eating cleaner to support uou.

I reckon uoure more angry you've ate loads and kept eating than you really think he's being an arsehole.

Shinyshoes2 · 06/11/2016 21:29

I think Yabu
He's trying to help
There's No controllingz going on as far as I can make out
Tbh wouldnt you rather he someone remove them for you

GazingAtStars · 06/11/2016 21:31

You asked him to help you...it's one thing to have a bad meal but it's quite another to sit in front of the telly continuing to shove food into your face. That's how bad habits start up again

strawberihead · 06/11/2016 21:33

Do you ask him to help you stay on track? You said in your OP that he claimed this. Is it true? If so, YABU. If not, YANBU.

ageingrunner · 06/11/2016 21:35

He sounds like he's playing a bit of a funny game with you. Ordering a takeaway then winding you up when you're eating it. I'd suspect that he actually doesn't want you to lose weight. It's probably making him feel insecure.

WorraLiberty · 06/11/2016 21:36

So having a massive Chinese is fine but a few prawn crackers is too much? He kept going on about me asking him to help me stay on track and that he was saying it for my own good, but if that were true why on earth did he suggest a takeaway in the first place?

Actually reading that again...

If he had said to you, "Why are you having a massive portion when you're on a diet?" I'm sure you would have been just as upset.

So it's not that having a massive Chinese is fine. He probably just knew you'd be angry if he pointed out your portion size.

As for why he suggested a takeaway in the first place, well he's allowed to want to eat it as well as supporting you and your weight loss.

foodiefil · 06/11/2016 21:37

Congrats on your weight loss. Treats are part of maintaining it. You won't have a massive Chinese tomorrow and the next day.

He was being controlling.

slenderisthenight · 06/11/2016 21:41

You did ask.

It's like saying 'tell me if you think I've put on weight'. There is NO right way to do it and it's not fair.

He probably intervened when he did because he reasoned you'd had the main enjoyment of the experience and were now eating without noticing and wouldn't mind being stopped. So if you had asked him to do it, he chose the moment when you looked as if you'd mind least.

I understand why you're cross but YABU.

QuiteLikely5 · 06/11/2016 21:41

Perhaps he fancies the odd takeaway - hence why he said get one - you say you got a massive amount - perhaps it's about eating a normal portion size and he sees that your portion is quite large.

I understand why what he said upset you but im thinking you have taken it the wrong way

ThisIsStartingToBoreMe · 06/11/2016 21:42

Oh for god's sake what is it with men and food?????

He was being a knob.

Congratulations on your weight loss.

JustCallMeKate · 06/11/2016 21:45

*He was definitely being a duck
*

I wonder if he was animal quackers? 😂😂

LovingLola · 06/11/2016 21:47

What is a 'massive' Chinese?

Waltermittythesequel · 06/11/2016 21:48

Couldn't you have just had the chicken in black bean?

DotForShort · 06/11/2016 21:49

I would tell him that as an adult I can decide what and how much I choose to eat.

He kept going on about me asking him to help me stay on track

Is that true? Did you ask him to help you stay on track? I still think he has overstepped the bounds but if you have requested his help, he may have thought he was being helpful (although he went about it in a very clumsy way).

ThisIsStartingToBoreMe · 06/11/2016 21:49

A massive Chinese is a big Chinese LovingLola

But you already knew that.

LovingLola · 06/11/2016 21:51

*A massive Chinese is a big Chinese LovingLola

But you already knew that*.

I didn't actually.
So is it one main course each or two or what??? If it is one, then yes he is being unreasonable, if it's two then he is not being u.

FeliciaJollygoodfellow · 06/11/2016 21:53

It doesn't matter how much OP ate or eats, it's HER weight loss and if she hasn't explicitly asked him to remove food from her then he shouldn't comment.

One 'massive' blowout isn't going to ruin months of hard work. And waiting until you've finished with the food and then taking away the prawn crackers is just dickish.

Bluntness100 · 06/11/2016 21:54

I doubt anyone would say they had a massive Chinese if they had one main course, unless they don't eat much normally,

I'd guess they ordered lots of different things and she just ate loads. Most of us have been there. 😳😳😳

WorraLiberty · 06/11/2016 21:55

I think Lola's point is that one person's 'massive' is another person's small/medium/large.

Either way no matter how massive it was, the OP didn't have to eat a massive amount.

She did and that's up to her, but then her DH (who had been asked to help her stay on track), offered to remove the prawn crackers because it sounds as though the OP was just eating them for the sake of it.

That's how I read it anyway.

I get she's upset but I don't think what he did was wrong. It can't be easy living with someone on a diet, who asks you for help but gets upset when you try to do just that.

Eating/weight/dieting are very emotive subjects.

GoBigOrange · 06/11/2016 21:57

I think there is a difference between asking a partner to support your weight loss efforts, and asking them to police your eating.

I feel fine with asking my DH to be supportive by not regularly sitting and scoffing my favourite snack foods in front of me, and I ask him to be supportive by eating the same healthy dinners as me most of the time.

But if he really wants a take away, and I agree to eat some with him, I don't then expect him to try to control my food intake by telling me when he thinks I've eaten enough! That is just rude.

MrsJayy · 06/11/2016 21:59

Tbf you were snacking after your dinner would you have had the same response if you went to the cupboard for a packet of prawn cocktail crisps its just the same. You are asking him to support your diet and when he does a bit cackhanded you get arsey about it. My dh is the same it drives me nuts and sends mixed messages.

StarBears · 06/11/2016 22:01

I think what he said was patronising and I would be annoyed. However possibly he felt guilty for pulling you off course and belatedly tried to stop the train.

Congratulations on your weightloss! And carry on, you can do it Flowers

WorraLiberty · 06/11/2016 22:01

I think there is a difference between asking a partner to support your weight loss efforts, and asking them to police your eating.

I feel fine with asking my DH to be supportive by not regularly sitting and scoffing my favourite snack foods in front of me, and I ask him to be supportive by eating the same healthy dinners as me most of the time.

So you police his eating instead? Confused Confused

Bluntness100 · 06/11/2016 22:02

Seems like two camps, one camp saying he should have said nothing and let her keep eating the prawn crackers especially as he suggested the take away, the other side, which I'm on, saying she asked the poor guy to help her stay on track and as she just kept on eating he stepped in and that maybe he hasn't had a takeaway for ages due to supporting her diet and as such, suggesting it isn't that unreasonable.

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