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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Dh telling me "I've had enough" of takeaway

95 replies

annatha · 06/11/2016 20:44

Background- I'm doing slimming world and have lost 4 stone this year. Still around 3 stone to go. Dh is happy that I'm happy but makes comments about me never wanting to eat treat foods with him, or worrying that I'll get too skinny.

Tonight he suggested a takeaway and I agreed. I've struggled to stay on plan this week. Ordered a massive Chinese, ate loads and then was nibbling on prawn crackers while we watched a film and he says "I'll take those now". I thought he meant he wanted to share so I went to put some on a plate and he said "no, I don't want any but don't you think you've had enough?". To me, that feels condescending and hypocritical. So having a massive Chinese is fine but a few prawn crackers is too much? He kept going on about me asking him to help me stay on track and that he was saying it for my own good, but if that were true why on earth did he suggest a takeaway in the first place? It felt like he needed to be in control of the situation. Apparently I behaved like a child because I couldn't have my own way. Yes, I was annoyed at him taking them from me but that wasn't because I couldn't have my way, it was because it felt like he was suddenly in crontrol of what I can and can't eat.

OP posts:

MrsJayy · 06/11/2016 22:05

gobigorange why is it fine for you to control your dh but not the op dh to control hers ?

OohhThatsMe · 06/11/2016 22:24

I would say it was a massive Chinese meal if you ate one main - the portions are usually huge, unless that's just where I live!

LittlePaintBox · 06/11/2016 22:26

YANBU. He brought the Chinese food in the house, if he thinks it's bad for you eating prawn crackers, he shouldn't bring prawn crackers in the house.

Sounds to me like he's preparing an alibi for if you're not happy with your weigh-in this week - "Well I did try to stop you eating the prawn crackers".

Very annoying.

FeliciaJollygoodfellow · 06/11/2016 22:35

'Offering' would be to say 'do you want me to remove the temptation?' not 'I'll take those now' undoubtedly with a cats bum face.

Even 'I'd better take those now or you'll explode' would be better but from OPs description it doesn't sound like he said it with humour.

WorraLiberty · 06/11/2016 22:51

LittlePaintBox he did not 'bring' the Chinese food in the house.

After a discussion, both the OP and her DH decided to order a takeaway.

And as for 'He shouldn't bring them in the house', that's just bloody ridiculous.

He doesn't need an 'alibi' either if his wife (a grown woman) decided to eat a 'massive' takeaway.

MrsJayy · 06/11/2016 23:09

They ordered a chinese take away they ate the chinese take away the op chose to eat prawn crackers the husband took them away as he thought his wife might regret still eating nobody is trying to sabbotage the op weigh in bloody hell.

Summerwood1 · 06/11/2016 23:10

Perhaps it was the crunching of the prawn crackers that he'd had enough of!

MrsJayy · 06/11/2016 23:11

Tbf we dont know if the dh said it in kindness or humour we only have the op side of it.

MrsJayy · 06/11/2016 23:12

summerwood prawn cracker crunching goes right through me you are maybe on to something there

TheStoic · 06/11/2016 23:23

One of the best things about being a grown up is making your own decisions about what and when and how much to eat.

I'm trying to imagine my partner taking food away from me, or vice versa, and...I just can't.

WorraLiberty · 06/11/2016 23:31

True Stoic but making those decisions is what (presumably) lead to the OP now needing to lose 7 stones of unwanted weight, which she has asked her husband to help her keep on track with.

It can't be easy knowing what to do or say for the best, when that person is snacking straight after eating a massive meal.

BadKnee · 06/11/2016 23:43

YABU you have asked him for help. He did.

MistressDeeCee · 06/11/2016 23:58

"I'll take those now". I mean, really? Thats not helpful or supportive. If someone asks you to help and support them, its not a green light to be condescending actually.

OP managed to get herself to SW and stay mainly on track, she is an adult. The people saying the DH is right are amongst the more and more landing on here nowadays who revel in people feeling bad. Or if their DH said that to their child theyd land on here in a froth about him BU.

Well done OP, 4 stone in one year is no mean feat..! and good luck with the continuing weight loss

TheStoic · 07/11/2016 00:03

It can't be easy knowing what to do or say for the best, when that person is snacking straight after eating a massive meal.

Yes it does confuse things if you have outsourced that decision-making to someone else, some of the time.

But I think asking, if he was unsure, is probably better. Rather than treating her like a child and then accusing her of...acting like a child.

EverySongbirdSays · 07/11/2016 00:10

There's nothing worse when you know you need to lose weight and have admitted it, than other people taking this as their queue that it's a free-for-all to comment on every single fucking thing you eat in the manner of "helping"
but also wanting you to break your diet when they find it tiresome or want a takeout

YANBU

emotionsecho · 07/11/2016 00:41

There is nothing worse than someone on a diet asking you to help keep them on track and then becoming angry or defensive when you do or, even worse, policing/controlling your food choices because they lack will power/want a scapegoat to blame when they fail.

DontMindMe1 · 07/11/2016 00:43

What an arse!

The whole point of having a 'treat day/meal' is that you are *treating^ yourself.....which means not thinking about calories etc at all. You're meant to enjoy the treat - and he's pissing all over it.
Are you sure there's no jealousy/insecurity on his part over you looking good and achieving hard goals?

He's a dick for deliberately sugaring you up and making you change your plans just cos he wanted a takeaway.
Once his objective was achieved he dresses his greed as 'concern' again. Manipulative twat.

LittlePaintBox · 07/11/2016 00:54

Not what the OP said, WorraLiberty

The DH suggested the takeaway, if he's 'helping' her control her food intake he needs to start by hat concerned about her food intake, the time to exercising self control by not suggesting a Chinese takeaway, even if he wants one.

OP also says

Dh is happy that I'm happy but makes comments about me never wanting to eat treat foods with him, or worrying that I'll get too skinny

I would be bloody annoyed if DH suggested a takeaway and I agreed because he missed sharing 'treat foods' (and because I was ravenous) and then he started laying down the law about how much I could eat.

ILoveAutumnLeaves · 07/11/2016 01:44

💐 congratulations on losing 4 stone. You've done really well.

Dh is happy that I'm happy but makes comments about me never wanting to eat treat foods with him, or worrying that I'll get too skinny

^ that is coming from someone who has become insecure about your weight loss, so now he is suggesting takeaways to stall your weight loss. Then he's making you feel bad about eating. 'I'll take those' is what you say to a CHILD with contraband, NOT your wife. IF it was coming from a place of love there were many other ways he could have phrased it. Watch out, because he will throw you off track if you let him.

Blackbird82 · 07/11/2016 01:46

My husband has made comments about my food intake in the evenings before....

let's just say he doesn't do it anymore ......

No doubt yours thought he was being 'helpful' - he wasn't, it's twatish behaviour.

GoBigOrange · 07/11/2016 01:58

I don't control my husband's eating how on earth did you arrive at that conclusion?

I have asked him to be supportive and make dieting easier for me by not scoffing tempting treats right under my nose. I have asked him if he is happy to eat healthy dinners most evenings (if he wants junk he can buy/cook his own). He can eat whatever he likes, whenever he likes, I just really appreciate it if he doesn't sit beside me guzzling something I would really like to have too, but can't. So because he is a kind supportive man he has taken my requests (requests, not commands!) on board and generally eats his take outs and junk foods when I'm not around to see it.

Controlling his eating would be me saying: "No you may not get a take out for a change, you must sit and eat salad with me." or "What, pretzels again? If I can't have them, you can't either." And then snatching them off him and hiding them away.

Bluntness100 · 07/11/2016 07:41

I agee, for the hubby it's a no win situation, she's asked him to help her stay on track, he did so and she threw a hissy fit at the guy, fine he could have handled it better but there is no easy way to do it,

They agreed the take out together, she's a grown woman, it's not like he randomly brought it home and then sat next to her eating it or force feeding her it. She was an equal part in the decision process and I'm guessing she probably even ordered it from reading her post, after the decision was made.

I don't get why people are then hang drawing and quartering him as someone who is controlling and sabotaging her, simply because he made the initial suggestion and then tried to stop her mindlessly snacking.

Living with a dieter is not easy, your own diet is impacted, and yep, uou als go without treats in your attempt to support. So occasionally succumbing and suggesting a take away is totally understandable. But let's not forget, she is a grown woman who could have easily said, no you have a takeaway, eat it in the dining room away from me, I don't want one. Saying yes then eating loads is all on her.

liquidrevolution · 07/11/2016 08:02

Your DH sounds like a twat. Sadly he seems very similar to my DH.

On another note Prawn crackers are the food of the gods. I survived on them for 6 months while pregnant as everything else was vomited up. This shows how nutritious and good for you they are .

PinkiePiesCupcakes · 07/11/2016 08:09

In an alternative u diverse there's a thread being started by OP who's OH didn't take away the prawn crackers.
"I asked him to help with my weight loss and the prick let's me eat a whole bag of prawn crackers after he watched me stuff me face with a massive Chinese"

Damned if you do, damned if you don't.

TheNaze73 · 07/11/2016 08:21

I actually think your DH was trying to do you a favour.

Don't ask for support in the future if you're going to get upset in the future when challenged

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