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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Dh telling me "I've had enough" of takeaway

95 replies

annatha · 06/11/2016 20:44

Background- I'm doing slimming world and have lost 4 stone this year. Still around 3 stone to go. Dh is happy that I'm happy but makes comments about me never wanting to eat treat foods with him, or worrying that I'll get too skinny.

Tonight he suggested a takeaway and I agreed. I've struggled to stay on plan this week. Ordered a massive Chinese, ate loads and then was nibbling on prawn crackers while we watched a film and he says "I'll take those now". I thought he meant he wanted to share so I went to put some on a plate and he said "no, I don't want any but don't you think you've had enough?". To me, that feels condescending and hypocritical. So having a massive Chinese is fine but a few prawn crackers is too much? He kept going on about me asking him to help me stay on track and that he was saying it for my own good, but if that were true why on earth did he suggest a takeaway in the first place? It felt like he needed to be in control of the situation. Apparently I behaved like a child because I couldn't have my own way. Yes, I was annoyed at him taking them from me but that wasn't because I couldn't have my way, it was because it felt like he was suddenly in crontrol of what I can and can't eat.

OP posts:

llangennith · 07/11/2016 08:27

He was probably well-intentioned but I'd be furious too! So demeaning.

BeyondReasonablyDoubts · 07/11/2016 08:33

Prawn crackers after the main bit are part of the Chinese, not 'snacking'

blitheringbuzzards1234 · 07/11/2016 08:38

He probably was trying to help but it came across as bossy and many of us don't like to be told what to do. I'd try to let it go.
Congrats on your weight loss - it's not easy to lose weight. IME it's saying no to the tempting tasty treats that stops this from being successful. Just say to yourself that you had a pleasant evening but now you're going to get back on track and good luck.

SpunkyMummy · 07/11/2016 08:38

That is awful.

And well done in the weight loss. That's amazing. Xx

SpunkyMummy · 07/11/2016 08:39

*on

IsMyUserNameRubbish · 07/11/2016 08:47

What a cheeky bastard! I'd have told him were to stick those crackers.

msrisotto · 07/11/2016 08:56

Congratulations on your weight loss OP. You obviously can decide for yourself what you eat, enough for you to have lost 3 stone already.

Just to think devils advocate for a minute though, and this may be way off base. But my DH often complains about his weight then buys loads of sweets. I bite my tongue but inside am screaming that he can't complain about his weight while eating crap. While there is nothing wrong with a break occasionally, I personally struggle to moderate myself so won't have 1 piece of chocolate but a load and then because i've broken my diet in the morning, continue to et crap throughout the day. Maybe it is a misguided attempt at stopping you from going OTT on the treat? As pp said, to stop you eating absentmindedly? YANBU for being sensitive about it though, of course you are. He's coming off that he thinks he needs to or has the right to control you for want of a better word, when you're a fully grown woman who can take care of herself and make her own decisions.

LizB62A · 07/11/2016 09:18

And things like prawn crackers are just empty calories - that is, they have no nutritional value and you can keep on eating them without realizing how much you have eaten

They're not considered empty calories on Slimming World though as they're made with some sort of flour (varies depending on the recipe) and then fried.
So they do have calories and fat.
25g of prawn crackers is 6.5 syns and the allowance is 15 syns a day.
(just in case any SW newbies are reading this and think that prawn crackers are free food !)

OohMavis · 07/11/2016 09:24

You can't win really, can you?

He criticizes you for not ever wanting to eat junk food with him, but when you do, he criticizes you for eating it.

Sounds to me as though he just wants to have something to dig at you for.

How does he feel about your weight loss, OP?

WorraLiberty · 07/11/2016 09:43

Prawn crackers after the main bit are part of the Chinese, not 'snacking'

Of course it was snacking.

The OP said, Ordered a massive Chinese, ate loads and then was nibbling on prawn crackers while we watched a film

Surely part of losing weight is learning to stop eating when you're no longer hungry?

I'd be very surprised if the OP was still actually hungry after 'eating loads' from a 'massive' Chinese takeaway.

bibbitybobbityyhat · 07/11/2016 09:51

I think you are making a mountain out of a molehill. Honestly.

bibbitybobbityyhat · 07/11/2016 09:52

And is it just me or are prawn crackers absolutely revolting?

Original poster

annatha · 07/11/2016 16:21

Thanks for the replies, a few posters have hit the nail on the head with how I feel about it all really. I've asked for his support in losing weight by asking him to stop complaining that our food is boring, to stop bringing KFC home after work (he works late and will often turn up with a family sized KFC unannounced, and then complain if I don't eat any) and that's about it really. I cook the food in our house, he eats slimming world friendly meals as it's what he's given but he chooses his own snacks etc. We have the occasional takeaway (though obviously less than before) and 90% of the time he's the one who suggests it. He's never made comments like that during a meal before, but has sometimes made comments about hiding his chocolate or biscuits where I can't reach, which is annoying because I'd never actually have any of his stuff, and ironically in my pre diet days he'd often eat my snacks when he ran out of his own.

Anyway, we spoke about it today and he's just said that he won't try and help me anymore because I never help him to stop eating crap(?). Suits me fine as I've got this fair pretty much by myself and every few weeks when he decides he's going to follow slimming world properly I'll spend time working out the sun values on his favourite foods, measuring out a portion of milk for A choice etc and he'll just go back to normal after a day or so because he doesn't like it. Maybe he policed my eating because he wants me to do the same to him? I think we've just got very different ideas about how to support someone on a diet!

OP posts:

DontMindMe1 · 07/11/2016 16:32

He's jealous. Sounds to me like he just wants to sabotage your efforts to make himself feel better

If he was serious about losing weight he knows what to do...but as he can't actually be arsed with it he'd rather make you feel bad/guilty.

Don't do all the calorie counting etc for him - HE needs to take responsibility for it.

teenyrabbit · 07/11/2016 16:39

I'm not even on a diet or plan and if dp did this to me I'd be raging.

How the hell is he trying to help if he suggested the takeaway? He'd be trying to help if he cooked his own Chinese meal with less shit in it for him and op.

He'd be helping if op said DH I don't know what to have and he said oh op why don't you have this (whatever is most on plan)

He's not helping by saying lets a get a Chinese oh wait no stop eating prawn crackers (because a few prawn crackers are going to make all the bloody difference! )

He's being a dick. One minute he's wanting you to eat treats and not get too thin, next he's taking food away from you. Sounds to me like your weight is more of an issue to him that it is you!

Well done on your weight loss though! It doesn't sound like you need any help from your idiot husband!

Plus, everyone's allowed a treat now and again, one Chinese isn't the end of the world!

amusedbush · 07/11/2016 16:54

It sounds like he really wants to lose weight but can't be arsed putting in the effort. Now you're doing really well and he's jealous so he's sabotaging you and starting a fight where he gets to say, "no, look, I'm helping!"

slenderisthenight · 07/11/2016 19:36

He thought he was doing what you asked him to do, OP.

Of all the wildly unreasonable threads I've thread, this takes the crackers.

slenderisthenight · 07/11/2016 19:37

threads I've read

PotatoCakeMixes · 07/11/2016 20:12

bibbity prawn crackers smell and taste like an oil slick of nasty foot disease.

MistressDeeCee · 07/11/2016 20:42

Surely part of losing weight is learning to stop eating when you're no longer hungry?

^ Arf at judgypants-itis re a woman who has disciplined herself enough to lose FOUR STONE in a year and DARED TO HAVE A TREAT - A FULL TREAT AT THAT

When Im on a weight loss mission I never tell anyone because it tends to bring out the arse in folks. All they can talk about is your diet. Or they move into disapproval mode at the slightest opportunity as if its their God-given right and you're supposed to give a fuck. Or they fancy themselves as amateur nutritionists.

Or they sabotage your efforts aim to trip you up, so they can be gleeful that you've fallen off the diet wagon. Or they''re overweight themselves with no willpower and so envious Im surprised they're not walking around with faces a fetching shade of deepest green

Onwards & upwards OP

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