Livid with MIL

[Chocness]

Background to this is that I have a 18 month old DS who I thank my lucky stars has always been a good sleeper. His current sleep pattern is:

Wakes 6.30am
Naps 10-12.30 ish
Naps 4-5.30 ish
Bedtime at 8pm. Sleeps through most nights with the exception of illness/teething etc

His room has a blackout blind up at the window and we close his door when he goes to bed. His room is dark but not pitch black to the point he can find his own dummy or lovey when needed. He normally wakes up a happy chappy, normally humming or chatting to himself which is when we go and get him out of bed.

Today MIL comes over and announces that she is worried and has been having sleepless nights about DS sleeping in a pitch black room. She is concerned that he is waking up disorientated and scared in addition, that as she has never heard of a toddler sleeping so much during the day that we are leaving him to lay in his bed in the pitch black unnecessarily. I could have swung for her.

I am not the most confident of mothers and these remarks have really bothered me. Aside from asking you AIBU to tell her to mind her own business fuck off I'm concerned that my DS may have something wrong with him to still have these long naps. Aside from not talking much DS is meeting all his development milestones and is an energetic and mostly happy toddler (with the exception of the odd tantrum!).

AIBU and should I be concerned about the length of his naps?

Of course you mustn't take any notice of her - one of my grandsons slept for similar times - sometimes longer - he used to go down about 2 and at the weekend he'd often sleep for 3 hours and be ready for bed again at 7. His sister though was another story - try to keep your patience with MIL - just tell her it works for DS and that's the main thing. Maybe get her some blackout blinds so she can't lay awake worrying................

You are doing great. My 2.5 yr old still naps for 3 hours even though he sleeps 8-7 in the night.. and doesn't look like he'll be giving it up soon Carry on doing whatever works for you and your child!

My DS is 16 months. Currently sleeps 7-7ish and naps for about 2.5 hours 12.30-3. Most of his toddler friends have similar sleep patterns and it's totally normal as far as I've been told. He's averaging 14.5 hours sleep per day which is the same as your DS just a slightly different sleep pattern. He also sleeps in a dark room, no blackout blinds but thick curtains although he does have a small nightlight and white noise playing.

If it works for you and DS then stick with it. You could probably try and move him gradually to a one nap pattern by moving the morning nap later and then bedtime earlier. I definitely prefer that sleeping pattern as I like the child free evenings and there's no way my DS would take 2 naps a day (I mourned the loss of the morning nap) but its what works for your child and your family.

I also mourned the loss of the morning nap when dd was around 15 months. And yes, I think it sounds sensible to push the morning nap later and bedtime earlier as your ds will get very tired once he drops one of his naps, which must be soon.

Interestingly, my dd slept in pitch darkness as a baby but decided to sleep with the light on when she was very young. I don't know exactly what age she was as she was unable to verbalise it so she must have been pretty young. At any rate, she was still in her cot and could reach the light switch. From then on, she adamantly refused to sleep with the light off. So we used a small lamp. She's 8 now and has been back to darkness for some time. Although I do give her a sliver of light to wake up to in the mornings when I go downstairs as she would freak out otherwise.

We had blackout hours as otherwise waking at 3 in summer in Scotland. Kids get used to the bedtime routine you give them. My kids slept well with dark and no noise, my step kids were used to night light and radio or story on CD player to go to sleep.
Sleeping in the dark is better for your melatonin levels.

Blackout blinds

Sleeping in pitch dark is good for you! I was just reading a study on it. :) You're fine, carry on.

How about a tinkly laugh and a passive aggressive 'oh things were funny in your day before all the research into sleeping'.

Your MIL's remarks are not about your son but about herself. If you have a "sleeper" you are very lucky. Ask your DH talks to her to suggest she addresses her own sleep issues with a supply of good books, loading up her Kindle or buying some box sets for the early hours. Or, see if she could try putting Woman's Hour on iplayer - sends me off a treat. Make practical suggestions but otherwise ignore her.

Suggest to your MIL that she gets a GP checkup. If she is SO anxious she cannot sleep, then maybe she needs to be properly assessed for an underlying condition?

Sleep is when our brains process memories and grow new connections. With that much lovely sleep (jealous) your ds is on track to be a genius.

Nothing to worry about at all.

Both DC had blackout blinds up for years. Also slept with door shut until morning. It was all they ever knew. Great sleepers. Ignore her.

Dd slept solid from two weeks old. At 18 months she would wake at seven, have a morning nap, afternoon nap and be in bed for half six. She still needed a afternoon nap at four and a half.
Always slept with black out blinds.
She nearly ten now, sleeps from half eight to half seven.
Some children just need more sleep.

I think all the comments about sleep are ignoring the issue here.
She has turned up in your house and accused you of not looking after your child.
This is really really rude.
What does your DH think - or is he brow beaten into accepting it?
Part of me thinks you should have stood up more for SIL over the years.
You need to have a retort prepared for next time she accuses you like this. But not about the merits of blackout blinds - more generic on the lines of "It's very hurtful that you think i would harm my child" Or something on those lines - other mumsnetters will come up with something more pithy.

Off topic, but these comments about how much your children sleep are making me want to weep! Mine never had naps of over a few minutes at that age, and still woke several times a night. I am still traumatised ten years on. Am extremely jealous OP - carry on the good work!

She's just an ignorant bitch stuck in the old days. Probably feels a bit useless too seeing how well u r doing. Fuck her.

Kick her in the vag. You're doing great

Do people really talk like this? How on earth do you get through life being so aggressive?

Some of the responses here are very unnecessary and OTT.

DS2 is nicknamed mini gonk (DP is ex army and its army slang for sleeping a lot, he was known as gonk) because he loves his sleep! Sleeps 8pm til 6am and then naps between 12 and 3 and he's 2 1/2, his 3 year old sister is the same (only naps if she's really tired) and eldest DS loves his kip too. Just ignore your MIL, she's being unnecessarily nasty.

DH isn't brow beaten into accepting the comments but was also caught unawares as to the 'concern' and bearing in mind neither of us want to fuel the issue nor let it become a habit we haven't responded immediately. We're going to set things straight today.

Justhappy3- I did stick up for my SIL when it was appropriate and I could. Other times I'd change the subject/wane interest as I'm not interested in tittle tattle, life's too short.

I don't understand the significance of your MIL being a teacher.

I am a teacher. If asked, I could give advice if your child was having difficulty with reading, found maths tricky, held a pencil in an unusual way etc. I'm not a sleep expert.

Oh I'm so jealous of your sleep routine. I'd give ny right arm for that .

Whatever you're doing it's working. Don't change A thing. You and your d's are doing brilliantly. Keep going, thank your lucky stars and ignore the bad advice!! Oh and enjoy all of that lovely, lovely sleep...

Temporarily

I think mil is of the school ma'am ilk. Op is likening her behaviour to this especially in light of her former profession. You don't sound at all like op is describing her mil.

My twins had blackout blinds, and napped in the afternoon until well over 3. Stop second guessing yourself, it sounds as if you routine works perfectly doe your little one.

There is massive research on how children and young adults do NOT have enough sleep and the negative effect it has on behaviour and learning.

Yanbu

She sounds deluded. If I worked it out correctly your 18 month old is getting 14.5h sleep a day. That's perfectly normal. My 18 month old gets 13.5h on average so they're pretty similar. And she has an absolutely pitch black room, what's wrong with that? She likes it and sleeps like a log in there.