Livid with MIL

[Chocness]

Background to this is that I have a 18 month old DS who I thank my lucky stars has always been a good sleeper. His current sleep pattern is:

Wakes 6.30am
Naps 10-12.30 ish
Naps 4-5.30 ish
Bedtime at 8pm. Sleeps through most nights with the exception of illness/teething etc

His room has a blackout blind up at the window and we close his door when he goes to bed. His room is dark but not pitch black to the point he can find his own dummy or lovey when needed. He normally wakes up a happy chappy, normally humming or chatting to himself which is when we go and get him out of bed.

Today MIL comes over and announces that she is worried and has been having sleepless nights about DS sleeping in a pitch black room. She is concerned that he is waking up disorientated and scared in addition, that as she has never heard of a toddler sleeping so much during the day that we are leaving him to lay in his bed in the pitch black unnecessarily. I could have swung for her.

I am not the most confident of mothers and these remarks have really bothered me. Aside from asking you AIBU to tell her to mind her own business fuck off I'm concerned that my DS may have something wrong with him to still have these long naps. Aside from not talking much DS is meeting all his development milestones and is an energetic and mostly happy toddler (with the exception of the odd tantrum!).

AIBU and should I be concerned about the length of his naps?

Children vary in the amount of sleep they need, the 'normal' range is quite wide. If you're worried Google it but I would think your child is probably sleeping a perfectly normal number of hours for his age. Darkness is healthy (for adults as well as babies). We need it for proper melatonin production - this is one reason why it's recommended to switch off from using / watching screens at least an hour before bed. Stick with the blackout blinds! If the baby was upset or disorientated he would howl!!

"Oh I've been having sleepless nights."

"Really? You should try a blackout blind..."

Yes. Please say this. Lovely and politely and conversationally too.

DS1 used to love his sleep (still does) slept 7-7/8 then had a 2-3 hour nap until he was 3. I remember people commenting it wasn't normal & feeling concerned at the time but now he is 5 & I realise he just loves & needs his sleep (frequently asks to go to bed when he gets tired ) otherwise he's happy & healthy & energetic!

Don't listen to MIL you know your own child & it sounds like you are doing a great job. & have him settled in a routine that suits him.

Sounds fine - at that age my son slept from about 6.30 pm to 8.30 am, then a nap 10-12 and another nap 3-4. He was a super cheerful baby and is now a very easy going 15 year old.

ThinkOfTheMice :o

Honestly, what a drama queen she is.

Sleeping in the dark is good for your body, relying on nightlights isnt really good for decent sleep.

It also helps later on with being dry at night (something to do with the brain detecting no light and switching off the wee hormones)

Yes get her to read up on how good dark is for sleeping

I thought fear of the dark came later anyway? Do not be influenced! you are doing fine.

At least you have one less thing to worry about....choosing MILs xmas present will be a doddle....she obviously is missing a blackout blind in her life!

Sounds like a lot of sleep to me but I don't think there's a problem - certainly not with the blinds! As long as baby is naturally sleeping rather than being made to cry to sleep then I think it's fine. Personally though, I wouldn't be happy with those times just because so much of the day is missed. I'd be trying to move to a earlier bedtime (say 7pm) with a later morning wake and only one nap.

Yes, I can remember hearing similar, Raver.

Something to do with a thingy-majiggy gland in our brains and releasing melatonin or sum-such.

Don't quote me, though. :o

It is not a 'generation thing'. And some of the comments on here are unnecessarily unpleasant. I also don't see this as something to be 'livid' about.

The OP's DS is obviously a good sleeper and is more than happy with his sleeping arrangements.

Just smile and nod and carry on doing what you're doing.

To be honest, I'm not sure why you're so bothered, as you clearly don't like or respect your ILs very much.

Muppets?

Livid? Really? You need to get a grip.

I have always loved my bed. According to my mam I would happily sleep/nap/doze whenever the opportunity arose nothing much has changed .

Then she had twins. That was a bit of a shock.

OP, your child is happy and healthy so have confidence that you're doing things right for him. He'd soon let you know if things weren't right.

And just smile and nod at the mil. It's not worth falling out over. Save that for bigger matters.

You're doing the right thing OP by allowing your DC to sleep when he needs to. He won't sleep more than he needs to and if you try to reorganise his schedule to cut down on his sleep he'll be unhappy. It's proven that children who have insufficient sleep paradoxically find it harder to sleep.
I expect in a few months he'll be waking earlier from his naps and indicating he doesn't need as much daytime sleep.
Latest research also indicates that for optimum eye health we should sleep in the dark.
Good luck telling MIL she's out of date.

Shouldn't be having long naps?

Rubbish! Enjoy it while it lasts - the day will come when getting baby to bed will be a 2 hour struggle.

And blackout blinds are WONDERFUL!

(Does your MIL think that children in third world countries have a glowworm for a nightlight or something? And yet they manage to sleep.)

Count your lucky stars you have a toddler who sleeps.
My daughter had a similar sleep pattern right up until she went to school when she just turned 4!
Maybe your MIL is having trouble sleeping, not due to the worry, but because she too needs black out blinds?! 😊

Babies coped for thousands of years with pitch black before the invention of street lighting and other forms of light pollution.

Idiot? Ignorant bitch? Kick her in the vag?

Im with ExcuseMyEyebrows.

Whilst I absolutely agree that your MIL should wind her neck in I most certainly do not agree that she deserves to be spoken about like that.

I despair sometimes when I read responses on here...

The whole of France - where I'm from - sleeps in pitch black curtesy of wooden shutters or metallic shutters...

My MIL comes up with the same crap. She nearly passed out when she saw me feeding DD brie (pasteurised from the supermarket), MIL and FIL were beside themselves when my DD kept talking about poo (that's not normal), and wrote a long threatening email to DH last year when DD said the word "willy" (how could a child aged 6 possibly know what a willy is?)

And I call them muppets too by the way!

You are an awesome mum don't let them get to you.

MIL and FIL were beside themselves when my DD kept talking about poo (that's not normal),
Lol, they'd love my two then. Absolutely OBSESSED with poo, wee, farts and can get themselves into hysterical laughter over them.
Totally normal if you ask me.

Livid? Really? You need to get a grip.
I'm assuming the OP was just venting and used a strong word to hammer the point home how distressing it is to hear that kind of shit.
Hearing other people telling you what you should be doing, your way isn't right, haven't you thought of doing it this way instead would get pretty wearing. A new mum feels particularly vulnerable.
Just no need for it.

Of course talking about poo is normal! Calling someone a giant poohead is the hugest insult.

People are just weird.

My own DS and my DGS both had similar sleep patterns and naps. It was bliss Both my DDs gave up naps way too early for my liking!

My 21 month lg normally has a 3osh hour nap from 11-2. She goes to bed at 7 and gets up at 8. There are days she could do with a nap at around 4 but then she refuses to eat haha. She used to sleep in the dark until OH decided it was a great idea to put a nightlight in when I was in hospital having my 2nd lg, now she won't sleep with out the light. My lb is 5 nearly six and won't sleep in the dark either. Keep the dark and if your lb is happy to sleep that much tell her to butt out!

YADNBU, she is. My DS 21 months has a similar sleep pattern and is the happiest wee boy ever! He doesn't have a black out blind but dark purple lined curtains and blinds. Sometimes he will take his naps on the sofa. Just humour her as it isn't worth falling out over. Silly woman!
And don't forget, babies absolutely thrive when they are sleeping! They need so much of it to accommodate all that growing they have to do!