Livid with MIL

[Chocness]

Background to this is that I have a 18 month old DS who I thank my lucky stars has always been a good sleeper. His current sleep pattern is:

Wakes 6.30am
Naps 10-12.30 ish
Naps 4-5.30 ish
Bedtime at 8pm. Sleeps through most nights with the exception of illness/teething etc

His room has a blackout blind up at the window and we close his door when he goes to bed. His room is dark but not pitch black to the point he can find his own dummy or lovey when needed. He normally wakes up a happy chappy, normally humming or chatting to himself which is when we go and get him out of bed.

Today MIL comes over and announces that she is worried and has been having sleepless nights about DS sleeping in a pitch black room. She is concerned that he is waking up disorientated and scared in addition, that as she has never heard of a toddler sleeping so much during the day that we are leaving him to lay in his bed in the pitch black unnecessarily. I could have swung for her.

I am not the most confident of mothers and these remarks have really bothered me. Aside from asking you AIBU to tell her to mind her own business fuck off I'm concerned that my DS may have something wrong with him to still have these long naps. Aside from not talking much DS is meeting all his development milestones and is an energetic and mostly happy toddler (with the exception of the odd tantrum!).

AIBU and should I be concerned about the length of his naps?

DD has blackout blinds and has done since she was tiny, because, you know, people are different and some need dark and quiet to sleep and some don't. I can fall asleep in bright sunlight, probably on a rollercoaster, if I just close my eyes. I have frequently slept though actual fire alarms. DH has a whole array of earplugs, blindfolds, T shirts (over his head in addition to blindfold). DD just takes after him.

If your MIL complains again, just keep repeating 'this is what works for us, DS is very happy' and ignore any further comment. You actually sound like you are doing GREAT. So bollocks to everyone else. Whatever works for you and DS.

Just ignore her, all children are different. My kids were exactly the same, very similar sleeping patterns and right up to being 3 or 4 but like yours were never the sort to sleep easily anywhere but their bed. I had to put my foot down with MIL that I really didn't believe in waking a sleeping child, if they wanted to sleep for 3 hours in the afternoon, they could, they still went to bed at the same time at night no problem and I never had a problem with them waking in the night or too early in the morning. My children just liked to sleep!

bloody hell some people really don't have enough to worry about. if everyone in the world put their problems in a pot and shared them out equally does she think she'd be worse off or better off?

i'd be thrilled if any of my kids slept that much. his routine and environment are clearly very conducive to a good night's sleep! long may that continue...

Not read all the replies. Don't worry, seriously all of what I've just read sound totally normal to me for 18 months!
An 18 month old will usually still have a morning and afternoon nap. Totally normal.
As for blackout blinds - absolutely nothing wrong with those either - we used them for ds1 as he was always a seriously early riser and used to be up at 4 or 5am
Let MIL stew and worry about nothing, she's being barking. Mentally roll your eyes at her and let her get on with it. As you say, your ds wakes up happy, has comforter and dummy to hand, so doesn't sound anything at all to worry about! If he was unhappy, he'd let you know.
I know how upsetting it can be to hear stupid stuff like your MIL comes out with though. You know your ds is fine though so ignore her.

Sounds perfect to me and just like my DS!

We also have some travel blinds, which I now use whenever we are away as I can't sleep unless it's dark dark dark!

Love that Mummyoflittledragon, spot on! Will get DH searching for those tonight, serves him right for leaving me to respond to MIL's drivvle today. Bloody woman!!!

Thanks again everyone for your views, very much appreciated 💐

Your MIL sounds a bit manipulative ''oh ive been having sleepless nights''
and a drama queen.

Clearly she lives a charmed life if this tosh is the kind of stuff she worries about

She needs to be told to back off IMO

Apparently most toddlers need 11-14 hours sleep in a 24 hour period and your ds is having around 14.5 but he's probably having less than that. A lot of babies and toddlers will wake in the night for a while so he might only be having 14 or less. Perfectly normal!
If you wanted him to Nap less you could try to have him sleep 7-7 but it might not work for him and if you're both happy I don't see the problem. Wish my 3 month old would Nap like that

My mother was never a teacher but definitely of the school ma'am Ilk so I'm right there with you..... Drives me insane. I do wonder if it is because she/they desperately want you to ask for advice and you don't. Mine used to give insolicited and often ludicrous advice constantly. Not so much now dd is older. Perhaps you could ask for some innocuous advice from time to time and see if that appeases.

Unsolicited- typo where was autocorrect when you need it?!

Some older people hate anything 'new'

Mine hated that I used biodegradable naps and limited salt in DDs food - both were dangerous in various batshit ways.

DD slept 12 hours a night and had 2.5 to 3 hours during the day. She's 7, she still needs a lot of sleep, it's how she is. Just as some kids don't!

"Oh I've been having sleepless nights."

"Really? You should try a blackout blind..."

My DM has issues with our DDs having blackout blinds. She also has various ideas about how we should put them to bed and has a habit of buying stuff to help their bedtimes (nightlights, music players) and installing them in their rooms before we have a chance to ask her not to. This tends to result in unsettling them at bedtime, which is decidedly unhelpful. She also provides advice regularly and when she is particularly emphatic about something she tells me that my DDad has said it as he's really concerned. We mostly ignore.

At 18mths children are doing lots of growing and are developing their physical skills, walking/running which can tire them out. He's sleeping for 14.5 hrs in total which sounds fine. My 8 and 12 year olds sleep almost 12 hrs !
Black out blinds are amazing and letting children sleep in the dark is actually good for them as it properly sets their body clock to day and night.

Your MIL being a former teacher is not her reason for sticking her bib in and giving unasked for 'advice' She'd probably be doing it regardless, she'll just be using the teacher angle to pull rank and try to get you to listen to her. If it wasn't the sleeping it would be something else.

Your DH needs to have a word with her.

Stupid woman. Ignore her. I've had blackout blinds and curtains since I was in my mid 20s and wouldn't be without them or very dark curtains now!

Since when God make her the authority on your son??!!

YANBU. Tell the meddling cow to back off. If something was wrong I doubt he'd be waking up so sunny.

My nephew has always loved his sleep and even aged 5 would have a nap every day if he could! My point is that all dc are different. Yours sounds wonderfully sorted.

He may come to dislike the dark in future - when dc reach about 3 they get more aware of things,. and both mine went through a 'scared of the dark' phase - but not till then!

Ignore silly MIL.

Oh tell her to piss off - not only is she wrong but she is out of order to be voicing her opinion. I am a MIL and would not dream of saying any such thing - who does she think she is?

If he's not happy he'll cry for you isn't that what babies do.
Ps My dd is similar at night dark and wakes slowly in the morning, often "reads" her book for a while...

You should buy her a black out blind for Christmas since she's having problems sleeping !

Great idea 8misskitty8, she bloody deserves that!!

It's none of her damn business. Maybe she needs reminding who the mum is here😡

Ignore her, my DD used to sleep like this and given half the chance still would. When she started school she was very young in reception and couldn't cope without a doze so the headmistress used to set up a little bed in her office and let her have a 20-30min nap after lunch! She's 11 now, still needs her sleep and will regularly have a nap at weekends! X

We don't have blackout blinds. We don't need them because we are in deepest, rural Cornwall, when there is no moon it is as dark as it is possible to be. When DS was tiny, I sometimes used to hear him chatting quite happily to himself in the middle of the night.

Children are only afraid of the dark because we teach them to be.

Sleeping pattern sounds great. Some babies do actually sleep during rhe night and nap in the day too. All three of mine did too. We had blackout curtains ans when we put them to bed they slept well. It sounds like you have it just right - take no notice of MIL.