Staying with mil

[ManInYourClothes]

We have agreed with mil that whilst renovating our new house we (dh, myself and dd) will stay with her until early Feb.

She has today sent a list of 'rules' proposing the rent to be 500pcm (we are in a small double with dd). We are not allowed to use the cooker or washing machine but the microwave is free for our use . We must first knock before entering the lounge after 6pm and our showers must be taken before 8am or after 7pm (no baths).

I spoke to her last week about the two single beds currently in the room she wants us in (the smallest of 4 doubles she lives in a 5 bed house). I asked if we could bring our own bed or at least the mattress to put on top, answer was no they will have to be pushed together.. no other reason given.

I have said to dh that I dont think I can live like that and want to find an alternative. He reckons this is all normal and everyone has ground rules. What do you all think?

We lived with mil and fil for 3 months when we were between houses. Dh worked for fil at the time and had early starts otherwise it would have been easier for us to live with my parents.

I worked in the same place as mil. She wouldn't offer me a lift to work. But would expect one if I drove in.

We had a tv in our room which I was expected to watch "my shows" on. If I was home alone and watched the big tv then the minute they came back the tv would be turned over.

Fil tutted everytime I finished a drink and left the cup on the side table (if I was sat on the couch). I was meant to put it straight in the dishwasher after finishing. I did put them there eventually just once I got up. Not immediately after finishing the last drop.

I was expected to do our washing (fine no problem with this) but wasn't allowed to touch mil or fils washing. Twice I dared empty the machine put their stuff out to dry or in the dryer and picked in and folded for them. So I could use the machine.

After the second time I was told under no uncertain terms that I wasn't to touch their things.

If I cooked dh would wash up. But they thought I was mean to "make him" I also wasn't allowed to use the dishwasher.

I found our flat very quickly.

My advice: Airbnb's/winter let's/ cardboard box on the street. Do not even entertain the batshit.

Either she is batshit or she really does not want you there. Either way, it's fairly obvious you need to make other arrangements.

If you come back OP, please everyone's advice and find alternative accommodation. Your MIL is clearly a few sandwiches short of a picnic. I thought my family were weird

em 'She wouldn't offer me a lift to work. But would expect one if I drove in.' I hope you didn't oblige?!?

Oh God we did this for 3 months without children and 2.5 weeks with children on our 2nd build. First time we were pregnant. So was my SIL. Basically all my MiL wanted to do was take care of my SIL she would go to her house in the evenings and we weren't 'allowed' to eat until she got home often after 9pm. After 13 hours in work I wasn't allowed to use the kitchen. There were kitchen cupboards I weren't to go in. We even had to move out of our room when older BiL and his wife came to stay. The second time round it was a short period of time before we found a flat. 2.5 weeks. I found a chap who was looking to rent his place out in a casual manner as he was trying to sell it and didn't want formal tenants. It worked well was near the school and round the corner from our house so I could check on the builders. I posted on local Facebook pages and his wife contacted me to say she might be able to help

Fuck that for a laugh. My parents have generously allowed us to live with them whilst we save for a deposit. Nice sized double room, a room upstairs to use for our own living room, free access to everything downstairs (main living space, play space for nephew which we can use for baby and kitchen), space for our fridge downstairs too. We're paying a token amount for that. I've lived in lodging situations with similar rules to what you MIL wants to inflict and it was dire. Staying cooped up in one room is fucking horrible, you'll get very depressed with it very quickly!

saphire sometimes I did. But made it clear that she'd have to find her own way home.

(The days I drove were the days I was going to the gym or seeing my parents for dinner).

She never liked that either.

Find elsewhere or your relationship with your MIL will be irreparably damaged

There's no relationship to damage as far as I can see.

However it may be the difference between an armed truce and open hostilities

She never liked that either.

Good!

Don't do it- you'll regret it enormously

I don't think she wants you there to place restrictions on you and her grandchild sound insane.

What are you expected to eat? You could surely find more suitable accommodation for 500 a month. If you're willing to live with no showers, no washing machine, makeshift beds and microwave meals you could stay in your own house and save a few grand.

Has the op come back?

Good grief.

DH has been staying with his MIL (e.g. my DMum!) since January rent free. We all joined him in July. Each DD has her own bedroom, DH and I have our own bathroom, we contribute a bit to leccy and gas, and I am doing all the food shopping / cooking / laundry / housework but that's it. We watch TV together, eat together, chat, spend time in the same parts of the house. We are living as a FAMILY because we ARE one.

Hearts

Well said - thank God there are still some sane parents in the world.

Why wouldn't you want to go, it all sounds so idyllic, you're all being made to feel so very welcome. Your poor child. I pity you all. It's a fucking recipe for disaster, she's obviously a twisted bitch of some kind. I'd go live under the embankment before I'd move in with her. She's not dealing with a full deck. My house would have to be condemned, and even then I wouldn't consider it. I know your renovating,but for goodness sake find somewhere else.

YANBU! I could understand some rules for easy living when in your in laws home but none of that makes sense, especially given the high cost of "rent". Can you not get a short-term rental in your area for a reasonable cost? If not I would remain in your home during the work rather than live with your MIL. Her rules seem so unreasonable is she actually imposing them to deter you moving in!?

I am still wondering what goes on in the sitting room after 6? Have we found out yet? I won't be able to sleep.

OP, dont do it. It is not remotely normal.
Sleep in a tent in your garden if you have to, you'll be happier.

We had my DS, his DP and my DGD stay with us for over a year. They bought most, not all, of their own food and had complete use of the house. We didn't take a penny because we could afford not to. I don't have an issue with your MIL charging although it's a bit steep, but making you knock on a living room door? WTF.
No. Just fuck no.

This is not normal. She sounds unhinged!

Your husband need his head examined if he thinks this is normal. Wonder what sort of issues he must have from living with such a narsistic bitch.

Btw when I stay with my parents, which is abt at least 6 weeks a year, I pay zilch!!!! They do all our washing, cooking and look after the kids! So we just get to have fun!

I love going back to my parents. It's like a holiday with lots of love and happy times and being looked after.

What a C**t! You're not allowed to use washing machine or the cooker? Or tap on lounge door? Who the fuck does this woman think she is?

Even in London u could rent a decent room in a house for this money and have more freedom?

What is she running? A b&b or a prison????? This does not sound like a welcoming home! I feel for ur husband having grown up with this complete freak.

Why would anyone pay £500 a month to live somewhere they're clearly not wanted, made to feel as uncomfortable as possible, banned from using the appliances? You'd have to be mad to accept this.

Imperialblether
I was thinking the very same thing! I wonder!!!