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Original poster

Staying with mil

136 replies

ManInYourClothes · 05/11/2016 10:40

We have agreed with mil that whilst renovating our new house we (dh, myself and dd) will stay with her until early Feb.

She has today sent a list of 'rules' proposing the rent to be 500pcm (we are in a small double with dd). We are not allowed to use the cooker or washing machine but the microwave is free for our use Hmm. We must first knock before entering the lounge after 6pm and our showers must be taken before 8am or after 7pm (no baths).

I spoke to her last week about the two single beds currently in the room she wants us in (the smallest of 4 doubles she lives in a 5 bed house). I asked if we could bring our own bed or at least the mattress to put on top, answer was no they will have to be pushed together.. no other reason given.

I have said to dh that I dont think I can live like that and want to find an alternative. He reckons this is all normal and everyone has ground rules. What do you all think?

OP posts:
autumnintheair · 05/11/2016 11:35

I have on occasion hosted students in our house and never had any ground rules at all for them except to make sure the front door is properly shut - as its tricky and we have a toddler.

I think more than anything the really sad point here is your DH thinks this is ok and normal. He has been subjugated to that degree. Sad
Obviously there is simply no way at all you can possibly stay there. I agree you can find holiday lets for cheaper esp at this time of year - you can get a deal somewhere pretty and lovely and cheaper and with freedom.

Mummyme1987 · 05/11/2016 11:38

I wouldn't even charge my kids to stay. Only to pay for their food. My house is their home until they grow old. Even after they have moved out and got married.

BeccaAnn · 05/11/2016 11:38

Hella NO! find somewhere else!! i bet a holiday let would loved to have income over the winter months. good luck x

ajandjjmum · 05/11/2016 11:41

When DH and I started our business, we stayed with my parents for over two years rent free. DM also did our laundry and meals. We were very lucky that they were willing and able to help us so much, but even had we needed to contribute, I know that they would have done what they could to make it as easy as possible.

She clearly doesn't want you there.

ChasedByBees · 05/11/2016 11:42

The cost she's charging you should have a full house with full use of the appliances. Why is she wanting to rip you off and make things so difficult for you?

EnoughAlready43 · 05/11/2016 11:45

What a cunt.
i wouldn't give her satisfaction of moving in.
Find some where else to crash.

SemiNormal · 05/11/2016 11:45

I think more than anything the really sad point here is your DH thinks this is ok and normal. He has been subjugated to that degree. - THIS! Your poor DH, this is by no means normal.

Chottie · 05/11/2016 11:46

Do not move in x 1000 times. Your MiL sounds very controlling.

LetsAllEatCakes · 05/11/2016 11:47

It's fair enough to ask you to contribute financially but those rules are ludicrous and make it a piss take that she's asking for that.

Look for an alternative. She either doesn't want you there or wants to take the piss. OR both.

2kids2dogsnosense · 05/11/2016 11:51

No way would I stop there under those conditions.

I'd rather live in the rubble of my home and dig my way through the renovations on a daily basis.

You're family - why is she looking to make a profit out of you? £500 for rent and you can't sit in the living room, have a bath, use the cooker or washing machine etc etc etc? Stuff that for a game of soldiers! You can't even cook a proper meal or do your laundry!

Get somewhere else (as someone has said, even a Travel Lodge gives more freedom.

If your DH insists you move in, ignore her Draconian regulations - cook what you like, use the washing machine, and leave a ring around the bath.

She sounds dreadful!

EweAreHere · 05/11/2016 11:51

Don't do it.

It will destroy your relationship with her. And possibly the relationship you have with your DH.

Don't do it. Find a short term let.

EweAreHere · 05/11/2016 11:52

Amazing brass neck though. Wants £500/month, but with heavy restrictions on actually 'living' while you're living there.

No thank you.

Run.

Katedotness1963 · 05/11/2016 11:53

It sounds like a nightmare. Can you look for a short term let?

mammybops · 05/11/2016 11:53

If we had to stay with MIL she'd offer her home freely but we'd insist on covering at least the extra cost having us stay would incur.

Your MIL is neither reasonable or normal in her request. Even a one bedroom furnished flat as a short term let would be a better option than her proposition.

Good luck!

Greengoddess12 · 05/11/2016 11:53

Unbelivable

ijustwannadance · 05/11/2016 11:58

Are there double beds in the other 3 spare rooms? Why are you in the smallest?

Rent somewhere else for 3 months.

BratFarrarsPony · 05/11/2016 12:00

How can you not use the cooker or washing machine?
She sounds horrible and/or batshit.
Find somewhere else!

JosephineMaynard · 05/11/2016 12:11

This does not sound normal at all. I can't imagine either my parents or PILs coming up with "ground rules" like that if we had to stay with either of them for an extended period. We'd probably have to insist on them taking our money to cover the extra costs our stay would incur too.

I think asking for rent to cover extra utility costs associated with your stay is fair enough, although £500/month for lodgings would be very much on the high side round here unless it includes food.

The rest of your MILs rules sound extremely unreasonable, and would have me thinking that she doesn't want you there at all but doesn't want to just say no for whatever reason. I'd look into alternative accommodation.

N0tfinished · 05/11/2016 12:11

We stayed with MIL this summer during renovations. She wouldn't take any money at all (I did all the grocery shopping against her wishes, just kept the fridge & larder stocked). She was so kind & revelled in having a big busy household again. She kept the boys whenever we had bits to do at the house, with great enthusiasm. My DS2 has ASD & is non-verbal, so we made big ripples where ever we go!

You would be CRAZY to go through with this. Find a short term let.

whirlwinds · 05/11/2016 12:13

I would even look at mobile homes rather then live under conditions like that. I had similar rules while living abroad for studies, rent with meals was costly, free use of bath/shower though but no access to lounge or other areas then my room, and kitchen for mealtimes. Had to carry my clothes to the campus and wash them there, and was glad to be gone from there though the family was nice enough. The important factor here is 1) this wasn't family, unlike your situation 2) I was one person, not a family with what I presume to be a younger child 3) It was tough enough with rules everywhere and spent too much time locked up in that room, was fine as well because I was a student and spent time studying. But again I was one person and could escape to meet up with friends or to the campus when needing a break.

Mrskeats · 05/11/2016 12:13

I thought this was a joke for a minute.
Not a chance I would do this; it will drive you nuts. How are you supposed to cook for your dd and do laundry.
Very weird and greedy. Just rent somewhere

LindyHemming · 05/11/2016 12:18

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

autumnintheair · 05/11/2016 12:27

My house is their home until they grow old. Even after they have moved out and got married same here

I'd rather live in the rubble of my home and dig my way through the renovations on a daily basis

crying with laughter Grin same here.

Thinkingblonde · 05/11/2016 12:34

No way is this normal and these aren't ground rules. Look for somewhere else. It depends on where you live but I bet you could rent a flat or a small 2 bed house for that money. Ask your friends if they know of anyone with a place they could rent to you. My friend did this when her house was flooded. Insurance paid for a hotel for a few weeks but they wanted to be in a house but didn't want to sign up for a six month lease. They found a landlord willing to let them do a Monthly let, he was between tenants and didn't mind letting to them as it meant he wasn't losing any money by having the property empty.

gleam · 05/11/2016 12:36

No.