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AIBU?

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Original poster

Staying with mil

136 replies

ManInYourClothes · 05/11/2016 10:40

We have agreed with mil that whilst renovating our new house we (dh, myself and dd) will stay with her until early Feb.

She has today sent a list of 'rules' proposing the rent to be 500pcm (we are in a small double with dd). We are not allowed to use the cooker or washing machine but the microwave is free for our use Hmm. We must first knock before entering the lounge after 6pm and our showers must be taken before 8am or after 7pm (no baths).

I spoke to her last week about the two single beds currently in the room she wants us in (the smallest of 4 doubles she lives in a 5 bed house). I asked if we could bring our own bed or at least the mattress to put on top, answer was no they will have to be pushed together.. no other reason given.

I have said to dh that I dont think I can live like that and want to find an alternative. He reckons this is all normal and everyone has ground rules. What do you all think?

OP posts:
hummingbird100 · 05/11/2016 10:58

Nope. Nope. Nope. No cooker or washing machine? And knocking before entering rooms? It will be stressful for you!

Iwasjustabouttosaythat · 05/11/2016 11:00

You need to put your foot down here. If it's this bad already can you even imagine all the weirdness when you actually live there? I almost want you to do it so you can report back! Grin

But actually I think you should try save your sanity and absolutely not do it.

Was she planning to wash your clothes and cook for you? Or are you supposed to add take out and laundromat fees to the rent? And what on earth does she do in her living room that requires you to give notice of your presence?

Joinourclub · 05/11/2016 11:01

Absolute madness. If I was to stay at my MILs there would be no rent , no rules, there would be a sit up cooked dinner most nights and she'd get up with the kids in the morning. She'd probably do all our washing too. She'd be DELIGHTED to have us there and would do everything she could to make us happy and comfortable. Your MIL sounds bonkers.

Morporkia · 05/11/2016 11:05

YANBU. she clearly doesn't want you to feel comfortable in her home or why would she impose such a ridiculous set of rules. is it very expensive to rent where you are? have to agree with pp's that travelodge/holiday let /tent in the park would be a better option. and also does the £500 include food and bills? i'm presuming no as you have a royal decree permission to use microwave. what does your DH think of her rules or is he used to her batshit behaviour?

FrancisCrawford · 05/11/2016 11:06

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

NicknameUsed · 05/11/2016 11:06

You could rent a small house in my area for that money.

I would look for somewhere else. She clearly doesn't want you there, and it would irreparably damage your relationship with each other.

Lovewineandchocs · 05/11/2016 11:08

Another vote for batshit here! Please don't do this! I'm quite worried that your DH thinks this is normal tbh. £500 pcm should get you somewhere that you don't have to cope with all that nonsense.

llangennith · 05/11/2016 11:08

Your MIL is nuts! Do not go there!!!
It really isn't normal. If my DC and family had to stay with me for a while it'd be a squeeze and lots of compromising but we'd manage.
Your MIL cannot really expect you not to use the cooker or washing machine let alone all the other 'rules'.

Bluntness100 · 05/11/2016 11:09

That's completely weird and is far from normal. Knocking before you enter the lounge? Not able to use the cooker? Do you all have to stay in your room or the kitchen in the evening?

I think she doesn't want you to stay. Unless she behaved like this always and that's why uour hubby thinks it's normal. Because it's really not.

NicknameUsed · 05/11/2016 11:12

Show him this thread. This is not normal behaviour in any way, shape or form.

Spadequeen · 05/11/2016 11:14

I reckon your dh is delusional. This is not normal. They are not ground rules.

You mil either doesn't want you there but sores that know how to say that or is batshit crazy. Possibly both.

Please show your dh this thread so he can see this is not normal.

For the sake of your sanity, marriage and any future relationship you may want with your il do not move in with them. Even if she relents and allows you use of the whole damn house. It will. It end well.

Spadequeen · 05/11/2016 11:14

It will not end well even!

HighwayDragon1 · 05/11/2016 11:16

No is a complete sentence. Find a short term 6 month rental property.

MoveOnTheCards · 05/11/2016 11:16

Totally weird. She really doesn't seem to want you to stay at hers (or is she always so 'welcoming' of house guests?!).

I would be checking out Airbnb or similar.

Good luck!

Creatureofthenight · 05/11/2016 11:16

Agreed she is not normal and completely unwelcoming.
I lived with PIL for a couple of months (without DH). Couldn't have been more welcoming.
How on earth does she expect you to do without a washing machine?
I think PP is right, she doesn't want you there.

Resideria · 05/11/2016 11:17

She's either vile or in the early stage of dementia. Don't stay with her!

Morporkia · 05/11/2016 11:17

imperialblether i have a weird memory for shit like that and remembered the thread title! sounds similar but slightly differs in that the MIL says they are looking to save money to buy a place, whereas OP is having renovations done....Grin

KitKatCHA · 05/11/2016 11:18

We stayed at my parents for 4 months over the summer while our house was being renovated. We paid £30 a week to cover extra electricity etc (5 of us), although they wouldn't take anything for the last 6 weeks. We got the whole of the upstairs for our use as they have a downstairs bedroom and could cook, use the washing machine whenever we liked. Then my mam even did the lions share of the decorating! Your mil sounds batshit crazy and I would urge you to seriously reconsider starting there. It was bad enough when we all got along, never mind starting of on the wrong foot like you will be.

DonaldTrumpsWig · 05/11/2016 11:26

What??? She is being totally unreasonable. Depending where you live you can rent a holiday cottage or flat cheaply at this time of year, with no long term commitment.

Trifleorbust · 05/11/2016 11:28

I would say to my DH that it's perfectly obvious we would not be staying somewhere where we couldn't use the cooker and had to knock to enter the lounge Hmm

She sounds insane.

AttilaTheMeerkat · 05/11/2016 11:29

You need to find alternative accommodation now, this is already unworkable and will damage your relationship with your H even further.

Your man has known his mother far longer than you have so regards this from her as normal behaviour. He probably does not want an argument at all because he will then have to confront his mother and he is more afraid of her than he is of you. He also still seeks her approval. His own inertia when it comes to her simply hurts him as well as you.

SpookyMooky · 05/11/2016 11:31

£500pcm is one thing, that much with no access to cooker or washing machine is quite another!

The shower rule could fall under your DH's argument - her electricity might be cheaper at those times - but no cooker or washing machine makes it a no brainer to say no. Which I suspect is exactly what she wants. Charming.

LeftRightUpDown · 05/11/2016 11:32

Does she expect you to use a launderette whilst you are with her and to live on take-aways ?

Liiinoo · 05/11/2016 11:32

My DD has boomeranged home and pays us 25% of her take home salary (a bit under £500) for a large double and the run of the house + food and laundry. When an old school friend was working locally she stayed here 2/3 nights a week and paid us £10 a night for a double room with ensuite. She had free use of the kitchen and sometimes spent the evening in the lounge without knocking. Your MIL sounds bossy, unwelcoming, greedy and batshit crazy.

CwtchesAndCuddles · 05/11/2016 11:33

That is crazy!!!!!

We stayed with my parents for 6 months while renovating our house. We covered the extra bills and paid our way. We all get on really well but it pushed our relationship to the edge - it was still very stressful for everyone.
This is arrangement is doomed before it starts - you would be a fool to even consider it.

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