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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

NOT to pay fo a Hen do that im not going on!!

29 replies

pinkranger · 12/02/2007 10:09

I was meant to be going on my SIL hen do to Scotland for the weekend in may but i have pulled due to the fact that i am pregnant and it will be a weekend of drink,drink and more drink ( normally would be great )

We had booked and apartment that worked out £60 each and flights, i have already paid £10 deposit for the accommodation and £70 flight, i am happy to accept that i will lose these but there is now talk that i pay the remanding money for the apartment which they would have booked anyway ??

All this will mean is that they all pay an extra £10 each - is that un reasonable ??

I am also the only one with a family and all the other have VERY good Jobs ??

what do you think ??

OP posts:
beansprout · 12/02/2007 10:12

If you had already said that you were going to go at the point where it was all booked and paid for, then it's only fair that you do pay for your share. You said you were going to go and now you have changed your mind. It gets tricky for other people if they have to keep paying for others. I appreciate that it's rough to pay for something you aren't going to go on though.

hana · 12/02/2007 10:12

hmm
I can see you point but if the accomodation has already bee booked for x number of people, and one pulls out, then the rest are out of pocket.

lets hope it's just talk and they'll see sense.

DrumMum · 12/02/2007 10:14

sorry... I'm with beansprout here.. you said you were going... you shared the cost between you... its not their fault you've backed out....

Original poster
pinkranger · 12/02/2007 10:15

i know i do feel bad in a way but this apartment was agreed upon even before numbers were confirmed ( if you see what i mean)

have just emailed sil so hopefully that will sought it out

OP posts:
KTeePee · 12/02/2007 10:16

Are you sure you don't want to go? - I know it won't be the same if you are not drinking but I went to my sister's hen weekend when I was pregnant. We went out for a meal, then pub and club afterwards. I did have a glass of wine or two and went back to the hotel early but I was glad I went....

sassy · 12/02/2007 10:18

Can they not find someone else to go in your place? If so, I'd send a bottle of champers with the bride as a fun gesture - 'with you in spirit' type thing.

If not, think you ought to pay really. Sorry.

piglit · 12/02/2007 10:18

I agree with the others. A similar thing happened to me when I couldn't go to a friend's hen weekend at the last minute because of work commitments. I wouldn't have dreamed of asking the others to pay more just because I couldn't go. And it's irrelevant that the others have more money than you.

If they agree to pay your share then fair enough but you can't expect them to.

JARM · 12/02/2007 10:18

I would say GO!!! Even if you dont drink, it is still a FAB opportunity to get away for the weekend, especially if you are going to have to pay anyway.

why lose £80 when you can make use of it?

Original poster
pinkranger · 12/02/2007 10:18

I did think about it but when they drink they really drink, and in a way a dont want to feel a burden and have them worring about me!

OP posts:
WideWebWitch · 12/02/2007 10:19

They are unreasonable, you're not going, they have to absorb the cost imo.

AngharadGoldenhand · 12/02/2007 10:19

Can't you get a refund on your flight?

Don't agree that you should pay for the apartment.

Original poster
pinkranger · 12/02/2007 10:20

Dont even mind losing the flight money or the deposit !

OP posts:
beansprout · 12/02/2007 10:21

I understand you not wanting to do. I don't drink and watching other people get drunk is really, really boring!

bran · 12/02/2007 10:31

Even if you can't get a refund on your flight you should be able to claim back the tax that you paid on the flight (although I'm not sure how you do this). I agree with the majority of the others that you should pay up if you have already agreed to. It's tough I know but imagine if you were going and several others pulled out, you rightfully annoyed at having to pay more because of them.

ernest · 12/02/2007 10:47

why not go with them but do your own thing? I agree being with people who are drinking hard and you're sober is boring. But you're pg, pos have at least 1 child already? The weekend break, having lie ins, doing some shopping etc might be fun and you could meet up with them for lunch or something?

If you choose not to go tho I think you should pay. It would be nice for them to offer to share the cost, but if they don't you should pay. I still say you should go tho. You may not get many chances of a bit of time to yourself. I know I get sod all.

fortyplus · 12/02/2007 10:53

I think if the apartment was agreed before the number of people going was known then it's not unreasonable to back out so far in advance. It would be different if it was only 2 or 3 weeks ahead.
But I agree with others - you should go and you'll have a good time.
Don't forget that she will be your sil for many years - you don't want to sour your relationship at this stage.

sunnysideup · 12/02/2007 11:09

I think you probably ought to pay, unless the others offer to cover the shortfall for you.

But don't feel pressured to go; I pulled out of a hen weekend when I was 7 months pregnant and the girls were all "oh, come on you're pregnant not ill" etc but when they came back they were ALL saying "good job you didn't come, the chalet was miles walk from anywhere, all we did was get drunk, you'd have been so bored"...and yet the pressure was really on beforehand - I would have had a miserable time, I'm sure.

I can understand you not wanting to go!

Paddlechick666 · 12/02/2007 11:26

you've paid your deposit and you should forfeit that but otherwise i'd say you shouldn't be responsible for the remainder.

however, i would be inclined to agree to go anyways. however, depends on how independent of a person your are in yourself as well.

if you're happy getting yourself home when you've had enough, expecting some drunken shennanigens when they get in and taking yourself off for your own entertainment whilst they get over their hangovers then i'd deff go!

mawbroon · 12/02/2007 11:51

Where and when is it pinkrnager? Why not see if there are any Mumsnetters in the area to meet up with? I'm in West Lothian which is between Glasgow and Edinburgh if that's any help?

Tommy · 12/02/2007 12:07

I would go anyway.
I wnet to my own hen night when I was pregnant - still had a great time

issyissyissy · 12/02/2007 12:15

Hi. Can you not agree to meet half way with the costs? Then neither is really losing out too much.
I did not go to a friends hen night after I had arranged it and we never got our friendship back to the same level.

Original poster
pinkranger · 12/02/2007 12:19

after ready all your comments i did email my sil to say that if need be i would pay for the cost but thankfully her cousion is going to go!!!!

Thank you for all your advice x

OP posts:
fortyplus · 12/02/2007 17:04

There you are, then! A good result all round - your sil will have appreciated the offer but you won't have to cough up as she's found someone else to go. Perfect

rookiemum · 12/02/2007 18:27

I would say go , its only fair if they have budgeted on a certain number of people going. Also once new babies arrived it will be a while before you get the chance again.

However make it very clear how tired you are, make your own arrangements for getting home from nights out and make sure you do not get conned into contributing to any kitties. I once went on a weekend when I wasn't well and ended up spending about £50.00 to drink two lime and sodas eat a £6.50 chilli then have to stay up until 2.00am because I wasn't allowed to get a taxi home out of the kitty because it was too expensive.

Frankola · 02/08/2019 19:35

If you have committed to this to the point you have paid deposits etc you should pay your share. It may only be 10 extra each bit that isn't the point.

It isn't the others responsibility to pay for you ducking out at the last minute.

This has just happened to me and a group of girls going on a hen in october. Its pay up deadline and now someone has decided they cannot go. The response they got on WhatsApp was a very emphatic "well we wont be paying for you so cough up". Its annoyed a lot of the group.

Pregnant or not, its the right thing to do.

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