Really offended by this comment, AIBU?

[tiredmum81]

I was collecting ds1 from school today, having a nice chat with a woman I know who is a child minder. She was telling me about the kids she is currently looking after. Then she says " you have my worst nightmare though, 2 boys! 1 is OK, but not 2!". I told my husband and he laughed, but I felt really upset to hear my children described as a nightmare. I mean, they can be at times, when they are noisy and driving me bonkers, but not because of their gender! Aibu to feel upset that people look at my children and judge them harshly because they are boys?

I don't think she was referring to your boys, just simply making a comment. I wouldn't be offended, my aunty had 3 boys and would say they were hard work, constantly bickering and just generally boisterous, that's generally what brothers are like?! Although me and my brother argued we weren't quite as bad as 3 boys together. I have 2 nephews and their mom would also say they're hard work, because they also constantly wind each other up and again are boisterous! She was probably just making a light hearted comment

She meant she wouldn't want 2 boys so that would be her nightmare, not that your sons specifically are a nightmare! She shouldn't have said it to a mother of 2 boys though! What a foot in mouth moment!

I'm regularly told my life is peoples nightmare as I have 3dds, the youngest being twins. My life doesn't feel like a nightmare

It sounds to me like she was making small talk, a lighthearted comment. Unless you witnessed her losing it with her mindees boys i dont see a problem.
Just to say, i have a boy and girl and he was a breeze compared to the little feisty madam!

I have two boys, having looked after dgd and taken a couple of girls to school on a regular basis I can safely say that I'm very relieved to have boys rather than girls.

You can if you like go through life taking offence at the most innocuous comments, but it's going to be a bumpy ride.

I think it was just a joke, based on her own experience. I can't see why you'd take this so personally myself.

imagine if she had said "you're a childminder?? Oh god that's my worst nightmare"

I'm a childminder and "people" (usually the parents of the children I'm caring for) say this all the time haha

Why would it be offensive? I'm very skilled, not everyone can (or would want to) do my job

I have two boys who are not a nightmare but they possibly have been at some point in the past 18 years

I wouldn't be offended, It wasn't personal. She was probably just trying to joke.
2 girls and 1 boy here and the boy has been the easiest.

It was most likely a throw away remark.

You obviously don't have enough important things to think about when you're wasting time on this.

Mumsnet used to be a lot more interesting!

Meh, whatever. Boys are hard work if they don't get enough exercise. Girls are hardwork with all the pre-teen angst and falling out.

I have four boys. Sadly their sister died when she was newborn so I didn't get to raise her. I have lost count of the number of times people have said stupid things to me about boys and it is annoying because my boys have always been polite and well-behaved. Obviously they're not perfect but as my early memories include knocking my sister off her bike and kicking her in the shins I don't think girls are necessarily any better.

I have 5 girls and 1 boy. So many people say things like " poor boy" or talk about how difficult it must be for him. It used to drive me mad but I think you just have to learn to ignore it.

The woman is a sexist idiot. Y would be U to be very upset by her comment, but Y would not be U to be shocked by her stupidity.

SWBU. Two boys are not my worst nightmare.

A woman at the end of our street has four.

Her comment may have been a bit insensitive, yes but I don't think it was meant to offend. It wasn't aimed at any particular boy currently living on the planet, She was talking about hypothetical children, whom she never bore and therefore never existed. It is not a slight against your boys. It is purely her POV, which, happily being the mother of two boys whom you love and cherish, you do not share. Nothing more to be read into it than that.

I have an only child through IVF. She's a girl and I was so pleased because I desperately wanted a little girl, perhaps because I wanted to right the wrongs from my past and the preference was about me and my feelings. I've talked to mothers including one of 3 boys so relieved they only have boys "because they wouldn't know what to do with a girl". Did I take offence? No. And I could have because their comments were very insensitive seeing as I don't have an only child through choice. However it is their lives, their journey.

Some people have told me I'm selfish for only having one child including my own mother, (which is a whole other thread in itself, yes I'm looking at you, mummy dearest). I can tell you that is fucking hurtful. I'm not selfish, I struggled to conceive one let alone more. I mourned the loss for not being able to have more. Dd is 8 and I've been feeling very tearful over the past couple of days. I cried about it again when I got up today, which hasn't happened in years.

You have two, yes two lovely children. Stop getting upset and go and enjoy them, you are a very lucky person!

I agree with trifle, you need to get a grip!

My MiL had 4 boys, no girls. I had 2 girls, no boys.

MIL told me she thought boys were easier! And it's not as if my two were at all difficult - they were very good and easy.

There's no accounting for it. Mind you I have known the odd small boy who was like a human hurricane, so if you have one like that I dare say it colours your ideas.

I had 2 boys in 14 months. They fought, physically and verbally, all the time. Fortunately I was young enough to take it then. Now they are grown with families of their own and are the best of friends - though the elder has frequently said how relieved he is that both his DC are girls.

Then I had 2 girls. Much the same childhood fights, tho' possibly more verbal, less physical. As adults they are close, look after each other's DC when needed.
I suspect they might make plans about what to do with Mother when she goes (even more) ga-ga.

Why would you tell anyone the sex of their children - which they didn't get to chose,obviously - is your nightmare?

She's an idiot. What's so terrifying about bringing up boys anyway?

I always feel that being a mum if boys is like being in a special club. Only those who have boys know what it's like. When my 2 boys act daft (that's a mild explanation of their silliness when we're out) the cashier might say "I have sons (or grandsons), I know what it's like" which feels like a bit of support. Only once did I get dirty looks in the GP surgery after waiting 50 mins to be seen. My boys were little and bored and had got to the rolling around point and a woman and her mother who had one tiny girl were scowling at my boys.When I talk to parents with a boy and a girl we have a giggle about how hugely different they are. Boys are fun

Erm, I think she's in the wrong job if she is a childminder. I mean, what if the poor love ends up looking after more than one boy? How will she cope?

It sounds like your husband had the appropriate response (he laughed).

Everything about this conversation has lighthearted joke written all over it.

I dread to think how many people I must offend on a daily basis if this is all it takes.

Hi OP. You are not unreasonable to be a bit offended by her comment... It was a stupid thing for her to say. That said. . Most of us have said stupid things at one point or another. . I don't think she was trying to be malicious, probably just making conversation, so I would put to the back of your mind and move on.

My SIL used to say this about my two boys when she first met them, they were 7 & 10. The comments stopped when she had twin boys who are now 2. Some people just have no filter