Really offended by this comment, AIBU?

[tiredmum81]

I was collecting ds1 from school today, having a nice chat with a woman I know who is a child minder. She was telling me about the kids she is currently looking after. Then she says " you have my worst nightmare though, 2 boys! 1 is OK, but not 2!". I told my husband and he laughed, but I felt really upset to hear my children described as a nightmare. I mean, they can be at times, when they are noisy and driving me bonkers, but not because of their gender! Aibu to feel upset that people look at my children and judge them harshly because they are boys?

It does sound like her mouth ran away with her. I have 4 boys and when I was pregnant with my fourth a neighbour's reaction was "Oh no". I just laughed and said I liked having a matching set. She'd also asked whether I was "in the condition" when broaching the subject of my pregnancy. DH gets lots of "poor you" comments from customers (tradesman) when he says he has 4 sons, where I've only had the one minor negative response. To my face anyway!

I don't really get why you would be upset that somebody else is different to you. I think her comment was lazy gender stereotyping and helps build our cultural expectation that boys will be badly behaved and difficult to parent, so I don't think you have to be happy about her comment. But that's different from being upset that somebody else doesn't like the things you like in life. If someone tells me they would be horrified by something that I like I would generally laugh about it with them. I certainly wouldn't feel in anyway slighted or put down by the idea that someone doesn't adore the things I adore.

You can't imagine telling anyone a personal aspect of their life sounds like hell?

My best friend who I adore and me have very different ideas of fun and hell. We are 2 different people. We meet on common ground. It's life.

For example her idea of hell is an AI holiday in a family hotel.
My idea of hell is SC in an apartment block where I have to cook and clean.
We both have good holidays and discuss what we've done.

We've even managed to caravan together with all DCs. We did sc breakfast/lunch and did take out/eat out for dinner.

People expressing opinions is part of life - not much conversation to be had if you don't!

Total over reaction I'm afraid! Just a generalisation with no reference to your children OP

I'm a childminder & on one of my days I have 3 pre-school boys then pick up siblings and my kids from school so have 7 boys. Here's nothing quiet about my house. She'd love it

She was tactless sure but just giving her opinion. I have one of each and DS was always so much harder than DD, love them both equally but two boys would have been my idea of a nightmare too.

I love these threads. OP is 'completely over sensitive' regarding a disparaging remark about her male children. Of course. If someone had posted about a similar remark made about the OP's daughters, there'd be all hell to pay.

They are children. Don't want to get into gender wars, but honestly, any unpleasant remark about a child is bound to rile the mother. Getting really fed up of the 'girls, good - boys,bad' shit on here recently. This is the second (that I've read) situation in a couple of weeks where people think it's ok to badmouth male children, and that an OP who complains about is being 'precious'. If I post about how glad I am to have a son, and how having a daughter would be my 'worst nightmare', what do you think would happen? Hmmm? jess would be a little pile of ash, that's what.

Get a grip. It's her opinion. It wasn't aimed at your kids.

I don't understand all this over emotional stuff about random comments people make about kids in general. You are being ridiculously over sensitive.

Never let this sexism go by - it's appallling and leads to more and more sexism. I have boy twins - they are utterly different from each other. I also have girls. People seem almost to force their children into gendered boxes much more than ever used to be the case.

I know what you mean OP. It's just rude.
Ignore some of the comments telling you you are being sensitive.
Surely as a childminder she has realised that all boys are different? Siblings are different, and in fact no child is the same as another. What would be really hard would be to parent two children with serious behavioural problems, but these kids come in pink and blue packages hey...
Silly, unprofessional comment.

I have also got 4 boys and get the usual "you're brave" comments, I just let it go,over my head now.

Op's childen weren't bad mouthed. The woman wasn't even taking about op's kids, but two hypothetical boys of her own she's relieved she didn't have

And I really don't think the response's would have been much different had the op been about two girls. For all we know, op has dd's but changed the details so as not to risk outing herself.

The women didn't say that your kids are a nightmare op she said in her mind having two boys would be a nightmare for her. Big difference.

To be honest, I'd be more concerned about a childminder who thought two boys were a 'nightmare'. Doesn't bode well.

I have 3 boys...boys are brilliant ! She is a silly cow.

People say stupid shit to parents, don't worry too much about your privileged little offspring their lives will most likely be a lot easier than their female counterparts.

YABU to give her comment the time of day.,

Jess, I totally agree.

I knew someone who said all girls are basically bitches and anyone who disagrees was basically deluded

This in front of her DD and my DD.

pond. Oh, I absolutely know it works both ways - I've heard similar remarks about little girls and it's ugly to bear witness to (not to mention how the kids feel). My point is that these are children, and whatever our adult experiences of the opposite sex are (positive and negative) they should never be projected on to our own or other people's children.

Absolutely agree Jess, they are little people not stereotypes. This typecasting and nastiness about children is really distasteful.

I've got two boys. I would not have been offended by her comment.

The fact is that as a childminder, she probably values children who are 'easy' and do not demand too much of her, and can entertain themselves quietly.

My boys are fab in every way, but quiet they are very much not!

People will always say stupid things whatever the combination/sex/number of children. Fwiw, i have 3 girls and a boy, the boy was definitely the most placid out of the 4.

I agree it was a stupid thing to say....but I'd say that's all it was. A bit daft and thoughtless. She wouldn't have meant anything personal by it.

I feel narked when I hear negative comments about boys and I'm only an auntie to two. Who are both capable of being fighty, snuggly, curious, energetic, silly, giddy and sleepy in the space of about 10 minutes! They are nice kids who sometimes go too far as all children do.

My sister and I could barely be in the same room when we were kids. We spent most of our childhood trying to knock each other into next week. But we are besties now.

Logically I know it's a bit of a throwaway chitchat banter silly comment & not to be taken seriously.
BUT
It would niggle at me too, like it did at OP. Just a bit cack-handed. "What am I supposed to do with that information" moment.