Really offended by this comment, AIBU?

[tiredmum81]

I was collecting ds1 from school today, having a nice chat with a woman I know who is a child minder. She was telling me about the kids she is currently looking after. Then she says " you have my worst nightmare though, 2 boys! 1 is OK, but not 2!". I told my husband and he laughed, but I felt really upset to hear my children described as a nightmare. I mean, they can be at times, when they are noisy and driving me bonkers, but not because of their gender! Aibu to feel upset that people look at my children and judge them harshly because they are boys?

Some people believe boys are inherently violent thugs. Others believe girls are nasty and vile. There are an Unfortunate number of people who've drunk the gendered koolaid and say crap like this. I find 'goodness. Did you mean to be so rude?' With a wide eyed head tilt tends to shut them up.

Because it is a hurtful comment to hear someone judging your child solely because of their birth sex

YABU and over sensitive. My worst nightmare is twins. It doesn't stop me loving other people's I just know I'd rather boil my own head than have had two babies at the same time.

God, she'd have heart failure if she came across me and my 5 boys then if 2 is her worst nightmare! For what it's worth my lads argue and bicker as any siblings do. I would imagine (but obviously have no experience of it) just as 5 girls would surely? Some people just have a "thing" about all boys I think. Personally I think 5 girls would be harder work than 5 boys but in reality how would I know??

I've been told this about my two DSs, always by mothers of two girls!! I shrug and say I wouldn't have them any other way.

As they say smile and nod smile and nod, whilst mentally noting to avoid in future

She was tactless but wasn't aiming it at your boys. She's a daft cow but you're really over reacting.

"you're a childminder?? Oh my god, that would be my worst nightmare"

Why would that be rude? That would be MY worst nightmare. I'm not naturally good with kids, or other people generally, I'm quite introverted/ anti-social.

I'm a cleaner, and if someone said that would be their ultimate nightmare job, I wouldn't be offended. I know some people just couldn't hack the mess and scrubbing someone elses's toilet etc. I like cleaning for exactly the reasons a lot of people wouldn't (quiet, you mostly work alone, it's very routine based so same thing over and over).

I think you're being a bit sensitive. She wasn't calling your ds's nightmares, just that two boys would be her own personal worst nightmare.

That's HER nightmare, not the fact they are boys but she couldn't cope with them in her mind - I have 2 boys and they have had their moments but I wouldn't have taken that personally or even given it a passing thought to be honest

Pffftttt.... silly cow.
I've one of each, the 'perfect gentleman's family' (loathe that term), and my girl is more boisterous and has got herself in more scrapes than her big brother. As a toddler she was so much hard work (well, that's what toddlers do), but also a climber, & clumsy (not a great combo). She has no fear, and on the footie pitch she throws herself into tackles against lads much bigger than her. I'd like to see your friend with 2 of her...

In my head I would have told her to fuck off, in reality I would have just shrugged and gone off feeling sad and pissed off.

It's a crass, stupid comment that is absolute bollocks! I have 2 boys and I genuinely cannot see how children of one gender could possibly automatically be harder than the other. My boys have had their moments over the years but I'm so proud of my children and I wouldn't change anything for the world.

Is there some bit of back story you've maybe missed? She had two brothers she had to mind a lot growing up and they fought the bit out, so she decided if she ever had a boy of her own, he'd be an only? Something has clearly put her off the thought of two boys (she did say one would be fine).

I think you are being over sensitive. I have 3 girls and someone once said to me '3 girls - what a nightmare' I said 'actually I like having three girls'. Another time when dd1 was a toddler and dd2 was a baby some random woman said to me - what have you got? And I said the new baby is a girl. 'What a shame' she said. 'Men like a boy don't they?'

She was rude but just ignore stupid, ignorant people. Unfortunately some people behave like stupid twats for no reason.

How horrid! I have 3 boys all within 2 years, for awhile I really worried about my parenting abilities because my house was crazy and my friends all had girls and things seemed much calmer ... then I had a surprise 4th, a girl and realised boys and girls are different ... my boys are older now, 6 and twins 4 and it's much less crazy.

So I can maybe understand a little where she got that idea from, however, what a horrid woman, I'm shocked she said something so unkind, although if she has said it to be I would likely agree with her, but then I am used to lots of advice and comments because I have twins and a child with special needs so I've learnt to let it roll off me a bit ... however I always wonder why people can't just be nice, why people have to open their mouths and spa vile things.

Hugs OP

I have 2 boys and my SIL said similar to me - it's incredibly stupid and annoying. I absolutely love my boys!

She's had a girl, and when preg with her 2nd she was going "nope, it's not going to be a boy, I don't do boys." And it was. Ha!

My third child was a girl, and I can tell you she has been every bit as much work as the boys.

She was making small talk and you really need to get a grip if a harmless, good-humoured comment like that can offend you.

You sound incredibly sensitive because she wasn't talking about your sons in particular!

I've said the same comment to people with mutiple girls because having a teenage one at the moment is bloody hard work and not sure I could go through this again!

whereas my boys have seemed alot easier

Lots of people have said this to me (I have 4 boys). The more polite ones say things like "you're brave".
I have my dream family

Ok, so it seems I may be a tad over sensitive. Can I start a thread about how upset I am by the unsympathetic comments about the original comment? (Joke!) I do understand she was referring to her own preference, but I can't ever imagine, unprompted, telling someone that a personal aspect of their life is my idea of a nightmare.

I've got four - 3 boys and 1 girl and I've lost track of the number of stupid comments people have directed at me over the years. Whatever combination you have, you get inane comments! I think some people on here are being a bit harsh - YANBU to have felt upset that the implication was that 2 boys are a 'nightmare' but it didn't sound as though she was personalising it. So as hutchblue said above - forgive, forget and move on.

Really offended? Really, OP? Unless she also called your sons Damian and Devil or Gog and Magog then I really don't think you should be offended by this.

Good god, dont take everything to heart.

I wouldn't be offended because it's a fuckwitty statement even if it is her "worst nightmare". Worst nightmare .... I can think of so much worse in life.

Take no bloody notice. Children are a blessing regardless of their gender

I'm one of three girls, we were always having full on catfights as kids. Still would if we ever saw each other, I imagine. I always wanted a brother.