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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU about my fiances ex?

129 replies

chickencurrynriceyum · 04/11/2016 16:45

This is a bit of a back story, but I have 2 ds (6 and 3) and I am pregnant due next month. My older DSs dad doesn't see them, so I was really pleased when I met my current fiancé but he's already got a child with his ex who causes lots of problems for us. She always comments on my scan photos on Facebook, she has photos of my ex up. She clearly can't move on. AIBU to think she needs to back off?

OP posts:

Ldnmum2015 · 04/11/2016 18:16

I think unfortunately your current partner and his ex had a different kind of relationship to what you had with your ex, with totally opposite experiences of being a 'single mum' and I think in your case, because it was so final you moved on quicker with your ex. But as for your partner, he hasn't really sorted out the boundaries with his ex and organised proper arrangements for their responsibilities to their children - before dating a new partner, you have inherited 2 additional children instead of a man who is a potential life long partner. They both sound like kids!

Sparlklesilverglitter · 04/11/2016 18:16

Like the ex or not she will always been in your life and she and your dp have a child together, that is never going to change

Them being friends on Facebook, is fine. Her having photos of him on her Facebook is fine, he is the father of her child so he is and always will be a massive part of her life. I don't know why you have to delete everything of an ex on Facebook when you break up, they were part of your life so no need to delete them

Unless she has been nasty or incredibly rude on your scan photos on Facebook, I think you are over reacting. Your baby is her DD half sibling so maybe commenting on the scan photo is her way of accepting the new baby for her DD sake

JessShouldHaveBeenAPiranha · 04/11/2016 18:20

sparkle. This. Unless the comment on the scan photo was unkind, it sounds as though the ex is the most mature of the three 'adults' involved in this situation.

Eatthecake · 04/11/2016 18:22

Yabu

She will always be in your life as her and your dp have a child.

That little girl is not "her daughter" she is your dp daughter- he is her Dad and always will be

I get maybe as you have no contact with your ex you think everyone is the same but when you have a child together it shouldn't be like that. 2 separated parents that get on is best for the child

Her having your dp photo on her Facebook does not mean she hasn't moved on, he is the father of her DD and was a big part of her life and always will be as she wouldn't have DD without him. So I see nothing wrong with her having a few photos

So she comments on your scan photo, of her DD half sibling. Unless she's nasty what is the problem with that??

NeedsAsockamnesty · 04/11/2016 18:29

jess'do you really think if it was a unkind comment the op wouldn't have chucked that bit of infor in there?

Bubblegum18 · 04/11/2016 18:36

Obviously we wanted to go out and enjoy ourselves as a family with our sons and her daughter

Your comment about you're DP considering your sons as children is unfair to his DD who is his child. I also noted the reference as DP DD not SD or DD so there's double standards here it's clear you don't see her or value her in the same way.

JessShouldHaveBeenAPiranha · 04/11/2016 18:39

Agree, needs. My personal opinion is that the ex is trying to negotiate a decent blended family but OP wants her to disappear.

SemiNormal · 04/11/2016 18:39

it's clear you don't see her or value her in the same way. - yes but no doubt that's all ex fault too!

Lunar1 · 04/11/2016 18:45

Her daughter!!! That's fucking awful. She is your boyfriends child and is just as important to him as your two are to you.

Trying to claim him for your boys dad by saying our sons, and pushing his dd out of the equation using, her daughter is absolutely revolting. He will always be a dad to his daughter.

GeorgeTheThird · 04/11/2016 18:56

"My fiancé considers my sons from previous relationship to be his own."

Well they're not, are they.

CozyAutumn · 04/11/2016 19:05

op you can post things in fb and there is an option where you tick the names of people who you don't want to see that particular post/photo. The next time you post something could you just tick her name so that she won't see it?

damnyoufoulwoman · 04/11/2016 19:10

You're being ridiculous. Firstly his daughter, you correct it later to our children. But she's not your child. She is your dps and his exs. You come across strongly like you don't want her to exist, well tough shit, she does.

Wanting her child home for dinner does not stop you going out for the day, why couldn't you go from 9-4??

You need to back off and face the actual reality of the situation and not a fantasy where they're all your kids together

DeathStare · 04/11/2016 19:46

This woman can't do right for doing wrong can she? If she ignored your scan photos you'd think she was bitter and jealous. She makes friendly comments and she's obsessed with your DP.

Between that, the "our sons, her daughter" comment and the complaint about a mum wanting her daughter (whose age you still haven't given by the way) back for tea, you sound like a sulky petulant teen. For your stepdaughter's sake you need to grow up, treat her mum with respect and stop looking for problems where there aren't any.

Original poster

chickencurrynriceyum · 04/11/2016 19:47

My fiancé is considering adopting the boys actually. The DD is 3.

OP posts:

ViolettaValery · 04/11/2016 19:49

She's 3. And you object to her mother wanting her home for tea? Come on.

JessShouldHaveBeenAPiranha · 04/11/2016 19:51

That's great. He sounds lovely. How very convenient for him that your children's' father is out of the picture (where is he, by the way?) and how very unconvenient for you got that the mother of his child refuses to do a similar disappearing act.

Grow up. Both of you.

pinkyredrose · 04/11/2016 19:52

It's all a bit Jeremy kyle isn't it. You sound rather immature.

How old are you OP?

PigletWasPoohsFriend · 04/11/2016 19:53

My fiancé is considering adopting the boys actually.

That doesn't alter anything tbh. You can't change the fact his ex exists and he has a DD.

The DD is 3.

So she was very young when they split. It isn't unreasonable that her DM wanted her back for tea.

Original poster

chickencurrynriceyum · 04/11/2016 19:54

I am 27, and why does it matter where my boys dad is?

OP posts:

DeathStare · 04/11/2016 19:58

She's 3?

OK.... I'm calling reverse. Nobody with half a brain could think from anything mentioned so far that the ex is at all unreasonable

JessShouldHaveBeenAPiranha · 04/11/2016 20:00

If you don't approve of the contact agreement between DP and his daughter, I suggest you take it to court and a judge can decide what is fair. That way, you will have agreed hours on access , home time etc, rather than arguing over it each week, which I'm sure is rather stressful with another child on the way.

thought you were a fair bit younger, to be honest

Arfarfanarf · 04/11/2016 20:04

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Boolovessulley · 04/11/2016 20:08

Op you sound unhinged if I'm being honest.
At 3 I would want my child home by tea time.

The comment about looking like her father is totally acceptable.

You appear to have rushed into thus relationship.

Can you tell us exactly what gone ex has written on Facebook?

CalleighDoodle · 04/11/2016 20:13

How did their relationshio end?

(Agreed that this is WAY too rushed).

RayofFuckingSunshine · 04/11/2016 20:14

Seems to me that you're jealous and pissed off that he had a life before you and a daughter.

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