Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Be absolutely honest. If you could do it all again, would you have had kids ?

502 replies

Pisssssedofff · 02/11/2016 07:43

I'll answer later.

OP posts:
Bubbinsmakesthree · 04/11/2016 03:02

We only have one DC so far, and he is only 2, but these 2 years have been the most rewarding and wonderful of my life.

To be honest, at this age even the crap bits are kind of rewarding - everything is very much 'in the moment' rather than that kind of nagging stress I get from a thousand work commitments. Shit days are shit, great days are great, it's all very immediate. I do wonder how I'll find it when there's more nagging worry in my life (how are they doing at school, are they falling in with the wrong crowd, are they happy, are they safe?).

And how it will be when they don't give you so much love back to you. Being jumped on by an adoring toddler squealing 'my mummy!' Is one of the most joyful things and I am sure I will pine for it when he's a sullen teen.

Am also pregnant with no. 2 and I am scared of fucking up our lovely balanced life and of not being able to be as immersed in the simple joys when there is more to juggle.

Mymouthgetsmeintrouble · 04/11/2016 03:05

Yes

57968sp · 04/11/2016 04:08

No!

JammyDodger16 · 04/11/2016 05:10

Yes definitely

Rowenag · 04/11/2016 06:48

Interesting thread. We have one DD who is 7 and I had her mid 30s. She has changed me in a good way. I used to be very self destructive and had low self esteem but she has filled a deep dark hole that was rotting away inside me. We are lucky in that she is the loveliest ray of sunshine, filled with kindness and love and having her in my life has fulfilled me in a way I never thought possible. So yes, v v pleased I had her but also pleased we only had one child.

Fortitudine · 04/11/2016 06:55

Absolutely yes. But I'd have had them in my late 20s rather than early 30s. But then there's never really a "right" time, is there?

bigbuttons · 04/11/2016 06:59

Yes I would but Im not sure I would have so many.

shewhomustbeEbayed · 04/11/2016 08:18

I wouldn't wish not to have had my DD ( now 13 ) but looking back I would have made more use of being single while I could, if I could have known I'd eventually meet someone and settle down and be lucky enough to have DD.

tinkywinkyslover · 04/11/2016 08:32

*Litlelionman
*
"suddenly this tired old world seemed more magical again, worth fighting for. "

That's lovely

tinkywinkyslover · 04/11/2016 08:33

*Litlelionman
*
"suddenly this tired old world seemed more magical again, worth fighting for. "

That's lovely

Thirdload · 04/11/2016 08:44

No, I don't think I would, which makes me very sad. I love them more than anything but I'm very unhappy a lot of the time, Pnd, exhausted, my own health issues which I don't have time to focus on. Honestly I feel like I've disappeared since I had children. No family help here, I miss my beautiful mum so much and I wish I could ask her how she managed. I only hope that I don't fuck it up too much as they grow up.

AmaDablam · 04/11/2016 08:50

Yes definitely. I wouldn't change the timing either (36 when I had dd). Was desperate for kids in my 20s but that would have meant I had them with the wrong person and I don't think I was mature enough (just me personally, not saying others who have kids young aren't up to the task).

Interesting that there are several parents of 2 saying they'd have stopped at 1. We only have the one, through choice, and that feels right, now. I just worry that we'll regret it in 10 years time when it's too late to do anything about it.

tinkywinkyslover · 04/11/2016 09:21

I lived in 2 different countries and travelled extensively, sorted what I wanted to do for a career after a false start in another field. I'm not career minded so since having dd1 at the age of 29 and dd 2 at 32 I've not minded working just 2 days a week as I know that my career can be picked up again later.

In terms of looking after the children 3 days a week it can be very boring at times, but as others have said it gives my life a new purpose and the world has new meaning. My children are so sweet, smart and beautiful but they are hard work too. Nothing good in this life comes easy I've found!

ColdTattyWaitingForSummer · 04/11/2016 09:28

Yes times a million!! But I wish I had had them all with the one person who I loved and who loved me back, because the toughest part is sharing the most amazing things in my life with someone who doesn't like me.

Wixi · 04/11/2016 09:30

Yes (I have one 7 year old). I wish we had had her earlier (we've been married 24 years!) and then I may have been able to have a second one, but left it too late. Parenthood is very stressful and hardwork, and expensive, but one smile or hug from my daughter and the world is OK again.

Wixi · 04/11/2016 09:30

Yes (I have one 7 year old). I wish we had had her earlier (we've been married 24 years!) and then I may have been able to have a second one, but left it too late. Parenthood is very stressful and hardwork, and expensive, but one smile or hug from my daughter and the world is OK again.

Sunnie1984 · 04/11/2016 09:43

If you asked me this last Friday, I would have said yes.

This morning, hell no! Wink

DH been away, both kids been sick, my hyper emesis has flared, I've had no sleep and had hysterics from both of them as soon as they set foot in the door.

They are 4 and 2.5 years, which I think is a tough period. 4 year old settling into school and is exhausted, 2 year old is in tantrum central and I'm pregnant with number 3.

However, when I not sleep deprived, sick, pregnant and feeling like death, the answer must be yes. As we got pregnant on purpose with number 3.

Regularly think we are mad to go back to the baby stage when our two are becoming much more self sufficient - but I think motherhood is crazy!

Once DH is home, I've had some sleep and TLC, the answer will be yes again.

Life is very full with them in it, and very full on.

Hardest thing I have ever done, but I'm not sure what else I would be doing either.

I know in about 8 years I'll get a lie in again, and will be able to lie on a beach and relax without having to constantly entertain toddlers.

Although then I'll have a teenager, so I might want the baby days back!

It's complicated, but overall, yes I would do it again X

HuckleberryGin · 04/11/2016 09:54

I want to change my answer to yes, but this morning it took two of us to hold my daughter down to force her into clothes to get her to school. Then again to brush her teeth. And at other points in the morning she hit me and basically screamed her head off from 7am until DH drove off with her screaming at 7.45am.

I just can't keep going on like this. The endless shouting, screaming, fighting every morning to get her to school and us to work, every evening to get her to bed. And any time we don't do exactly as she wants.

DumptonPark · 04/11/2016 09:58

Nope

Wildwillow · 04/11/2016 11:36

It taxed us financially emotionally and every other way to have unexpected twins after 2 singletons. You just have to alter your perspective of happiness fulfillment and holidays. !!

Being completely rational now they are grown to young adults (youngest kids in 6th form) I think it is unwise to have more than two kids due to the input required. However I can imagine not having kids at all.. yes Id have had the luxury holidays cars clothes etc but I would have missed out on so much more... hang in there!!

Wildwillow · 04/11/2016 11:38

I mean to type 'can't imagine not having'...... of course... Grin

MumOfTwoMasterOfNone · 04/11/2016 11:42

Yes but I wish I'd had children with someone who didn't already have children. Sometimes it's really really hard though but I'm so glad I have two gorgeous little people to love Grin

Original poster
Pisssssedofff · 04/11/2016 11:47

HuckleberryGin. I had one like that, kicked the teacher, bit the dentist, Scratched mil face, proper horror. That girl has literally kept me going the past three years, simply the most beautiful teenager you could hope to meet. Gets great grades, works hard, polite. Hang in there ☺️

OP posts:
Underparmummy · 04/11/2016 11:50

I have 3 quite young, there is a lot of drudgey housework and a lot of juggling around work. On a day to day level there is lots I miss tbh as domestic drudgery and constant juggling isn't, on a daily level, hugely enjoyable. On a bigger level, yes of course I would do it again, they bring me the most joy and are teaching me about life everyday. As I think the last bit will get bigger as they get older and the first bit will retract a little I think in five years time I will just answer yes.

Its a marathon not a sprint I am led to believe.

user1478260362 · 04/11/2016 11:58

If I could go back in time before I got pregnant I never would have. Having my Son has been the worst decision of my life. I have successfully qualified as a Social Worker but I have so far not got a job. When I do I will have to struggle childcare and the cost of it. I hate getting him dressed, I hate playing with him, I hate feeding him. I hate everything about him.

I miss my freedom,spare money, childfree experiences, no worries, no stress, my flatmates, my night-out. I share custody with his Dad but it's not the same. It just feels like an endless job parenting and I would give my right arm to go back. I just count the days when he is 18, gone from my house and I regain my life back. As long as he in independent and happy so will I be.

I could never give him up for adoption as I still love him. I just wish, more than anything he had never ever been born.

I fantasise that he is killed in an accident, it is terrible I know. Then I could be set free.

Before I had him I was a happy, empathetic person who was popular with everyone. Now I'm just a shell of my former self.