To have torn DP a new one after his comment towards me?

[BigEmpty]

When dp and I first met he was working 16 hours a week cleaning. He had no motivation and no confidence and when we talked about his minimal working hours he stated "he didn't feel like he could manage working more than that as he likes to do his shopping mid week" etc!!

When we talked about moving in together I told him his working ethic was an obstacle. I would not feel comfortable working 40 hours a week whilst he is just doing 16 with no valid reason. So he started looking for full time work.

I showed support throughout, he once came downstairs in a pair of scruffy jeans and a dragon t-shirt for an interview so I went with him to shop and helped him choose a good smart outfit. He got the job. He was delighted and went on and in about how great it was that he would have more money etc. He then started getting quite into the prospect of bettering himself so I sat with him and we went through college courses he could maybe do etc.

He thrived in the job and then a few months later he came to me and said "they've mentioned putting me on a training scheme which would see me get a promotion within a year!". I was delighted for him and bigged it up. He then went on about how the hours would change etc - I continued to be enthusiastic and encouraging - he then said "yeah, basically I need to do whatever I can to improve my career and if that interrupts your plans then that's just tough I'm afraid". 😲😲😲

Naturally this little snippet came out of nowhere! I said "what do you mean by that??" And he said "see I knew you'd be upset but I can't always do what's best for you, you're not the queen or anything are you". I said I wasn't upset at all about the change in shift patterns but I was livid at the way he'd just spoken to me considering I have only ever shown support for him. He said "oh, maybe I did come across a bit harsh there ... " too fucking right!

So basically I read him the riot act about how I'd spent months prepping him for interviews, helping him with clothes, helping him with college options, even taking his daughter swimming on a Saturday so she didn't miss out with his new job and to be spoken to like that for no reason?

I finished by telling him I was leaving (was at his house) and he should have a think about whether he wants to be in a relationship with someone who isn't used to being spoken to like shit. And in the meantime I'd think about how I feel about being in what often feels like a one way relationship.

He's text me constantly since saying he's sorry and can't understand what he said that was so wrong. I am fuming. Just too this isn't the only time he's suddenly come out with something nasty.

[FerretFred]

I have to ask. What did you see in him in the first place?!

[CountessOfStrathearn]

Do you need to meet him at 4 to talk? I'd guess that he wouldn't get it anyway. Sounds like you are well shot of him. You were kinder than me, I wouldn't have got past the first paragraph!

[BigEmpty]

I don't really want to meet him, would it be cruel to do it over text?

[Mynestisfullofempty]

If you don't want to meet him, don't. You've already invested far too much time in him than he deserved.

[FlyingGaribaldi]

I would do precisely what you feel like doing. You've invested frankly insane amounts of time in Toddler Man already, so to rock up at four o'clock to hear his deluded plans for having a nice drink or whatever just sounds like more irritation. Why not phone him if you'd rather not see him?

OP, if I can be very nosy here - why on earth were you attracted to him in the first place?

[FlyingGaribaldi]

X-post with Ferret

[MonsterMaskettiBall]

You don't owe him anything. It's nicer to do it face to face but he hasn't exactly been nice to you face to face so do what suits you not him.

[user1475253854]

Think of how much better your life will be when you invest all that time you spent on him on you. Your career, home, hobbies, friends and family etc.

[Clandestino]

He's a liar, he's a man-child who needs Mummy, not an equal partner. You will never be anything but his second Mum.

[Awwlookatmybabyspider]

Youre not the Queen. That's something a 6 year old would say.
I agree with pp. He's a man child. Run for the hills and keep running and don't look back.
He seems likes he's forgotten himself

[ravenmum]

Sounds like a real banker to me...

[ImperialBlether]

Sorry, but I've been laughing at him telling you he worked in banking when he cleaned banks. What a complete idiot he is.

[raisedbyguineapigs]

If he doesn't understand what he said wrong, he will carry on the same way. He has been a complete moron to you. Dump him by text and say you don't want to see him again. Wish him luck with his new career and tell him to crack on safe in the knowledge that it won't be your concern anymore!

[OurBlanche]

Text:

"So, we have an argument, I ask you to seriously consider what the fuck you are doing with your life, with me and all you can think of is discount priced wine?^

This whole discussion has shown you in a very unappealing light and I want no more if it, you or this relationship. Goodbye

and block!

[PlumsGalore]

Will you come back at 5pm OP and let us know how you got on?

Makes you wonder why he isn't still with the mother of his daughter doesn't it?

[Jackiebrambles]

I'm also really chuckling about him working in banking!

How long have you been together? It might be a bit harsh to do it over text. I'd meet and just explain that its the end of the road for you, and that you wish him well in his new, dragon t-shirt based, ventures.

[Mynestisfullofempty]

How old is he btw?

[YokoUhOh]

OP was it a Chinese dragon or a Welsh one? Is there another kind? I really need to know, for some reason...

[Mummyoflittledragon]

Under these circumstances, text is fine simply because you've invested so much time in him. Just before you do it, make sure you haven't left any of your stuff at his place. Jeepers, what a dick.

[DoesAnyoneReadTheseThings]

Text is more than fine. I wouldn't even bother with that. I'd just send 🙄 In reply to his wine text and block!

[Jackiebrambles]

I'm imagining a 'Dungeons and dragons' type Dragon. Not sure where they are from really

[JellyBelli]

Why meet and talk? Just tell him its over. Stop investing in him!

[Lorelei76]

Dump by text
Also really curious why you dated him this long. You'd have been better fostering a teenager!

[YokoUhOh]

Btw, you need to inspect any future partner's wardrobe for signs of griffins, dragons, satyrs etc. That's a new red flag for the MN list right there

[FV45]

This sounds entirely like a conversation I'd have with my 17 year old son - a lad who is just starting out in the world of work and needs support from someone with experience.