...to want to take my dad up on this offer?

[saffynool]

This may be a bit long so apologies in advance but trying to avoid drip-feeding!

Dp and I have been together for 5 years. We live together in rented accommodation with my ds from a previous relationship. This has been a tough year for a variety of reasons and things have been a bit wobbly at times, with both of us broaching the subject of splitting. However, each time, we have got back on a good footing. I would like this to be a permanent relationship, but equally I am not scared of being alone.

One of the main issues for us has been money. We both work fulltime in professional roles, although at the moment I earn a fair bit more than dp. I pay for the majority of rent/bills due to higher income and the fact that dp is paying off debts from previous mismanagement of finances. He is sorting this but it takes time, and his attitude to money is still a bit 'bung it on the credit card', which is difficult for me as I am the opposite.

Anyway, the issue is this. Recently, my lovely mum died, leaving my dad in a large and mostly unused house. He is adamant that he does not want to sell, but he has offered for me, dp and ds to come and live there, if we would like to.

The house is big enough for me dp and ds to have our own bedrooms, bathroom, study, sitting room and dining room etc. Far more space than we could ever hope to afford on our own. My dad is very laid back and would never interfere with us. He would have his own living and working space; we would share a kitchen and garden/outside space etc. Dp and I would take over most of the household finances, helping out my dad and leaving us better off too. I would be able to keep a close eye on dad as well, which would help my state of mind as I have become very anxious about him since mum died.

For me, this is a no-brainer. No more wasting money on paying off someone else's mortgage with nothing to show for it and no financial security. Able to be close to my dad and support him. Lower outgoings so that there is less pressure on us and dp can pay off his debts faster. If it was just me and ds, I would go for it.

However, I know dp will reject the idea. And whilst I do, absolutely, understand that few people relish the idea of living with the in-laws, to my mind the positives vastly outweigh the negatives here. But his attitude to my dad (who really likes and respects him) has always been one of 'barely tolerating'. I don't know why and he's never been able to give me a real reason, but it is the case.

So what do I do? I think this move would make sense for us, for many practical (and emotional, if I'm honest) reasons. But I know dp will say no. Do I just leave it, say nothing? Or do I ask him to seriously consider it for all the reasons above and hope he sees the benefits for our future? And if he does say no...should I consider going anyway??

[Lorelei76]

Sorry op but your partner doesn't sound nice
I'd live with your dad without him
The thing about your mates struck me a lot
So what if he doesn't like them? You should be seeing them without him mostly anyway? I've got a couple of friends whose husbands I dislike and they probably don't like me. We still manage chit chat at the odd birthday or whenever it has to be done and if there's a crisis of some sort, you wouldn't even know we don't like each other. Friends work as a team and help with stuff.

[TrueBlueYorkshire]

If you are close to your dad I would say that relationship is more important than one that has been on and off the rocks with another man. Family and friends are always more important than a romantic relationship and he doesn't sound like he wants to be part of your family.

Also this will give you an opportunity to save more money which can be spent on your DS.

I actually have the opposite, i keep offering to move my wifes elderly dad in with us as we get along so well (I think she things too well!!) and we have a few spare rooms on the ground floor which i would turn into a separate living accomidation. I think she worries we would turn the house into some sort of boys club!

[JellyBelli]

Move in with your Dad and get some financial security. You wont get that from your DP and its important to you.
And tell him your Dad left everything to the kids, not you. Get your Dad to go along with that.