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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Being asked for money...again! Grrrr!

63 replies

ApproachingATunnel · 31/10/2016 10:07

Ok, so i posted here at the beginning on sep about a friend who was moving and asking for £100 and making it all very urgent and as if without my money she can't move. (Will try to link in a minute). Back then i said no, she moved. All good, i went to visit her in new place once.
However last week i got a text 'hi, how are you. Sorry to ask but perhaps you could help out with money. Got a car but have nothing left for insurance:('. I must admit my blood boiled and i did not reply anything. Now she just rang me whilst im at work- i didnt pick up.

I would have no issues saying no. But she's invited and coming to my DC birthday party in a few weeks so it's awkward. And we have a few common friends.
So how do i tell her to fuck off in a nice way and so that she never asks again? Arrrrgh.

Why the fuck would you get a car if you dont have money for insurance. And if you do surely you can spread the cost and pay monthly? I just feel being taken for a ride again and i hate it!

OP posts:

purplefizz26 · 31/10/2016 10:09

Just say

Sorry, I have no spare cash, and it's unlikely I will in the near future due to my personal circumstances. Hope you get it sorted.

Original poster

ApproachingATunnel · 31/10/2016 10:09

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/2721211-To-not-want-to-lend-her-money

OP posts:

Sallybowls · 31/10/2016 10:10

I have a friend like this it makes it very akward. I once loned my mate 50pound she gave me 30 back and never mentioned the other 20 ever again.

ThoraGruntwhistle · 31/10/2016 10:11

I know you might not feel able to, because it sounds so blunt but could you text and say something like 'please can you stop asking me for money. It's making me feel very uncomfortable. I'm glad to have you as a friend but I can't afford to insure somebody else's car for them.'

She's the one making things awkward by asking, try not to feel bad about asking her to stop.

Arfarfanarf · 31/10/2016 10:12

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Giratina · 31/10/2016 10:12

She is a total chancer. Say you don't have spare money just now because you need it for your DCs party, parties are expensive!

JellyBelli · 31/10/2016 10:12

It doesnt have to be awkward for you, you dont need to feel embarassed. Just remind yourself of that.
If she asks again, just say 'No, please dont ask again'. And leave it at that.

Original poster

ApproachingATunnel · 31/10/2016 10:13

She had her driving licence for less than a year so i dont think it will be £50, more like £200-£500!
I also suspect she has borrowed from all other friends and im the only one she doesnt owe! I dont even like her that much.

OP posts:

MadameCholetsDirtySecret · 31/10/2016 10:15

If you don't like her that much , I would phase her out. There isn't a law that states you have to be friends with her.

Mozfan1 · 31/10/2016 10:16

Sorry to ask but perhaps you could help out with money

Why did she ask in such a shit way, it's wound me up for some reason

Just tell her to F off, if you don't like her that much just cut her out op

ImperialBlether · 31/10/2016 10:17

Just text back, "Actually I was going to ask you if I could borrow some money from you - I'm really broke. Can you lend me £100?"

You won't hear from her again.

Arfarfanarf · 31/10/2016 10:21

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ItShouldHaveBeenJess · 31/10/2016 10:24

I lent a friend £150 to help with a house move (the removal service) in July - I've never had it back. I haven't told my family because they'd probably step in - they know I can't afford it. To be honest, if it was just the money, I might have continued the friendship, but it was all very one sided - she talked about herself constantly, I looked after her children, gave her stuff of mine - but she barely listened to a word I said (was separating from my partner at the time).

Just tell her you don't have any money to spare at the mo. She'll try it on with someone else.

YelloDraw · 31/10/2016 10:26

ThoraGruntwhistle message was perfect

Chinlo · 31/10/2016 10:43

I don't really see the big deal. She asked, you said you're fine with saying no, so just say no.

I'm sure after the second or third time of asking and receiving a no, she'll stop asking anyway!

Original poster

ApproachingATunnel · 31/10/2016 10:44

Jess, thats horrible. Why dont you want your family to know, she is not a friend and you need the money...
I feel the same about this friend- it's not just about money. Always one sided, she texts when she needs something (with rare exceptions) and never offers anything back! Always the 'hard done by' one. My DH reckons she's a chancer. I dont get the impression she's genuine person, more like she's keeping you on because in the future she might need a favour from you.

OP posts:

ThePeoplesChamp · 31/10/2016 10:56

Agree with ThoraGrunt. ...or ....

A: Sorry XXXXXX never really wanted to get into it before but an old bill from XXXX has cropped up which I've had to enter into a longterm payment arrangement for so I dont have anything disposable for xx years.

OR (and this would be me)

B: Sorry. No.

If B compromises the friendship so bloody what, shes a leech and a chancer, let her go and trouble someone else.

SerendipityPhenomenon · 31/10/2016 10:57

Don't give excuses like not having any money to spare at the moment, that'll just encourage her to come back to you. Go with ArfanArf's response.

Cocklodger · 31/10/2016 10:58

I had a friend like this years ago where I really didn't have the money to be lending.
I once lent her £85 (most of my £90 rent which was due 5 days later) and told her I had to have it back on rent day.
On rent day, I got excuses....
I cut the friend off.
Now if you do have the money spare to lose I know your situation may not be the same, but I'd just say I'm not able to do that. perhaps you could look into paying for your insurance monthly and just come up with the first months installment. Wish you luck...

baconandeggies · 31/10/2016 11:05

I dont even like her that much.

Sack her off then - why's she invited to your DC birthday party?

thatdearoctopus · 31/10/2016 11:07

£200-£500?! Round these parts, it's closer to £900-£1000 for a newly-qualified driver.

kidssmilesarethebest · 31/10/2016 11:09

Just say no. You don't need to explain her anything like it's been suggested here (bills to pay, birthday party, etc) or give an excuse why you can't afford to lend her money. Just say no. And if she asks again say no again. Keep saying no and she'll get the message that's pointless asking you any money.

ItShouldHaveBeenJess · 31/10/2016 11:09

tunnel. Because my sister, at least would go barging round there demanding it back - and while it's unfair that she keeps it,, there is a part of me that thinks £150 is a reasonable price to pay to keep her out of my life - I've heard nothing since!

(This is the same woman I mentioned on another read, who, when her DD's bed was damaged in the afore-mentioned house move, asked if she could have my son's! When I asked where he would sleep, she replied "Well, you've got a double bed so he could come in with you - I've only got a single" - you've got to laugh, really!)

ItsJustNotRight · 31/10/2016 11:13

Yep do what Thora said. You will have to do it at some point otherwise it will never stop, so do it now.

Maverickismywingman · 31/10/2016 11:15

You're not her personal bank.

I had a friend, who like yours said "I can't move if I don't have £200 for lawyers fees and I'll lose the house. Could really do with help".
I ended up ignoring it.

I make, as a rule, never to lend "friends" money.

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