Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3

Original poster

Being asked for money...again! Grrrr!

63 replies

ApproachingATunnel · 31/10/2016 10:07

Ok, so i posted here at the beginning on sep about a friend who was moving and asking for £100 and making it all very urgent and as if without my money she can't move. (Will try to link in a minute). Back then i said no, she moved. All good, i went to visit her in new place once.
However last week i got a text 'hi, how are you. Sorry to ask but perhaps you could help out with money. Got a car but have nothing left for insurance:('. I must admit my blood boiled and i did not reply anything. Now she just rang me whilst im at work- i didnt pick up.

I would have no issues saying no. But she's invited and coming to my DC birthday party in a few weeks so it's awkward. And we have a few common friends.
So how do i tell her to fuck off in a nice way and so that she never asks again? Arrrrgh.

Why the fuck would you get a car if you dont have money for insurance. And if you do surely you can spread the cost and pay monthly? I just feel being taken for a ride again and i hate it!

OP posts:

listsandbudgets · 31/10/2016 11:24

I think you've just got to reply "sorry no. Please don't ask me for money again as its embarrassing for both of us as I'll have to keep saying no"

If you "lend" gift it to her she'll be back on in a month or so asking for something else. She won't have quite enough for her rent or her electric will need topping up or she'll need help with a loan repayment.

Some people are just like that

SpaceUnicorn · 31/10/2016 11:25

I dont even like her that much.

Why would you continue a friendship with someone you don't like very much ?

KinkyAfro · 31/10/2016 11:26

What thora said. You need to be blunt and if she sees her arse then it's no great loss by the sound of it

PhantomPringles · 31/10/2016 11:29

Most people would chew their own arm off rather than ask to borrow money, particularly if they have been refused before. The way that she has asked is, in my view, cheeky and I suspect if you say no she will not come to the party and you won't hear from her again until she wants to borrow more money. Your other half is right, she is a chancer. Just say no

Original poster

ApproachingATunnel · 31/10/2016 11:36

I replied with 'sorry i can't, surely you can pay monthly'.

She replied 'it's ok, i rang because i was in the place where you work with kids'. I work in hospital and no, i dont believe her. I bet she rang because she wanted something from me. She doesnt just ring me for a chat

OP posts:

JensenAcklesUndercrackers · 31/10/2016 11:39

I have a friend who asks me every month for a loan and it always came with the sob story of how her work had messed up her wages and she couldn't feed her kids or pay for gas/electric.
Every God damned month.
I helped out the first few times but she was always late paying it back and she still hasn't paid back the last lot I lent her.
I wish I'd said No from the start. It's a slippery slope.

pictish · 31/10/2016 11:41

Just say no. "I am not the right person to ask when looking for help with cashflow. Given my own financial constraints it's not something I would consider. I hope you can get it sorted out though. Good luck."

pictish · 31/10/2016 11:43

Oh x posted. Well that's that. Job done.

GabsAlot · 31/10/2016 11:43

just stop talking to her-u dont buy a car then ask people to lend you money for insurance

where does it end

Scarydinosaurs · 31/10/2016 11:44

Just keep saying no.

Weird she is so bad with money that she asks people she doesn't even know that well for money- does she have a gambling/other addiction problem??

rollonthesummer · 31/10/2016 11:46

She replied 'it's ok, i rang because i was in the place where you work with kids'

What does that even mean??

Helenluvsrob · 31/10/2016 11:51

Just say no...

Or to soften the blow "we have had issues with people not paying back and have no spare cash at the moment. We have made a family policy not to lend money. I'd appreciate you not asking again"

HarryPottersMagicWand · 31/10/2016 11:54

She's a user. Phase her out. You don't like her and you get nothing from in her in the way of a friend so bin her off.

If she asks again, tell her "there is a well known phrase 'neither a borrower nor lender be' that works well for me so please don't ask me again as the answer will be the same as the other times."

Or if you want to get rid of her straight away, "fuck off scrounging off me, I will never lend you money."

Catam · 31/10/2016 11:58

Ditto to PP to just say no. I learnt a hard lesson on this a while back. We all prioritise money differently. I gave something (expensive to me) to a friend who said she was in grave diffs. Turned out she had no money for food because she had spent it on something else (her choice of course)

I put rent & food first & after that things I'm sure others might say are frivolous. Expecting others to pick up any slack or to cover necessities because of my spending choices is not on my radar at all.

But it is for some so just say you don't ever lend money and then you won't be left with guilt (for either lending or not lending)

FetchezLaVache · 31/10/2016 12:01

Who on earth buys a car without making sure they can afford to insure it first?

I agree with your DH - she's a chancer. Just say no - no excuses about current cashflow or previous non-repayments, that just makes chancers like this feel you're entering into negotiations.

Iwannabelikecommonpeople · 31/10/2016 12:06

Cheeky cow ! Some people have some nerve. You did the right thing.

Original poster

ApproachingATunnel · 31/10/2016 12:09

Rollon - i read her reply as 'no, i did not ring you to ask for money'. Yes, you did. Cause i know i work and can't just pop out to have a cuppa in Costa with you!

Her finances (or what i know of them) dont make sense to me. In private rental she was claiming to be paying all by herself but now that she moved into council property she still has no money. I smell some lies here and i dont like it. She plays the 'poor me' card quite a bit.

OP posts:

228agreenend · 31/10/2016 12:13

Well done on saying no. She put you in an awkward position.

Her insurance is not responsibility, and as you said, you can pay monthly.

expatinscotland · 31/10/2016 12:15

Just stop talking to her! She's a user who only gets in touch with you when she wants money.

rollonthesummer · 31/10/2016 12:20

Oh, I see-doh! I couldn't work out why she was telling you that you worked with children!!

cocoabuttersosoft · 31/10/2016 12:24

Uh I seriously dislike people who do this. Aside from the obvious, they also make things impossible for people in genuine hardship who understand the concept of "borrowing" and would pay someone back.

hungryhippo90 · 31/10/2016 12:25

I don't get this. Why do people feel so entitled to ask to borrow money?
I've been in some teLly crap situations with money, really, really crap. I've got some friends who are really quite well off, I just couldn't ask. I couldn't put them or myself in that situation. If I couldn't pay back on a day that is hoped to, it would ruin a friendship, my friends mean more to me than that.

I have had the Borrowers, and constant favour askers, which I held at arm's length in hope that they would stop asking for stuff, they eventually did, but not before I'd helped them over and over and over, babysitting, lifts to places, going to the shop to buy them things they needed. Taking the kids out for the day, you know nice things. I've looked out for her kids. I was 5 minutes late picking my daughter up. I kind of ran past and said, Sorry! Gotta run! Baby hippo will be waiting! I timed things badly!....she shouts out. "Baby hippo is in the playground on her own, waiting"

I got to baby hippo who was a bit upset, and she said that this person, who is one of her friends parents, and has had how many favours from me, didn't even ask if she was OK.

Seemingly a small thing, but I felt that it proved people who expect the most from you, won't do even the smallest things in return.

bibbitybobbityyhat · 31/10/2016 12:25

I know it's wrong of me but I am laughing at being friends with someone you don't like much!

Original poster

ApproachingATunnel · 31/10/2016 12:35

We're 'friends' because we happened to live right in front on each other and started chatting, kids similar age, went out a few times in the begining etc. Then asking for favours started. Can i look after her kids, can i give her a lift, can i collect her kids from somewhere, can i lend money. Never much in return (we would invite each other to kids b'day parties though). That's how we became 'friends', i dont go out of my way to contact her these days, but unless i tell her to fuck off she remains an acquaintance.

OP posts:

ItShouldHaveBeenJess · 31/10/2016 12:44

tunnel. I get that. Mine was a neighbour who was just incredibly persistent, and I was too polite to tell her I wasn't really interested. Fortunately the house move took her to another town, so the situation resolved itself (not my money, though!). If you're not a terribly assertive person, it can be incredibly difficult to deal with situations like this. A true friendship should be equal.

Flip

1 2 3