To feel jealous of friends/family able to educate their kids privately

[NewDay10]

Just that really. I know IABU to feel this way. I could go back to work and pay school fees and educate my kids privately. We've chosen for me to be a SAHM. I've just been looking at Facebook and can't believe how many of my friends educate their kids at prep level privately. Also I don't know how they afford it?! E.g. One couple both are teachers (state school) but still educate their kids privately. I'm feeling bitter. IABU and need to be happy as it really is a first world problem. We have great state schools here. I also know this debate has been done so many times on MN! So sorry to the veterans!

Ups, snowshoeing was fun. I could blame the autocorrect. But the true culprit are probably my English skills...

I just meant that I hated skiing but loved snowshoeing (which was an option at the last school I went to).

phobia seeing as I am honest enough to admit that the people I knew were incredibly helpful I do have to agree with you. Educating children privately is imo a big advantage.

However, seeing as OP is a SAHM her children do have other advantages. A stable environment is worth a lot. And I'd rather send my LO to a state school and give them a stable home than educate them privately but raise them the way I was...

Holm4andy
"It is also quite telling that there is opposition to MP Alec Shelbrooke's proposal to force 'predominately' public school infested companies to pay something to interns !"

Wow so not only would you like to murder everyone who was privately educated but presumably, as you use the word 'infested' you consider them vermin.
That's some generalisation.

OP, I don't think YABU at all. On the surface, private preps look lovely, have wonderful facilities etc. Only natural to harbour secret desire to send your kids there.

But I think Huppopapa's comment is the best one on this thread and totally spot on. There can be so much more to a child's life than school. You have made certain choices which means you have more time at home with your DC, but the trade off is less cash. Don't dwell on the 'negatives' (ie. No private school). Think of all the positives your DC are getting from having a SAHP. If you look at it from that angle, hopefully the envy will disappear :)

(Also, I've known many a private school kid who started boarding at 8/9 and hardly ever saw their parents. This is the extreme side of private education and may suit some children, but not everyone. Some of my friends have mental health issues today because of this. Certainly not something to be envious of IMO)

There is a world of difference between the schools that were forced in the 1970s to become fee paying schools and the traditional Established in 1645 type institutions.

The vast majority of pupils at the 'forced' upon fee paying schools are there soley on the basis of need (the state not offering the required selective education). These pupils should be educated in the state system , this however would require such schools reverting to grammar schools.

The parents that chose the big name 'Billy Bollocks' type schools do so as a means of supplanting their offspring in to the establishment . This is done so as much to protect their own positions in society as to give their child a relevant education.

holme my DC attend one of those old schools.

I can assure you that, as a family, we have no entrenched privilege to protect.

Natalia if firms are becoming more meritocratic, then surely having attended a private school won't count against anyone. Rather, it will be irrelevant.

On the subject of internships. I assume that companies resist paying because they are cheap and they are not primarily concerned with social justice at the expense of their own bottom line. THere may be more deserving candidates, but they are not unsatisfied with what they are getting.

The world is a very competitive place. No-one can change that. Giving your DC the very best education you can manage, to equip them with as much knowledge and as many skills as possible, is the way most realistic parents choose to bring up their DC. I thank my lucky stars that DP amd I have both the education/knowledge and money to equip the DC with an excellent education. I am very sympathetic towards those who would like to offer their DC opportunities that they cannot afford.

Phobia - 'children who go to private school are luckier' is your opinion. It isn't fact. I think children who go to a good state school and are picked up by a sahp to be taken to extra curricular sport are luckier. That's my opinion, again not fact.

Phobia - I find the private vs state debate interesting, and I don't think you are doing very well for your side on this thread. Your posts are very arrogant, which is what many many people want their children to avoid, and is why they choose state over private.

"The parents that chose the big name 'Billy Bollocks' type schools do so as a means of supplanting their offspring in to the establishment . This is done so as much to protect their own positions in society as to give their child a relevant education."

I cannot speak for all, but I can tell you this is not necessarily (i.e. in all cases) true. There are cliches either which way.

I don't think sending your DC to a famous public school will launch them into the establishment. A lot of establishment types who went to these schools were already DC of members of the establishment. Public school is a correlation, not necessarily a causation.

IABU and need to be happy as it really is a first world problem

You've already summed it up. Comparison really is the thief of joy.

Send your child to school, watch them grow and develop and learn. Enjoy your family time and support your kids at home.

IMO, in 20 years it's not going to make a difference to your adult child whether they had a 50m swimming pool at school or if they did swimming lessons in the 50m public pool down the road. Or whether their school sports pitch was the length of one or six football pitches

No school and no school facilities, however grand, is a match for having engaged and active parent(s) at home that support learning and development and opportunities.

I don't think sending your DC to a famous public school will launch them into the establishment. A lot of establishment types who went to these schools were already DC of members of the establishment. Public school is a correlation, not necessarily a causation.

Completely agree. Where nepotism still exists, in my experience, it's undoubtedly of the type of "I know his dad" or "Her mum's the senior partner at y". Never, ever have I seen "oh, he/she went to x school"' made as a case for showing preference for someone. (FWIW, I've been discussing this with my DH, who is far more experienced and senior than I ever was and he agrees with me on this.)

" I don't think sending your DC to a famous public school will launch them into the establishment."

I agree with this.

Regarding nepotism, I very much doubt anyone would ( these days) get a job based purely on their old school tie.

It's more a case of spending so much time in an environment where lots of parents, lots of old boys/girls ( and their parents) are placed to provide knowledge, advice, help.

IME this is actually more available and freely given in the non name schools because the communities are more closely bonded.

arethereanyleftatall

Phobia - I find the private vs state debate interesting, and I don't think you are doing very well for your side on this thread. Your posts are very arrogant, which is what many many people want their children to avoid, and is why they choose state over private.

How have I not done well for 'my side'? I've stated facts. Nothing will dissuade me from my belief that public schools educate children better than state schools. They do so mainly because they have the money for it. These facts are nearly indisputable and I only say 'nearly' because some people will argue the toss for no good reason.

I'm not sure how my posts have been arrogant. I base my opinions on experience. I'm the product of a public school. One of the older ones which makes Home4Andy extra angry but was a deputy head at a state primary before a headship at a public school. I saw the head (and I) balance books and turn down requests and ideas due to funding more often than we were able to give wonderful ideas the go-ahead. Larger class sizes limited a teachers' ability to educate children to their maximum ability and despite the school receiving outstanding from OFSTED (and an OBE for the head), there were few children there who I wouldn't have achieved better grades had they had the chance to go to a better resourced (public) school. That is not arrogance. I'm not as good a head as the one I mentioned but my children do better.

Pro-public school agruements tend to boil down to the quality of teaching and spend per head / resources. Anti-public school sentiment seems to be about 'nasty public school children grow up in a bubble and look down on oiks'. The prejudice is reverse snobbery and not what many imagine.

mygiddyUncle is very close to the mark when they say "No school and no school facilities, however grand, is a match for having engaged and active parent(s) at home that support learning and development and opportunities."*

All I would say is think of how well a child can do when they have both!

I really would like to know why you think I've come across as arrogant.

Home4Andy

I may have unwittingly come across as arrogant but comments from you such as "gallows", "guillotine", "supplant", "infest", "offspring", "Billy Bollocks" all suggest that whichever school you'd attended, you'd have become a pretty worthless individual.

*"very close" because teachers tend to be better educators than parents.

may have unwittingly come across as arrogant but comments from you such as "gallows", "guillotine", "supplant", "infest", "offspring", "Billy Bollocks" all suggest that whichever school you'd attended, you'd have become a pretty worthless individual.

Can i just say i think most people on this site will agree me in saying you last comment about me is perhaps the most offensive thing written on this site.

It highlights the appalling attitude and 'better than you' ideas that are inbred in to public school kids from the moment they arrive.

If you are unable to take a 'joke' or a bit of innuendo regarding revolutions you need to chill out. Secondly many jobs and carers such as Judges, Corporate Bankers are all about the old school tie. I have no problem with normal private schools, infact all my cousins children are at private schools that would be grammars if the system had not been changed.

Finally you have no idea what i have achieved in my life or what odds i have come through. Thus to describe someone as 'Worthless' proves firstly you are a 'Public School Bully' as characterized by Flashman. Secondly you are the sort of individual who plays the 'man not the ball'.

Aibophobia. When you were Deputy Head at a Primary school did you have a habit of calling children 'Worthless' !

GetAHaircutCarl - I very much agree with you about the value added of spending time (many years) in the company of families who know a great deal and share their knowledge, mostly on a tit for tat basis. This is IMVHO one of the great benefits of selective private education, one that is not analysed enough and one that it is excessively hard to reproduce outside the ecosystem.

How have I not done well for 'my side'? I've stated facts. Nothing will dissuade me from my belief that public schools educate children better than state schools. They do so mainly because they have the money for it. These facts are nearly indisputable and I only say 'nearly' because some people will argue the toss for no good reason.

Aibohphobia - This made me chuckle. One of my good friends is a senior teacher in a very famous private school and, as it happens we were having this sort of conversation a few weeks ago. He would agree that greater resources enables him to provide a superior education for his students - and he gave the specific example of being able to offer critical thinking classes for the sixth form students. Presumably the point of such classes is to teach kids how to engage in debate and shape one's own views in light of the opinions and experiences of others. To teach kids that, although someone may not agree with you, there may well be insight and value in their differing opinion and that they may not just be (to quote you directly) deciding "to argue the toss for no good reason". I'd also hope that he would teach them that it is unhelpful and juvenile to call people with differing opinions "insignificant" (as you've said to me) or "worthless" (as you've just said to holme4andy). They may have very good reasons for their own opinions which are equally as valid as your own; certainly, proper debate involves separating fact from opinion and considering the pros and cons of the latter without resorting to name calling. This sort of extra teaching he offers would, I agree, be a good example of where the greater resources of private schools offer a superior teaching experience. Perhaps I should put you in touch?

'Nothing will dissuade me from my belief'
Followed by
'I'm not sure how my posts are arrogant.'
Can you not see the irony?

I believe the facilities are better at private schools, I dont believe the quality of the teachers are.

The overriding factor for me when deciding to send my dc to state rather than private, which we can afford, is that I do not want them to finish school with this abhorrent attitude that they are better than anyone else.

I may have unwittingly come across as arrogant but comments from you such as "gallows", "guillotine", "supplant", "infest", "offspring", "Billy Bollocks" all suggest that whichever school you'd attended, you'd have become a pretty worthless individual.

That's really not the kind of comment anyone should see fit to make based on an exchange of a few messages online, never mind "the head of a quite famous school".

Why OP ?

I would of loved for my DS to have stayed in his local mainstream school and maintain his local friends. However, his speech and language skills are so severe that he would t of made any progress. None of the maintained special schools were the right provision for him and wouldn't offer the intense therapy that he needed. So DS is now at a private special school.

I don't think you should be sad or feel jealous, everyone's journey in life is different and everyone makes their own decisions. Don't worry about what others are doing, focus on you and your child foremost.

I believe the facilities are better at private schools, I dont believe the quality of the teachers are.

But it is much harder for a teacher to teach a group of 30+ children of varying abilities/levels than a fairly homogeneous group of ~15 children. It is also easier to teach when you have many resources available and (in some subjects) better facilities. For example, a science teacher with a well resourced lab can do much more in experimental science than a teacher struggling with limited resources.

But it is much harder for a teacher to teach a group of 30+ children of varying abilities/levels than a fairly homogeneous group of ~15 children. It is also easier to teach when you have many resources available and (in some subjects) better facilities. For example, a science teacher with a well resourced lab can do much more in experimental science than a teacher struggling with limited resources

My children attend a state school where practical classes ( e.g. Science ) are a maximum of 20 ( not 30 as you suggest ) . A level science classes are typically 12-15 .

Most subjects are set, so not of " varying abilities / levels " .

The facilities are excellent .

You don't seem to know very much about the best state schools, which compare very favourably with many private schools. Also all teachers are qualified, unlike in private schools.

I would be horrified if my children left school thinking it was appropriate to call anyone " a pretty worthless individual " . Most reasonable people think you should attack someone's ideas, not their worth as a human being.

User - smaller class sizes aren't necessarily better. My own experience of this is my 2 dds. One has a class of 31 and is flying at school. She is on top table, where she works with similar ability pupils. It makes not a jot of difference whether there is 4 or 6 on the table as the listen quietly to the teacher. My other dd has a class of 18. Not so many peers to bounce her ideas off. There are also only 7 girls in this 18. Dd is fine, but one of the little girls is lost with no one to play with. I don't think it's a given a smaller class size is better. A good teacher can counter this.