To feel jealous of friends/family able to educate their kids privately

[NewDay10]

Just that really. I know IABU to feel this way. I could go back to work and pay school fees and educate my kids privately. We've chosen for me to be a SAHM. I've just been looking at Facebook and can't believe how many of my friends educate their kids at prep level privately. Also I don't know how they afford it?! E.g. One couple both are teachers (state school) but still educate their kids privately. I'm feeling bitter. IABU and need to be happy as it really is a first world problem. We have great state schools here. I also know this debate has been done so many times on MN! So sorry to the veterans!

Slightly ironic that I haven't shown an ounce of prejudice in this thread although you and Minifingers have.

Other than suggesting that a poster was "vulgar" and had "a chip on their shoulder" for explaining that s/he and his/her siblings had ended up in good careers after a state education, and that people "pretend to be morally superior" for moving into school catchments, no, of course, you haven't shown an ounce of prejudice. Well done you.

I mean, what kind of person generalised based purely on the school a child attended.

Once again, my impression of public school students - both those that came for a placement with Daddy's chum, and those that I worked with - was negative. Deeply negative. That impression was strong enough to put me off those particular schools. Unfortunately they comprise most of the top public schools in the UK.

Given that my children's education is an experiment I only get to run once, and having met lots of 17 - 25 year olds (and seen only public school kids, as a cohort, stand out for all the wrong reasons), I've reached my decision regarding the schools my children will attend and what kind of values I'd hope for them to hold.

newday why not send your DC to private secondary instead? That way you can be SAHM through the beginning of primary while they are little and have more sick days, then go back to work in preparation for secondary school fees. Or switch to private when the youngest starts school and you could go back to work. There are lots of options.

Obviously MP's of all parties who send their children private do so because they believe that this level of spending is necessary to secure a good education for a child. And yet they expect state schools to do the same with usually less than half that level of spending per child.

I think this is spurious mini. It's not the MPs but the electorate that they represent who are unwilling to pay more. Society in general will not allocate more, but individual parents who are able may be willing to do so. It would be extremely illiberal to outlaw any education not provided and approved by the state.

essential
people "pretend to be morally superior" for moving into school catchments, no, of course, you haven't shown an ounce of
But some people do pretend to be morally superior for moving into school catchments.

Once again, my impression of public school students - both those that came for a placement with Daddy's chum, and those that I worked with - was negative. Deeply negative. That impression was strong enough to put me off those particular schools.

Prejudice and stereotypes. Nice...

spunky, that was my impression of interacting with them, and my impression was strong enough to lead me to my decisions. The operative words are in italics. You don't have to agree with it, but you can't argue with someone else's feelings based on a particular experience.

As a foreigner, I didn't come here with prejudice one way or the other. I joined a law firm and had encounter after encounter with school students and graduates, and eventually realised that those who were noticeable for particular traits, were all public school students. I find those traits unpleasant, and I'm sending my DC elsewhere.

It's not that every state educated person I met was a paragon of virtue, it's that what I saw in almost every public school kid was unpleasant. I'm now, helpfully, seeing the same in friends' privately educated DC.

Most of us have prejudices, most of us (knowingly or not) resort to stereotypes at times. I've seen a certain pattern of behaviour I heartily dislike, and I'm doing my best to steer my children elsewhere. If your experience has led you to a different conclusion about the merits of private schooling, best of luck to you.

I have thought of private from 11+ but basically all my nephews and nieces are going to or at prep. But I would be happy to send from 11+ if They didn't get Grammar!

In what way am I choosing not to give her an excellent education? Is that actually what people who pay for education think? In what way am I choosing not to give her an excellent education? Is that actually what people who pay for education think?

No - and the debate shouldn't be state vs private.

It is much smaller than that. The debate - if that is how you choose to educate your children - should only ever be whether the state schools you can access are better/worse than the private option.

We go private. After failing to get into all the state schools we applied for (I applied strictly in order as the crow flies to fill up the options) and simply wasn't prepared to allow my DD to go where she was given. For us it was "is private better than THIS state option?" and the answer was a resounding yes.

There are schools to suit every child, some parents are fortunate enough to find them, others aren't.
Some are able to to do whatever it takes to attend the right school, others aren't.
There are good and bad in each sector, and you get what you pay for.

What you get when you pay is meaningful choice.

So you can access what you value in education ( availability and logistics permitting).

You can also (to some extent) avoid the political games that each successive government has played with our state system, with little care for our DC.

To be honest I'd go private just to avoid the shenanigans of this shower of a government and their outright disdain for what children need and how much it costs. The attack on education post 16 is nothing short of a travesty.

I find this totally unreasonable, why you are really saying is you are pissed off you can't stay at home and also send your kids to private school.

My daughter was privately educated from the age of 4. Shes never set foot in a state school. She's now at university, I worked to pay for that, why? Because it was important to me to give her all the choices, and yes, sometimes in her younger years before salary increases it was hard. Yes often finding childcare during holidays and juggling was a nightmare, Could she have achieved the same at state school? Possibly yes, but the less one to one tuition and larger class sizes would very likely have made a difference and possibly made it harder.

At no point though did I think it was all on my husband, I had to make a decision. And this was mine. Would it have been better had I been a stay at home mum? Honestly, in my situation, no, it would have had less benefit in the long term, I was there plenty, trust me, she may have had day child care, but she never once had a baby sitter, it's about quality.

We simply have to decide what we want and call it accordingly and there is no right or wrong, but it is wrong to chose not to work to privately educate your kids and be then jealous when others chose the opposite.

"Shes never set foot in a state schoo"

What a very odd way to put it. What do you think would have happened to her if she had?

People have some bizarre notions about state schools - and I say this as someone whose kids go to private school! I get the impression that some private school parents think state schools are dens of iniquity and educational underachievement, where kids are left to their own devices and it's a miracle if they turn out with any qualifications. Makes me howl with laughter - a) as this is clearly peddled by private schools who want your cash and b) they must know some kids who go to state schools who, in my experience at least, are taught the same things (and often by the same teachers). Sure - paying gives you choice, smaller classes and better facilities. But does it give you some magical, sugar coated, infinitesimally superior experience? No. (And if you say it does, I'll say you've been conned!)

Hummus I grew up on the continent. So, although I am technically English I must admit, I have some very "foreign" habits (and English isn't even my first language... Let's just say that my mother is erratic and that the schools I went to were private but my schooling was still rather... uncommon/spotty. sigh...)

However, most of my co-workers, my cousins and DH were privately educated. And they're all lovely people. DH doesn't even mind looking after my much younger sister (my mother.... again).
I guess I'm just a bit upset that you'd tar so many people with the same brush.
If somebody made these statements about people that went to state schools more mumsnetters would be outraged.

But let's just agree to disagree, I guess.

Bertrand - ever seen that scene in "The Omen" when they take Damien to church? Bit like that, I expect.

some private school parents think state schools are dens of iniquity and educational underachievement, where kids are left to their own devices and it's a miracle if they turn out with any qualifications. Makes me howl with laughter

So you think it's ok to laugh, when some children do experience an education like this. You can laugh because you can afford for your child to have better.

I too am a parent of a child in private school, her brothers weren't as lucky and had the education highlighted above, funny it isn't.

Personally, I'm jealous that the OP has a gamut of good state schools to choose from. We didn't, which is why our kids were privately educated, and it's been a struggle, and not something you embark upon lightly.

some private school parents think state schools are dens of iniquity and educational underachievement, where kids are left to their own devices and it's a miracle if they turn out with any qualifications. Makes me howl with laughter

It's like you're describing my mother.

Sending us to a state school? Never. Dragging us from country to country? Why not? (She didn't want us to be too far from "home"... 🙈🙈)

No gillybeanz - I don't - and you completely miss my point. I laugh at the private school parents who, by dint of their affluence, would never have to subject their children to a failing school. They would live in an affluent area where the schools were more than adequate - or they'd have the money to game the system to move somewhere that they were. I know I'm very lucky to have the choice and I believe fervently that resources should be poured into failing schools as education is the foundation of society. But - what we are talking about here is leafy Home Counties types who blindly believe that private is better and state is awful because they like the bragging rights it gives them or because they've bought the marketing bullshit. Where we live has decent local schools. We thought the private option was better. That's fine and that's up to us. But I don't think it's fine to sneer at our neighbours and their kids in order to justify the expense to ourselves....and I see that happen a lot.

Where about are you in country op? The figures banded about on mumsnet are not typical for my area. I pay under £6000 a year inc lunches and music (a year not a term) gets 8.30 - 4.30 so no aftercare needed for me. Fees have hardly increased in 6 years, uniform bit dearer but not sky high. Normal working families use the school but virtually no sahm.

Average is about £3,100 a term here for the closest prep school to me

I can understand why people send their children to the top whack private schools. The scrambling round to find the cheapest possible so long as it's private is utterly baffling.

If you haven't easily got the dosh for the top 5-oh, ok, top 7-10 - choose the best available state and use the extra money for extras.

That photo of the privately educated children on a visit to the slums has made me feel sick. What do you think they are - some kind of zoo exhibition? If you are going to go, then go and help. Really help.

That photo of the privately educated children on a visit to the slums has made me feel sick. What do you think they are - some kind of zoo exhibition? If you are going to go, then go and help. Really help.

I've had a similar conversation with someone extolling the virtues of sending their children on a school trip to a poor country to "see how the poor children live". My answer was that they'd far rather have the money for your child's airfare and you could send your kid to a community centre in a deprived bit of London for the day. Doesn't have the same bragging rights though....

There are cheaper preps but they don't look great. That's probably a joint number 1 in our area at £3100 a term

Your children will benefit hugely emotionally and in many other ways from you being at home with them. Don't underestimate the value you have in their lives.