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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think this woman was unreasonable not me.

132 replies

lastqueenofscotland · 30/10/2016 17:53

I have two horses who live with my PIL (not a PIL bashing thread).

The field is along the side of a road near a new build housing estate thing. All along it there are fairly massive signs asking people not to feed the horses because horse 1 has a horrid past and one of the hang overs around that is he is really aggressive around food, horse 2 is fucking fat.

Today I was at my PILs, rode my horses and put them in the field. I saw when I was tidying up the stables a small child standing right on the fence leaning into the field, with mum there, trying to feed them their sandwiches Confused

I walk over and really nicely ask them to not feed the horses, thankfully only Hippo was showing an interest at this stage, not the one who would be in prison for GBH if he was a person.

Woman then lays into me saying her daughter has SN and if she wants to feed the horses she can etc etc.

I point out the fact that one is obese and one is a thug, and she storms off calling me a joyless bitch and saying I ruined her child's day, and loudly saying to the girl that all people with horses are stuck up and nasty.

AIBU to think she was a dick and next time just leave them to get savaged by the thug?

OP posts:
Andrewofgg · 31/10/2016 19:55

How about electrifying the fence nearer the road . . . Andrew, behave yourself!

originalmavis · 31/10/2016 23:38

Nothing illegal about an electric fence. Or even a sign saying it may be electrified (they'd never know the difference).

wasonthelist · 01/11/2016 00:17

Yanbu

Lilacpink40 · 01/11/2016 00:25

YANBU I live a driveable distance to wild ponies and I'm always amazed when visitors to the area encourage their DCs to feed them. I've seen a DCs hand being clamped in a pony's jaw and she was physically shaken from side to side. It ended quickly with no problems thank goodness, but it wouldn't have been the pony's fault if it had.

jacks11 · 01/11/2016 01:20

YANBU.

I am so fed up of it, we have similar every year. Some people will not listen, but then want to blame you if their own stupidity causes them/their child to get a fright or get hurt.

We've had a few near misses from people actually going into fields with mares and their foals (despite locked gates, signs and so on). I have even had a family complain that their child got an electric shock from the electric fencing I had to put up, despite the signs stating that it was an electric fence and also those asking people not to feed the horses (it angers me that I have to put up electric fencing inside the existing fencing when I have perfectly suitable post and rail as it stands).

I have also had a idiotic woman complain about my "dangerous" horse who turned her back on them and threatened to kick/tried to bite when they wanted to "pat" her week old foal. When I pointed out that a) the gate was locked (which I do partly to keep people out, but also because they tend to get left open if they aren't locked as people don't seem to understand that hinges close the gate and then it needs to be locked too); b) there were signs asking people not to feed the horses or enter the field and; c) generally speaking it is unwise for anyone to approach a mare with her new foal (or any animal with young offspring, for that matter) as you will probably be seen as a threat and treated accordingly. All of which should have suggested to her that going in to the field was not on, she got very shirty and kept going on about how her child could have been injured when all he wanted to do was see the lovely foal! He could have seen the foal from the safety of the other side of the fence- but no, apparently mare was "blocking his view!". Complete idiot, but I kid you not! I wish it was only the very occasional person who is so foolish, but unfortunately not. I have no idea why so many people view animals as toys.

We have checked the legal situation and have been advised that as long as you have gone to reasonable lengths to warn that their may be a danger and taken reasonable steps to prevent any problems, if someone doesn't listen, then you can't be sued. In our case we were advised that having strong, secure fencing with locked gates and easily visible/understandable signs up warning not to enter fields or feed horses would be counted as sufficient evidence. We have also added in electric fencing to some areas as an additional precaution.

We have a right of way round the edge of our land (whole other set of irritation with people not sticking to right of way) and you can see the stables from the lower end of the right of way. People seem to feel it is ok to pop up to the stables to see the horses, feed them and pat them! Why would that be ok? I don't wander into peoples gardens without permission to play with their dog or randomly accost children I don't know and play with them. It is annoying and we are now thinking of putting a gate up across the yard entrance and locking it, but again annoys me that I have to consider it. I cannot understand why a significant minority of people just cannot behave properly around animals and on other peoples property/land.

Rant over (sorry)!

PenelopeFlintstone · 01/11/2016 01:27

I like BestZebbies post about the relationships that are formed. That's why people feed them. They're trying to be nice, but getting it wrong.

SabineUndine · 01/11/2016 05:04

People who feed horses in fields are a PITA. I hike a lot and walking through a field of horses that have learned to harass random humans for food is a nightmare. You can always tell, too. Mostly horses will just ignore a human they don't knows w.

Yakitori · 01/11/2016 05:22

People do it with the deer in the local park-petting and feeding them. The deer will be shot if they get over-familiar and aggressive with visitors, or they will all have to be kept further away so they can't interact.

Blacksheep78 · 01/11/2016 05:31

All the empty plastic bread packets left floating about my paddock does my head in too... haven't managed to catch any 'feeders' yet, but I pity the first one.

FV45 · 01/11/2016 05:48

Is it ok to feed horses a single apple or carrot?
I honestly thought it was! I think because you see them unattended in fields (often with public footpaths through them) I thought it would be ok to interact with them and give them a treat. Often they come over to say hello.

FV45 · 01/11/2016 05:51

And I assume horses in fields which allow the public to walk through are friendly?
I run through such a field. I'm actually quite nervous of horses big heads so just keep my eyes forward and hope they won't charge at me!

Kokosjumping · 01/11/2016 06:01

What's the obsession with feeding animals anyway? Do any of these obsessive duck and horse feeders want to come and feed my cats their disgusting wet food pouches twice a day?

sashh · 01/11/2016 06:42

You were not BU.

You could have handled it slightly differently. Not the same really but my cat was being fed milk by a neighbour's grandson - I bought the child some 'cat milk' to feed the cat, and she now gets dreamies from them.

If you see them again could you say, "they are fed at X time, so you want to watch?"

Kokosjumping

My cat has dried food at home, she then visit's neighbour A who feeds all the local cats on his lawn, if there is no food she taps on his window and then follows him to the shop if he has no food in.

She then has a rest / goes about her kitty business, sunbathes - depends on the weather and Her business.

She then visits the neighbour who's grandson gives her dreamies/cat milk before having a snooze on neighbour's belly.

She comes home in time for me to be cooking and gives me 'the puss in boots stare' if it is something tasty.

I'm sure there are people who would happily come and feed your cats for you.

jacks11 · 01/11/2016 07:49

FV45

No, you should not even feed a single apple or carrot to a horse without permission- you might only feed one carrot but if a few people every day do that it adds up. Secondly, if the horses then come to expect to be fed every time they see someone they can get bolshy, some will nip or get aggressive. It's not fair to the horse or it's owner to feed them. Many horses will happily receive a quick pat if they come over and don't need to be fed. And if there are signs up asking you not to feed the horse, then there really is even less of an excuse.

I would say horses in a field with a right of way through it should be not be known to be aggressive.

originalmavis · 01/11/2016 08:08

But if everyone fed the poor starving ponies a couple of carrots or apples then our poor old greedy guts pony would be dead. No question.

He stands mournfully in a small field with little grass on a special diet because of his inability to stop eating. If he gets out/ breaks into the barn he will stuff himself until he is sick.

GinIsIn · 01/11/2016 08:10

FV45 - absolutely not ok! If your children were playing out without a grown up, would it be ok for passers by to just give them a sweet or a biscuit, simply because there isn't a parent around to say no?

Brightsmoke · 01/11/2016 08:21

Urgh, I used to hate this when I hate my private yard! And people throwing grass clippings over the fence because 'its grass and horses eat grass' Angry

Haven't RTFT, but maybe a line of electric fencing up to stop the idiots actually being able to get to them?

Urgh I hate idiot people, I know your pain!! We used to have people climbing the gate to get in, but if my horse was to attack them, I would be in the wrong, where is the logic there?! Can't even put up signs saying 'horses are dangerous do not enter' because it can be seen as admitting liability! Such a mine field!

magicstar1 · 01/11/2016 08:37

My mother carries around polo mints and apples to feed horses when she sees them....usually pulling carriages in town. But she's never, ever done it without asking first. If the owner says no she leaves them alone. It's so irresponsible not to check.

originalmavis · 01/11/2016 08:41

Hmmmmm there must be some sign you can hang on the fence to keep the casual horse botherer at bay. I'm thinking 'horse syphalus' (sp??), or 'worming in progress'. Maybe 'hoof and mouth'?

Trethew · 01/11/2016 08:47

Hippo is a good name for a horse. I had a mare called Hippolyta after the greek goddess. And hippo is greek for horse

Trethew · 01/11/2016 08:48

Offer her child an anchovy

originalmavis · 01/11/2016 09:01

DS's pony goes by the name 'greedybugger' because he is.

FV45 · 01/11/2016 09:26

fenella

I suppose I've never really compared unattended horses to unattended children. A child old enough to be out w/o a parent would know to say no to sweets proffered by a stranger, but obviously horses can't talk.

I honestly did not realise the extent of the problems it could cause. I have learnt something. Of course I would never ignore a sign.

HandbagCrazy · 01/11/2016 10:05

My MIL has had this problem OP - she has 3 horses. Horse 1 is a rescue who was almost starved to death. She is territorial about food and will barge / bite / kick out to keep people away from her dinner. Horse 2 has a skin problem that takes certain medication and diet to control and horse 3 is fine.

She once had a parent kick off massively because parent had told child it was ok to feed the horses (under a huge DO NOT FEES THE HORSES sign). Horse 3 was happily accepting apples etc when Horse 1 charged in, tried to take the food from the child's hands and scared her.

MIL has now given up around a meter of her field and installed 2 fences, a metre apart so people passing can't reach her horses to feed them.

YANBU

Dieu · 01/11/2016 11:12

She sounds like a professional victim, and sadly will probably make her daughter into the same. I mean, what the hell did her special needs have to do with feeding the horses?!
YADNBU.

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