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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think this woman was unreasonable not me.

132 replies

lastqueenofscotland · 30/10/2016 17:53

I have two horses who live with my PIL (not a PIL bashing thread).

The field is along the side of a road near a new build housing estate thing. All along it there are fairly massive signs asking people not to feed the horses because horse 1 has a horrid past and one of the hang overs around that is he is really aggressive around food, horse 2 is fucking fat.

Today I was at my PILs, rode my horses and put them in the field. I saw when I was tidying up the stables a small child standing right on the fence leaning into the field, with mum there, trying to feed them their sandwiches Confused

I walk over and really nicely ask them to not feed the horses, thankfully only Hippo was showing an interest at this stage, not the one who would be in prison for GBH if he was a person.

Woman then lays into me saying her daughter has SN and if she wants to feed the horses she can etc etc.

I point out the fact that one is obese and one is a thug, and she storms off calling me a joyless bitch and saying I ruined her child's day, and loudly saying to the girl that all people with horses are stuck up and nasty.

AIBU to think she was a dick and next time just leave them to get savaged by the thug?

OP posts:
ChardonnayKnickertonSmythe · 30/10/2016 18:57

I borrowing the "How would you feel if I fed your child chips" phrase.
It's actually much nicer than what I would say left to my own devices.

TheZeppo · 30/10/2016 18:58

Nothing to add, but snorted over gbh charges for the horse and fat shaming 😂

BestZebbie · 30/10/2016 18:58

(also to the non-horsey it is not at all obvious that things like grass, apples, mints could kill a standard horse, as opposed to human-type 'risks' of extra snacking such as making them a bit fat if a regular bulk extra or maybe being a potential issue in the rare case the horse has some kind of specific medical condition related to digestion).

Empress13 · 30/10/2016 18:59

I'm afraid it comes with the territory of not understanding horses. I have a horse ( thankfully he's away from road so not fed - lives out 24/7). People really don't realise the implications of feeding strange horses - makes me sigh every time I hear someone has been bitten because they don't know the horse.

If your sign is visible then she should have adhered to it. You are ANBU.

MiaowTheCat · 30/10/2016 19:04

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Sara107 · 30/10/2016 19:04

I think people are really ignorant and simply can't see the harm in giving animals a 'treat'. They don't realise that it might lead to them getting hurt, that inappropriate or excess food injures the animals, and feeding can lead to hideous behaviour. Donkeys often attract snack givers and it can make them very aggressive with people - especially if they're not given something. Seriously, me and dh went for a walk on the Penine Way on a busy section of the walk. We were mobbed by a really intimidating flock of sheep, who were obviously used to being fed by walkers. They ganged up around us, and then followed us for ages. You were absolutely right to speak to the woman (if the thug bit the child she would be quick to make a fuss no doubt).

2kids2dogsnosense · 30/10/2016 19:10

Zebbie

people feed each others pets even when they are asked not to - it is really common to feed cats that do not belong to the feeder, sometimes to the point of the cat actually transferring residence

This happened with my friend's cat. Someone started feeding him, and then he came home and threw up crap all over her house. She would be thinking "Bacon? I didn't give him bacon." etc.

So she put a little not on his collar "Please don't feed this cat as it makes him ill. Thank you." This was ignored, and the feeding continued. Her notes got more and more irritable, and the feeder continued to ignore them.

Until she put a note on saying "If you don't sop feeding my fucking cat I will follow him, find out where you live, and shove the fucking vomit and diarrhoea he produces through your fucking letter box."

It stopped.

2kids2dogsnosense · 30/10/2016 19:10

Zebbie

people feed each others pets even when they are asked not to - it is really common to feed cats that do not belong to the feeder, sometimes to the point of the cat actually transferring residence

This happened with my friend's cat. Someone started feeding him, and then he came home and threw up crap all over her house. She would be thinking "Bacon? I didn't give him bacon." etc.

So she put a little not on his collar "Please don't feed this cat as it makes him ill. Thank you." This was ignored, and the feeding continued. Her notes got more and more irritable, and the feeder continued to ignore them.

Until she put a note on saying "If you don't sop feeding my fucking cat I will follow him, find out where you live, and shove the fucking vomit and diarrhoea he produces through your fucking letter box."

It stopped.

BestZebbie · 30/10/2016 19:26

2kids: :-) Seems reasonable (the note, anyway).

ditzychick34 · 30/10/2016 19:27

Fucking ridiculous, you are not being unreasonable

FatOldBag · 30/10/2016 19:35

Considering you have a food aggressive horse, likely to do a lot of damage, and you've put it right next to a residential area, I think I'd be taking more precautions than a sign. What if someone can't read, or is a bit thick child and ignores the signs? You should take responsibility for protecting people from that horse, and by that I mean putting up a second fence line along the frontage 1 or 2 metres back from the boundary to separate where an idiot can reach to and where an aggressive horse can reach, so the two have no opportunity for contact.

Cherrysoup · 30/10/2016 19:36

This is one of my pet hates!

You know you're not being unreasonable. I don't know why people think it's ok to feed horses, no-one leans over my garden fence to feed the dogs, but show them a horse and the immediate reaction is to start searching through pockets for treats. It's weird. I'm glad mine is now mostly unreachable by passers by, but when he was in a field on the main road, I regularly had to ask people to stop. Woman with massive bag of apples was asked to stop 'Oh, but I always feed them and so does my sister' Another one asked what they could feed when I asked him to stop chucking kilos of carrots at the horses' heads-he was causing a riot with a filly stuck getting kicked to shite in the middle. 'Nothing' was apparently not a satisfactory answer.

Defo electric fencing, keep it far enough back so the horse can't reach over and nor can people.

NavyandWhite · 30/10/2016 19:39

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

DoYouRememberJustinBobby · 30/10/2016 19:46

Stupid, stupid ignorant woman and a poor parent to boot. Is it any wonder people are becoming more and more entitled if their parents are allowing them to do whatever they bloody well choose and then to have a tantrum if it doesn't go their way.

You shouldn't have to have signs either, animals are not a free theme park. Seeing an animal in a field is surely an opportunity to teach children that they must be respected for a variety of reasons and one must ask an appropriate person before touching/feeding/riding.

We have recently had to move our ducks as they previously lived on the edge of our property, toward a footpath. People would detour from the local nursery to feed the ducks bread. We had whole loaves of kings mill heaved into the garden. I explained several times to these people that they shouldn't feed our livestock, only to be sworn at/called a bitch/runined a child's day/should be ashamed of myself/that I was probably testing chemicals on them/that I'm vile for keeping any animals blah blah blah.
The amount of people who said "well the ducks love it, so you don't know what you're talking about" was mind bending.
I've had dozens of people threaten to report me to the council for not allowing their children to feed our ducks.

Lalunya85 · 30/10/2016 20:01

Thanks! I had no idea it was potentially bad to even feed them grass. Will refrain in the future unless I can check with the owner...

Original poster
lastqueenofscotland · 30/10/2016 20:03

JustinBobby that is awful!!!!
Good luck being able to report you to the council.

OP posts:
FatOldBag · 30/10/2016 20:14

FatOldBag I think the OP has done enough to ensure that people don't feed her horses. If they choose to ignore her sign it's their own fault.

Do you think so? If one of the kids from the nearby houses got terribly injured by a horse OP knew was dangerous, is it ok because there was a sign there? What if it was your kid, would you feel the same? I think it's dangerous, she knows it's dangerous - evidenced by the signs, and if something terrible happens (and it might well) OP may be responsible, depending on the circumstances.

NavyandWhite · 30/10/2016 20:22

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Andrewofgg · 30/10/2016 20:25

YWNBU and an inner fence, electric or not, that keeps the feeders away may be the only remedy.

But I'm a bit Confused about a new build housing estate thing. You sound just the least bit snooty about this estate-thing being built near your PILs and their horses. I hope I am wrong,

Original poster
lastqueenofscotland · 30/10/2016 20:29

I was just describing the lay out of the local area Hmm

OP posts:
SpeckledyBanana · 30/10/2016 20:32

What does your sign say?

People respond better if the rule has a reason. So, instead of "Do not feed the horses", try "Thank you for not feeding the horses. One might bite, the other needs to slim down."

Also (and I know this sounds nuts) but try a sign with a face/ eyes on it. It promotes compliance, theoretically.

HolesInTheFloor · 30/10/2016 20:33

I used to work at a nature reserve in the centre of a town. It had a really delicate ecosystem and signs everywhere saying please don't feed ducks bread (not so much the bread hurting the ducks but it fucked up the lake). One restaurant owner regularly chucked whole loaves in, about 10 at a time. He just refused to believe he wasn't being helpful. The whole fucking lake got clogged up with bread and pretty much everything died. Fucker.

Original poster
lastqueenofscotland · 30/10/2016 20:35

The sign says "please do not feed the horses they bite"

The Joey Barton of equines properly bites ans the hippo might "nip" if he gets greedy.

The bigger risk is to hippo who is likely to get attacked if he is getting food and GBH isn't.

OP posts:
70isaLimitNotaTarget · 30/10/2016 20:35

The stables I used to ride at wouldn't allow the giving of treats for this reason, horses can get grabby and bitey , and being mugged by a horse for a Polo can be scary.

And a lot of people don't realise that unlike cats,dogs or children, horses cannot vomit - so anything harmful doesn't come back, it goes through with sometimes disasterous results. Sad

HolesInTheFloor · 30/10/2016 20:35

Just read your post justin - it appears other like to chuck loaves at ducks too.