I'm posting here for a bit of traffic more than anything but am 100% prepared to be told if I'm being unreasonable.
Trying not to say too much as it will most definitely out me, don't want to waffle but don't want to drip feed!
DS has had major surgery today. It's been cancelled three times before now and has been a bit of a rocky road getting here. I've recently miscarried and have a few other stresses going on.
His surgery was on his head. He is all bandaged up and groggy now but is only going to get worse. He already has black eyes and his eyes are going to swell up to the point where he probably won't be able to see for a day or two. Both my family and DH's family have members who would get very upset seeing him like this which is something that I don't want to have to deal with whilst trying to cope with everything myself. I understand that it is upsetting to see him like this so DH and I decided not to have any visitors whilst in hospital which should be until Thursday, but possibly sooner. As soon as we get home we're happy for people to come and visit. DS will be much better by then and more relaxed at home.
We told both families this and explained why in a sensitive way. I told my family, without mentioning names, that we know it will be upsetting for some and the hospital isn't the best environment for that so its fairer to just say nobody visit than a select few. DH did the same with his family. There was a bit of a grumble on both sides but we asked them to accept and respect our wishes and that was that. I should say here that when I had DS there was an issue with visitors and people thinking they could visit whenever they wanted, even twenty minutes after he was born!
So today we bump in to my sister downstairs who is waiting to see him after surgery, my mum calls to say she'll be visiting tomorrow night, mil drove to the hospital and came up on to the ward, called DH to come and buzz her in. My sister got upset when I told her that she couldn't see him after because of the ward we were on not allowing visitors. My mum said that I was being unfair and selfish for not letting her come and see him. Mil was furious that DH wouldn't let her in and has sent me a message saying she knows that he wants her there and that I need to stop being so stubborn. FIL later called to tell DH how upset mil was and how when we have grandchildren we'll understand how hard this is for them.
I have no idea what to say to these people! I've been very sensitive and nice about it and given the option of visiting at home and the reasons why that would be best for everyone but I've just been ignored. I know it's hard for them to see DS go through this and they just want to see him but I feel they're really not seeing our point of view.
I'm tired, stressed, upset, worried and already sick of hospital canteen food. I said to DH to just let them visit but he thinks we need to stand firm on this for all of our sakes. Are we doing the right thing?