Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to want to keep my "new life" private and secret?

143 replies

FionaGatwick · 27/10/2016 10:35

I moved to another country almost three years ago, and have so far managed to keep what I've been doing to myself and a few friends from my "past" life.

One of my friends from my past life (not among the few mentioned above) is coming over for a work thing and asking to meet up.

I am very busy because it's exam season (I went back to school) and while I have agreed to a dinner, it seems she wants me to take her around, which I cannot do.

What do I tell her?

OP posts:
Original poster
FionaGatwick · 27/10/2016 19:36

Arfarfanarf

Thanks. No, someone said upthread that she was able to find my earlier post. I didn't know it's possible.

OP posts:
Arfarfanarf · 27/10/2016 19:52

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

TallulahTheTiger · 27/10/2016 19:56

Are you really Banksy and you're going back to study Town Planning???

Floggingmolly · 27/10/2016 20:01

Seriously, op... You've chosen a select group of people who can be allowed into your secret world Hmm. You sound like an attention seeking fantasist, tbh. Who do you imagine gives a shiney shite what you do for a living, let alone is likely to wet themselves with the excitement of being allowed into the inner circle??

Original poster
FionaGatwick · 27/10/2016 20:13

Arfarfanarf

Thanks for the info.

OP posts:
PerpendicularVincent · 27/10/2016 20:51

Are you training to be a burlesque dancer and the course is how to get in and out of one of those big martini glasses without showing your pants?

burdog · 27/10/2016 20:56

To be honest you sound like you need to get over yourself.

Confutatis · 27/10/2016 22:14

Well, you are certainly getting some practice at dealing with intrusive questioning! Stick to your guns and don't be persuaded into meeting up if you don't want to (and don't feel any obligation to explain).

Believeitornot · 27/10/2016 22:16

WHats your new career?

Are you a secret detective?

If someone had travelled over and was also making the effort to see me, I would be polite and say yes.

If I didn't want to see them then they aren't a friend. She isn't a friend so tell her that.

Original poster
FionaGatwick · 27/10/2016 22:19

Confutatis

True that! :P

I said yes to a dinner (in my mind, it's going to be a quick dinner with me asking her questions and directing attention away from me), but really can't do the sight-seeing, as I have exams on both days she wants me to take her out.

She does not know I am studying, and she thinks I am not working either. So I don't know what to tell her because she knows I can't work in my previous field - long boring story, really, so won't explain.

OP posts:
Salmotrutta · 27/10/2016 22:25

Hmm...

You can't work in your previous field eh?

Were you a Doctor/Lawyer/Teacher who got struck off?

Are you now studying homeopathy in Berlin?

Is that why you think your friend will judge you if she finds out?

rainbowstardrops · 27/10/2016 22:31

I think you either need to be honest and upfront - (are your 'friends' going to give a flying shit what you're up to now?) - and say you're busy with exams, or ditch these people from your life.

If they're going to be angry or whatever then you don't need them as friends anyway.

Tell them what you're doing and let them make up their own minds whether they still want to be friends. You'll soon sort the wheat from the chaff (is that even the right saying??? ConfusedGrin)

Original poster
FionaGatwick · 27/10/2016 22:35

Salmotrutta

I moved to another country, as I mentioned in my OP. Process takes long and there are some things I am not willing to do to complete the registration process.

When I moved, I tried a couple of things here and told them, and I sensed judgment. I have since kept everything to myself and to the "select few" I mentioned.

Now I am training in a different field which could be applied to my old field in a different way. But I really do not want to deal with judgment and questions, and her telling people from home.

Also, I might sound as if I am delusional but where I came from (she's a childhood friend, my childhood town is a small town somewhere), people are really nosy and have certain careers they consider are above everything else. My previous field is one of those.

OP posts:
Original poster
FionaGatwick · 27/10/2016 22:42

Also, my previous field was not a passion for me. I was just thrown to that direction because where I came from, if you're "smart", you're either one of two careers or a disappointment.

It was ok, but to be honest, when I moved here and realised I can finally be whatever I want to be (and my husband supports whatever I want to do), it was a bit of a relief.

OP posts:
Whatthefucknameisntalreadytake · 27/10/2016 22:42

Are you planning to keep it a secret from your friends forever?? If so I would suggest that you aren't really friends and also it just all sounds a bit unnecessary and stressful.

Original poster
FionaGatwick · 27/10/2016 22:46

Whatthefucknameisntalreadytake

No. I was planning to tell people (who will ask, not volunteer to tell) when I'm done with school (in a year) and hopefully working in the field.

This person said before that she could not understand people who do lower jobs than what they trained for just to live in another country. She also said she could not understand why her batchmates in college who graduated with honours accepted to work as assistants (to the bosses, not to her) in the place she works at.

OP posts:
TallulahTheTiger · 27/10/2016 22:47

But what is it??? Go on tell!! I am going to be up all night with a screaming baby it seems so deserve a little good info!

Giselaw · 27/10/2016 22:49

So just tell her you're busy with work, you're retraining so you can continue to work in your field in this new country but you are just starting and you don't want to jinx it by talking about it. Anyway, you'll let her know details once you've passed the hurdles and are able to do what you're hoping to do. Keep fingers crossed for me.

There.

pklme · 27/10/2016 22:50

IT sounds as though you have gone from a prestigious career to training for something a bit less pressured. Why not tell a half truth- that you are committed to some courses which you are doing to help you decide what to do next. Make them a bit off beat- yurt building, campanology, forensic psychology...

ChuckBiscuits · 27/10/2016 23:04

Just tell her some auld shite then. Or say yes and then tell her the next morning that the meal gave you the shits and you cant leave the house but you recommend the museum. And then switch the phone off til she is out of the country.

EnriqueTheRingBearingLizard · 27/10/2016 23:05

Tell her you're now devoting your life to philanthropic causes but it would be déclassé to expand on that, as you're sure she'd agree Wink

BitOutOfPractice · 27/10/2016 23:07

I'm assuming you're American from your vocabulary but either way now you've explained a bit more I sort of understand though I still wish you were a spy

Your friend sounds very judgey. Just have dinner with her

Original poster
FionaGatwick · 27/10/2016 23:11

I'm thinking of just telling her I work in a low-level position related to my previous field and just let her judge that. Actually I did try that low-level position for three months before I went back to school.

But a burlesque dancer or a spy sound more exciting!!! Sadly I don't have the body or the analytical skills to be one!

OP posts:
ItShouldHaveBeenJess · 27/10/2016 23:14

The friend sounds like an arse, tbh.

I'd take inspiration from this thread, OP, and be OTT mysterious. Have fun with her! Drop in the occasional "classified information" accompanied by a bit of nose-tapping. Randomly talk into your blouse. Make frequent toilet trips. Let her gawp, and then when she returns home to spread her 'findings', you can say "Huh? I'm studying for an accountancy degree; where on earth did she get spy from?" But I'm evil Grin

The sensible option would be a simple "No, not available, very sorry".

ollieplimsoles · 27/10/2016 23:21

Nothing wrong with taking a 'step down' from a high pressure position you are not enjoying to a lower pressure one you do enjoy op.

I have a friend who took a job as an au pair and didn't tell anyone because she thought it was embarrassing, but she has travelled the world, learned languages, met interesting people ect.