to want to keep my "new life" private and secret?

[FionaGatwick]

I moved to another country almost three years ago, and have so far managed to keep what I've been doing to myself and a few friends from my "past" life.

One of my friends from my past life (not among the few mentioned above) is coming over for a work thing and asking to meet up.

I am very busy because it's exam season (I went back to school) and while I have agreed to a dinner, it seems she wants me to take her around, which I cannot do.

What do I tell her?

No, just I prefer to keep my "new life" private. I changed careers, and people from home (including this person) can be judgmental.

I used to share my life a lot with people. I just realised I don't want to do that anymore, and have not since I moved here.

It sounds as though you've had your fingers burnt in the past.

A member of my own family has form for twisting the truth about our various lives, to make them better gossip/bitching material. These days they hear less and less about us, for that very reason.

Maybe I'm projecting but if you've had a situation along those lines, I can understand your reluctance.

Whatever the situation is, you don't have to do anything that feels uncomfortable. A breezy explanation that you're extremely busy and maybe an offer to meet for a quick coffee (and recommend some places to visit) is absolutely fine.

You can't have it both ways OP. It's not on.

You can't stay in touch because you want to but not share anything at all. That's just odd!

And you absolutely have the right to choose who you want in your life anyway.

A lot of people would envy the chance to move abroad, reinvent their life and slough off the bad elements of their old lives.

DOn't feel guilty about it!

Don't meet with her. If you don't value the friendship enough to want to talk about your life then don't waste her time. Just tell her she isn't worthy of you or whatever.

I can imagine that no one is really that interested in what you do and just want to be polite, but I can't imagine it will be too much of a problem for long if you don't want them to know anything about what you're doing.

Why ask a bunch of strangers if you can keep your life private? Why not just get in with it?

It's a rather exhibitionist form of privacy.

Because it's anonymous here Gloria?

Gosh why is OP getting such a kicking? Have none of you ever had a frenemy?

Don't meet up with her then. It would be bloody odd to see her and be secretive about your life, it just looks attention seeking.

Did you grow up in an Amish community and are now working as a dominatrix?

eh?

"Sorry I don't want to do that."

The End.

If you're busy, you're busy. You don't have to explain yourself.
If you have time to show her around (sightseeing), then do it if you want to.

Surely if you are going to meet for dinner then the "catch up chat" will be the same as it would be sightseeing, if you don't want to catch up with this friend because it sounds like you don't then don't waste her time and say no to the dinner and anything else.

I actually don't understand this thread at all. Unless you are working as a prostitute now or something like that?

Prostitute, mercenary or Trump campaign manager, I see you point.

Otherwise, you've lost me.

Maybe op is retraining in something less high-flying than expectations at home would approve of?

But even so, how is showing her around the city going to expose any more of your private life than going out to dinner?

If you're just too busy with work to do the whole tour-guide thing, then just tell her that. Problem solved.

Either this person is your friend and you are happy to talk to her about your life, or she is not a friend. Why are you keeping in touch with people that you don't want to talk to?

If you're too busy to show her around, you're too busy. You're under no obligation to meet her just because she asks, particularly if she's not one of the friends you've chosen to keep in touch with. You can cancel the dinner if you don't want to see her. People do this all the time.

I agree with others that meeting her for dinner and then being bizarrely secretive about what you're doing with your days is just going to make you look attention-seeking and deliberately mysterious. If you don't want anyone to know what you're up to for whatever reason, don't put yourself in a situation where someone might ask.

Are you a spy?

BitOut - ah, you beat me to it!

Are you a spy?

If she is she should really have a good cover story already prepared!

Umm. Why all the angst?

I don't see the issue. She wants to meet up, you don't want to spend too long with her, but apparently want to see her? So tell her you're working but can meet for a quick coffee, recommend some sights for her to see.

If you don't want to see her at all, just say you're busy.

Are you a spy?

No she can't be, I'm sure they'd do a term on cover stories at spy school.